Not DA'd, Not DF'd - but pretty much Disowned...

by Ingenuous 44 Replies latest jw experiences

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  OldSoul

  Finally-Free,

  I know some who are plenty smart enough. It is too scary for many to see. Inside the cult they have the safety of familiarity, the safety of structure, the safety of a sense of surety (however false). If the teachings of the Org are wrong, then that is all wrong, too. All of their devices for coping with life are gone (or so they believe). The weight of that reality is just too much for so many to face.

  Ingenuous,

  I am going through very similar things right now. I am disassociated unofficially because of being inactive and missing meetings. No one wants me at gatherings, etc. I'm marked. I knew it was coming, so I have been making a circle of friends outside to associate with when the time came. I now have no reason not to associate with my new friends. Should any JW ask why I am doing it I will simply remind them that I am not welcome to be myself with Jehovah's Witnesses anymore, so I have to be myself around those who lovingly welcome me as they find me.

  It sounds as though you got caught up in "the discussion" faster than I did. I recommend that you build friendships outside while there is time to ease your transition into a real life on the outside. Then you will be prepared to enjoy that new life with less pain.

  Respectfully,
  OldSoul
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  Honesty

  I really feel for you because your parents are so decieved into believing they are doing the 'right' thing.

  You could just wait until they DF you for not showing up for an inquisition and then write the BOE and individual members of the congregation outling what you have learned about the WTBTS and they didn't want you telling others what you've discovered. I told an elder that I was going to broadcast the WT deceptions from the rooftops so they had better get ready for it.
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  myself

  Ingenuous,

  My heart absoulutely aches reading what you are having to go through. Your parents have relied on you for a lot of things. You have had pretty close ties to them. Hopefully time will soften things.

  Your dad may not run to the elders. I have one family member still in. He (an older brother) is an elder. I purposely lit a cigarette while standing next to him this summer at our oldest brothers wedding. I have very little contact with him because I got tired of initiating the contact. There are pics of the wedding with me standing next to him cigarette in hand. LOL The only thing he had to say about it was the health risks. I guess he hasn't turned me in to the local congregation at least I haven't heard from anyone.

  Hopefully time will heal things at least to some extent. Hang in there.

  Karla
• 

  skyman

  been there done that. It does not mean forsure that they will get you. I would wait for them to call and then write your letter. Because if they actually read the Sheparding book they will see that if you have been gone for over a year they are not suppost to bother you untill you do something wrong and studying the Watchtower with others is not wrong. Remember they use Theocratic Warefare on you so use it on them. What is good for the goose is good for the gander,
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  Carmel

  Ingenious, I sympathize with your agony. I hope it passes quickly. I experianced the same coersion and attempts at guilt tripping by my parents and older siblings. Luckily it just strengthened my resolve to investigate reality for myself away from their influence.

  Please keep in touch and don't be afraid to ask for an electronic hug once in a while.

  carmel
• 

  talesin

  Ingenuous,

  Been there, refused to buy the tee shirt, and I made the right decision.

  The guilt game is just unimaginable to anyone who has not been there, and most folks could not understand. We hear you!

  Having your dad say that to you, must have been crushing. ((((hugs)))) It's a hard thing, to be treated like garbage when you have been a good daughter, just because you wanted to and you enjoyed making your parents happy. It's like getting punched in the gut. :( As Carmel said, let us know how you make out, and don't hesitate to call on us for whatever you need.

  xo

  tal
• 

  talesin

  Oh yes, and this,

  I prayed to God for a compromise, for a way to please Him and still remain with this organization.

  I asked myself: Why do I want to stay in the Org? To keep contact with my family.

  I asked myself: Do I feel I'll be spiritually benefited by staying "in"? The few truths they've taught me I know by heart; they haven't taught anything new and scriptural in decades. Nothing they teach that I accept is unique to them (though my Father is convinced no one else teaches what JWs do about the Trinity, Hell, etc.). And I'll have to constantly be on guard for the unscriptural and unfounded if I attend meetings. There's no way I could go door-to-door and encourage people to join this Org in good conscience.

  I asked myself: What would it take for me to stay "in"? Scheming, hiding, and lying - not exactly the fruitage Jesus told us to seek or that's produced by God's spirit.

  This is similar to a conversation I had with myself at 18, and it is heart-wrenching ... I am feeling for you!

  This is a promise ,,, you will find your way. Take it easy on yourself, educate yourself (read, read, read, philosophy and religion and science), and listen to your gut. You will find your own spiritual path ... peace will come, really, it will.

  tal
• 

  Gill

  Hi Ingenuous!

  It's horrible to think of your family treating you that way. But, in the end the only way to get over it is to feel sorry for them. They're totally lost and afraid and they will NOT be helped.

  In the end though, your own fear of them shunning you will pass. It takes time, but you will come to understand and pity them. I think I may have just reached that stage now and it's very nice to actually find, I just don't care for their derogatory views and remarks towards me and mine. I hope in time, you will get to that stage too.

  Good Luck

  Gill
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  Bonnie_Clyde

  I can't tell you how much your words affected me. It is so hard to have your own parents turn on you. I'm so happy you have not let your experience turn you away from God or the scriptures. You seem to be such a decent person, and your parents should be proud that they have a daughter with deep convictions.

  I'm much older than you, but just in the last year my own father (now in assisted living) has turned against me because I stopped going to meetings. He was largely influenced by my adult daughter, and my father has recently given most of his property to her. That was a huge slap in the face inasmuch as I was the one who he depended on for many years for help in caring for my mother who passed away three years ago--with little help from the rest of the family. It's ironic that I am the person who largely influenced my father and my daughter to become witnesses many years ago.

  Bonnie
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  PaulJ

  Sorry but your Dad sounds like a brainwashed fool! You are doing the right thing, although its not easy.

  I suggest you write a letter to the BOE- dont give them the satisfaction to DF you.