hey jeep,
i had actually become an atheist before my wife knew anything about where i had gone. i may not have been enthusiastic about going to the meetings, but i still went with her while i was reading and reading and reading in my spare time, to keep up the facade. i wanted to be very sure of my data and decision before i upset our marriage in any way.
personally, i had started out investigating the scholastic dishonesty of the borg with regards creation and evolution. when i was a way into this, i started to check out other doctrine, because i knew that evolution and the troof could not be compatible doctrinally, and was really wondering if the GB could actually have god's blessing. well, i didn't have to re-study the other doctrine for very long at all (with new eyes, so-to-speak) before i realized that it was really quite crazy. so i skipped the doctrinal stuff to a large degree and went straight to the jugular of theism and secular vs. bible history in general.
so, with regards my wife, unlike ithinkisee , i have skipped the doctrinal stuff with her largely as well, and just gone for the jugular of theism, gently. this has actually worked a little bit, as just the other day she admitted that i had some very valid points, and wanted to talk with witness friends about them. i told her that this would not help much at all, as they could not really be expected to understand. but she did talk with two of her best friends, and they just said that they occasionally had doubts too, but when they prayed, the doubts went away, LOL. i asked her if she saw the mental discontinuity in this sort of thing, and she actually said yes! so i am hopeful. she told me the other day that i'm her best friend, and she values me a lot. this is because i have been extra loving with her over the last 6 months, in a genuine way. that, and the fact that she sees the very people who shun me also running around smoking and screwing and binge drinking. she sees the irony, and even told me it makes her sick. and i think she has gone to silentlambs .org recently too, and may be having some doubts about doctrine on her own (as in " hmmm , if there are all these victims of the WTS , how can they be god inspired? lets look at some doctrine now.").
when i was first ready to tell her i was an atheist, i decided to stagger the news over the course of a month or so. and it was the month from hell. first i just explained why i held to evolution (hard mountain of evidence) for biological diversity (we're a bio/ eco family), and pointed out scholastic/intellectual dishonesty in the creator & creation books. later i explained the implications of evolution on JW doctrine. later i said i felt i just wanted to be a christian free of religion. later i said i felt that i was a deist. then later a pantheist. then later an agnostic. then an atheist. this is actually a recreation of the route i originally went in my investigations. the conversations we had in between, were very similar to ithinkisee and his wife. a lot of crying and all around misery. psychological hell.
but now i think she is right at the point where she is willing to say: "hey, if it's the truth, it will stand up to critical thought." i assured her that she does not have to go the route that i went, and if she wants to stay in the truth for the sake of her family, that's cool too. no pressure. i just want her to have mental freedom more than anything. how she goes about obtaining that is up to her.
TS
