Do you ever SECRETLY annoy????

by Rayvin 12 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Rayvin

    I am a passive aggressive. Can't help it - I learned it from my mommy.

    So if I am angry and feel like throwing stuff or hitting something/someone I do sneaky stuff instead. For example, one boyfriend I had was being mean to me after I had been nice and just took the trash to outside of the front door. I was so angry w/ how he was treating me that when he wasn't looking I brought the trash back inside for him to deal with.

    Another example- My husband came home to complain about his clean laundry that i just finished putting on hangers being on his side of the bed. He didn't think to hang them up himself and i just hadn't finished my chores yet. But since he felt the need to gripe at me after all the work I had done I was upset. He told me to get those clothes of his side of the bed. So i did.... i threw them on the floor where the dirty clothes go. It made me feel so much better and he didn't know what i had done till 3 days later.

    Ever flip the bird behind someones back??? Feels soooo good!

  • rebel8

    I usually annoy people directly instead of secretly.

    I admit to flipping the bird with my hands in my pockets to my boss though. I only put it in my pocket to avoid getting fired.

  • RichieRich

    My mother gets a little unstable when she gets PMS. She likes to throw stuff.

    This month, she cracked my Palm by throwing it against something and stepping on it.

    Now, everytime she asked for something, I tell her I had it down in my palm...

    My dad will get mad and tell me to do something. I'll start moving really slow, and go roll quarters or something. It eithers makes things escalate, or cool off.

  • PaulJ

    Yes. I use extreme sarcasm. The best thing to do is when someone tells a joke either-

    a) do a loud fake laugh then pull a straight face and glare at the joker, really unimpressed.

    b) just keep laughing so eventually they realise its fake.

    c) say, smiling, "that would be funny, if it was good...."

  • EvilForce

    Rayvin....we had a discussion on passive / aggressive behavior at:

    I honestly don't like it. Nor do I think it's healthy. You are playing a game that does not foster honest, open communication. However, the Dubs are masters at passive / aggressive behavior, so we've all been inculcated with it. (he he.... I said inculcate)

    But you might be surprised at it's roots and some of the commments made. Check it out :)

  • Rayvin

    I agree its not healthy and neither is excessive anger which I dont have. I don't hurt anyone and I make myself feel a bit better. The verbal stuff I feel is harmful to youself and the other party. I was raised (good or bad) to try to steer away from confrontation. I am working on my inculcated flaws.

    *sticks out my tongue at evilforce behind his back*

  • kls

    Rayvin, sounds more like paybacks and yes they can be oh so much fun

  • Rayvin

    Come to think of it.. after reading EF suggested post maybe i am using the wrong words for my actions. I am not doing things to make the other person angry. Maybe its my partner that is P/A toward me.

    Anyway.. since the topic is secretly annoy and not - passive aggressive. I will leave it at that. And say "oops" for the confusion.

  • EvilForce

    This is one of the things I had to work on.... In my relationships I'd just let it slide because I was taught "anger" was bad. So instead of getting angry and hashing things would just build a wall of resentment between us. Slowly poisoning the relationship. By the time we got to the point where he knew what was going on....I was done with him.
    Also typical Dub reasoning I would think, "Well if he loved me he would know that he should do ____________". Like well if I loved Jehoba enough I would automatically know what was right and wrong. We are all so wrapped up in our own little worlds it's hard to know what's going on in someone else's head.
    I'd also assume I knew the reason why one of my mates did something. Like forgetting to take out the trash. I'd think to myself...I told him twice, now he's just trying to piss me off. So I'd stew on it for 3 days being mad....but being Christian cause I wouldn't get "angry"...then when I'd finally mention it he'd say "Oh, I was on my way out the door with it, but FedEx rang and set the trash down to go to the door....." So here I was mad about something that didn't exist for 3 days yet built resentment. Not good.

  • rebel8

    But sometimes p/a behavior is appropriate. Not usually, but sometimes. Example:

    Say you are dealing with a p/a person who is dropping passive hints for you to bring her a cup of coffee. You've already tried the Dr. Phil, pop-psychology methods to deal with the p/a behavior directly but it doesn't work. So this time she hints, you pretend that the hinting is going over your head. Then she has to either ask you directly for the coffee or stop bothering to hint because it's a wasted effort--your goal is achieved; she has stopped the p/a hinting.

    My boss is big time p/a and this is the primary method I use to deal with her. I've known her for years and the direct/healthy approaches do not work. I simply do exactly what she says.

    She gets mad and rants that us dumb employees are not allowed to do any work without being explicitly assigned to it by her, and not to suggest tasks to her because she is the ultimate diva and does not need suggestions from us idiots. (I have this in writing from her.) So I don't. I do absolutely nothing unless I'm asked to do it. She gets irritated from time to time because things aren't done, but then I remind her that she said in a memo we are not supposed to do anything unless she asks, so I was just doing what I was told. Her p/a behavior has significantly decreased since I started this.

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