My bf has a large family. His parents and 10 brothers and sisters. Im just about done with the whole bunch. I have had nasty comments in the past from some of them, and the most recent one is still bugging me. We went to my bf's sons first football game on Sat. His parents came walking up to us, and I said hi to his dad, and said "hi mom!" This was her comment to me. "um, you can call me donna, like the rest of the inlaws!" I was so upset! I felt as if I wasnt good enough for her. The last time we went to the cabin, his brothers came out there to help remodel it. When we got there, his brother just looked at me, and said "oh, I thought this was suppose to be a stag weekend" errrrrr My my bf said he was so mad he wanted to leave, but didnt say one word to defend me. Then, the last family get together, I found out from his nephew, that this kids mother and father refer to me as "big bimbo"! I was so mad, and told my bf, and again, he did nothing! I felt he should at least confront them and tell them he doesnt appreciate it! Now another big party is coming up soon, and I dont want to go! Should I be the bigger person, and go for the ones that are nice to me? Or for my bf? I really dont have any desire what so ever! Why should I torture myself? One of his sisters sent him a letter at christmas time saying he should be done with me and my horrible kids! She doesnt even know my kids!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, not sure what to do here, I just dread going anywhere near these people! Any advice?
What do you think of your in-laws?
by ButtLight 29 Replies latest jw friends
Some of my ILs are very sweet people. Others are not people I care to hang around with.
Regarding the 2nd half, I just observe social etiquette when I'm around them. I avoid being around them when it's not necessary. I'm fairly lucky in that my husband doesn't want to hang around them often. I do major holidays but skip most of the minor events.
There's no rule saying you must be buddy-buddy with your ILs. You just must be polite and go to the obligatory events. Drinking helps.
As far as your MIL not wanting you to call her mom....the way she went about it may have hurt your feelings, but it is her decision to make what she wants to be called. Probably it's bothering you more because it's in the context of all the other toxic stuff?
I agree your BF should have addressed the "bimbo" thing. That is totally inappropriate. If he's not going to demand they be respectful to you, there's probably trouble ahead. And saying it was a "stag weekend" is a crappy, rude way of telling you they don't want you around. Even if they did really think it was stag, they shouldn't have said so in front of your face. The only reason to do so is if they wanted to hurt your feelings.
I dread, dread, dread being around the bad half of my ILs. When I am around them, I developed a technique whereby I change the subject constantly. Before the day I'm to see them, I purposely memorize at least 10 topics to talk about. When one of them brings up an unwanted topic, I just change it. ex., "Look at how many gifts I got a my shower, how many did you get at yours? Oh, I forgot, no one gave you a shower." gets "Did you hear that horrible story of the soldier getting blown up?" Then I proceed to breathlessly launch into a tirade about the story.
Well, first of all, your boy friend should love you with all his heart !!! Not only in words but actions. If anyone insults you, he should react as if HE was insulted. No one in his "family" should treat you that way!!!
If his family doesn't like you too much, maybe it has to do with what your boy friend tells them.
Maybe you should go to that party after all, and if someone isn't too nice, confront them, and say, what's with that comment. I'm maybe too direct, but that's how I would react.
If you don't feel like being with them, then just don't go. Don't accept to be treated that way.
You are a wonderful person, and you deserve better !!!! (((Buttlight)))
Yes! I've got advice for you! Disfellowship them from your life completely like I've done with my in laws! Best thing me and my husband ever did to the slippery snakes in the grass, dumb assed, twit brained, arse heads!
Now life is good, I leave essential contact with them to my poor husband and he takes great delight in annoying them and he's got plenty more annoying to do in the near future.
Life is sweet when you're a wicked apostate and they can't set the elders on you like they used to!
Who they gonna call? What do you know...NO ONE!
We're so bad and both of us were the goody, goody kids when we were younger. Now we take great delight in being the evil, demonized, satan loving, apostates!!!!!!! And there's nothing they can do about it..........
