Confrontation times 2, My lovely weekend ahead. Any thoughts .......

run dont walk

Well, my life is about to change over the next week, the anxiety is running high, and the adrenaline is going full blast, I hope I make it ...

Just a reminder of what has happened ..

last summer my wife went to Ontario and stayed with her sister, at the time me and her were not doing to well, and while she was there she screwed around on me, and her sister laughed about it. It's been 11 months, I've did the counselling, and I've tried to forgive her, but I'll tell you all something .....

"IT JUST EATS AT YOU EVERYDAY, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY."

So I arrive on Saturday, and day 1 will be taking care of this guy, I just hope I don't k--l him and spend the rest of my life in jail. Hopefully I'll realize it's not worth it and just walk away, but I sincerely doubt it. I have to hit him at least once, to have some closure and inner peace. I'm a pretty big guy at 6'0 and 225, I've never seen him or know what he looks like, but I know where he lives, so it won't be hard to find him. I know you women may not understand, but for a guy it is very hard to let it go, He interfered with my life and left it in pieces, it is like a mother protecting her young.

I plan on leaving my wife when I return.

The rest of the trip will revolve around my family, my mom is not doing well, my grandma also just died (age 100), which didn't help either.

She called me the other day, first time in over 3 years and said to me

"Please forgive me, and show me a little mercy, I know I made a lot of mistakes and I'm sorry."

Maybe thats all I really wanted form her, was a little acknowledgement.

It seems 25 years of anger just went away after that, maybe as humans we can forgive to a point with family.

I also plan on seeing my elder brother and special pioneer sister, man the topics we will cover, where will I start.

So I will fill you all in when I return and post my experience, I just hope it's not form a jail cell.

lol to all of you

run

Finally-Free

Does the guy even know about you?

In any event, I'd refrain from doing anything that could get you in trouble with the law. No one is worth losing your freedom for, even for a single day. I've been to jail. It ain't worth it man.

PM me if you're in Toronto and want to meet up for a beer.

W

Frannie Banannie

((((RDW)))), I hope you leave that guy completely alone. Your wife might not have even told him she's married. SHE's the one in the thing that cheated. He might not have known he was infringing on someone else's territory. Dump her. It'll help. Then go see your fam. That'll be healing.

I hope things get much better for you, RDW.

Hugs,

Frannie

avishai

Yeah, man, I've been in a similar situation, more than once. It does'nt help, socking the guy is a pyrrhic victory at best. I know it's gonna sound trite, but living well really is the best revenge. And getting yourself together and finging a hottie who takes care of you and is faithful and likes you for you is gonna be the best revenge. And it's doable. Withing the realm of possibilty. And way more fun than punching someone.

Also....and this is coming from a guy who used to work security in mosh pits and loves a good scrap..so I'm not a wussy..but consider this, I'm screwed for life from getting hit on the head wrong. I have seizures for life. So if he gets a shot in, it could mess you up. Seriously. It just ain't worth it, i've been in lots of scraps, but you never know what the other guy can or will do. Period Even if you are fully justified. That's why I won't do it unless I'm backed into a corner, and there's no other way out.

zulukai

RDW......ARE YOU NUTS??!! No woman (or man for that matter) is worth the consequences that may evolve from open confrontation. And for what it's worth, we women DO understand the compulsion behind confronting the person who got naked with your spouse. Adultery is an ugly thing to have happen to anyone, but it sounds like your marriage was in trouble anyway and your wife chose to deal with her feelings by having an affair.
This is your cue to get a lawyer not go and see "the man". Why add to the drama and possible entertainment value for your sister-in-law by acting like a caveman? You could be seriously hurt, in far worse ways than you are already. Please reconsider!

avishai

Adultery is an ugly thing to have happen to anyone, but it sounds like your marriage was in trouble anyway and your wife chose to deal with her feelings by having an affair.

Uhhh, that was pretty cold zulukai. Having an affair is not a way to "deal with feelings". It's a way to get your rocks off one your mate is'nt around and/or get validation that your still "hot" in a selfish manner. Period.

zulukai

Hey,Avashi, I didn't mean it the way you took it! Or the way it might have sounded to anyone else.
All I meant was this seemed to be how she chose to deal with the problems in her marriage.Maybe she did need to validate her attractiveness in a time of distress. No one but she herself can say what "feelings" motivated her. People have affairs for numerous reasons,...revenge, excitement, callous indifference to their mate, moment of weakness, or simple lust, even despair. And the ones you suggested. All I meant was that she CHOSE to have this affair. Now RDW has a choice to make himself and he's already told us he plans to leave her.

prophecor

Hi RDW. I empathize with your pain. Infedelity is the highest degree of dishonor among mates. I hope that you can get over it one day. That kind of pain is what King Solomon refered to as the thing that would cause any real man to fly off in a rage over, though I hope and pray that you might use a little common sense in a world already gone mad. You never know what you might be facing if you take such matters into your own hands. I don't know the entirety of your situation, but I wish you all the best in acquiring closure to it.

Respect

Art

luna2

Ditto what everybody else has said, rdw! Please don't run the risk of destroying the rest of your life by attacking this guy. I'm sorry about the adultry...it's a horrible feeling, I know...but to run the risk of getting hurt seriously/hurting someone else/getting arrested/getting sued over something your wife (who you are planning to leave anyway) chose to do doesn't seem like a good plan.

Hold on to your good sense, have a good visit with your family, and try to concentrate on what you can look forward to in life (which won't be much if you are imprisioned).

confusedjw

"Please forgive me, and show me a little mercy, I know I made a lot of mistakes and I'm sorry."
Maybe thats all I really wanted form her, was a little acknowledgement.
It seems 25 years of anger just went away after that, maybe as humans we can forgive to a point with family.

Well whatever happens congrats on making up with your mom.

If you get away with slugging the cheater, maybe you ought to give your brother a knock up side the head to get him thinking?

Confrontation times 2, My lovely weekend ahead. Any thoughts .......

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