Well, these wicked people are catholics lol. But still, I just get sick to my stomache even thinking about being around them. Even at a party that large, I wouldnt even have to speak to them or even look at them! Still doesnt matter to me. I'm a fun loving person, and have treated every one of his family members with respect. So, I just dont get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heres to the icky inlaws!!!!!!!
Butt wear a T-shirt that says "Big Bimbo" at the party.
That will shut them up(plus if they ask you why you wore it say "Well it is what you all call me") and start treat them as they treat you. You can be the bigger person and be nice...Well this is what I have to say to that"F that Sh*T(sorry Simon)
Listen they are adults and they do not welcome you...so don't welcome them,,,yes you can go the the events but have nothing to do with them and leave early or stay for 5 minutes say that there was a Sale at the Mall and you didn't want to miss it.
Just be like me!
p.s. I love my In-Laws!
Here, I found one, maybe it fits
Hon, I feel for you. I really do.
I've was once married to a man like your BF. His mother and grandmother would take pot shots at me at the dinner table (usually on holidays) and my dear ex would just sit there and continue stuffing his face. I was heartbroken. Every interaction with his family gave me panic attacks and depressive episodes for days after. Looking back, I realize there were two issues at hand. One, his family was dysfunctional at best and trash at worst. They were terribly passive-agressive and had no courage to communicate in healthy ways. Two, my ex had no backbone and was a major mama's boy. One time my ex-FIL assaulted me when I lived in their home, because I left laundry in the dryer for two days. No I wasn't the best houseguest, but beating me to a pulp and shoving me out the front door was the appropriate way to handle it, right? My husband (then boyfriend) broke up with me over that. We eventually got back together, but it was tough going. I kept telling myself, "I'm marrying him, not his family." Man was that a load of crap! I hate to say it, but anyone that tells you that is lying or hasn't understood what kind of family baggage marriage can bring. Our marriage lasted for two days short of two years.
The guy I dated after that had family that was very wealthy and very into marrying "well". Let's just say, I wasn't the gal (divorced and no family name to speak of) they had envisioned for their sweet only son. They were very cool with me and discussed everything "around" me when I was in their presence. They were never outwardly rude, but they did NOTHING to make me feel welcomed. I understand today that he's married to a divorcee with two boys from her first marriage and is miserable. Yes it's tacky, but I get a sense of satisfaction from that.
Today, I am married to a wonderful man that has a family that loves me unconditionally. They really are fabulous people! My FIL pulled me aside one time during our engagement and told me, "C***** and I will never attempt to replace your parents. But we will love you like you're our own child. That means we'll tell you when you make us proud and we'll tell you when you do something disappointing. We will love you always, even when we don't agree with life choices you might make." How could I ask for more? They are honest, communicative, loving (even when Mozz and I do stupido things), and always always always kind to me. If anyone in my husband's family dared to do or say anything disrespectful of me, he would stand up for me without a seconds hesitation. If they continued, he'd make sure to remove them from our lives. I take a lot of comfort in that. In our marriage, we have a real attitude of "it's us against the world", even if that world were to mean his family. But thankfully it's not.
Today I look back at my past in-laws and I cringe. I settled for so much less when my future rested in so much more.
Buttlight, don't settle for something like this...you and your kids deserve so much more. Your biggest issue is not your possible in-laws, but your BF. I hate to tell you that, because it's not what you want to hear. But if your BF truly loved and respected you, he would NOT tolerate that type of talk about you. And if you loved and respected yourself, you wouldn't tolerate a man that allowed it, whether it was his folks or Mother Theresa. Don't do what I did. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Sometimes that's REALLY hard to do.
I got off to a rocky start with my inlaws. Knocking up their 16 year old daughter tends to do that ... but now they're alright. I get along well with them.
Sorry you're having a hard time with your guys siblings. Any chance he was adopted so you could ditch them?
Buy them etiquette books for Christmas.