How are your marriages fairing after leaving? (page 3)

garybuss

24K
Have those of you who are married to JW's, been able to find happiness in your relationships in spite of your religious differences. I left 21 years before my wife did. The first 10 or so were not so bad. We were young and still making babies and I was working 70 hours a week and drinking every night. The last 10 were bad. The last 4 were hell.
Have you been able to overcome the feeling that you are the enemy, tolerated and humored, but never accepted for who you really are? The last 10 or 11 years we lived as room mates but separate. It sucked. We separated in 1993. None of it is anything I'd ever repeat.
How about how you raise your children? Now they are all adults. I allowed my wife and my Witness relatives to infect my sons. Stupid! Two of them are Witnesses today.
Will your wife attend dinners or events with you at the homes of your worldly friends? Now she is out she will, yes. While she was in she did very little with me. I was the banker and the home handyman.
I guess I'm asking, can you ever have a real partnership with one in and one out? I can't. Tried it, failed.

Grace

Hi, 24K. I am married to a pretty devout JW although I disassociated myself after 9/11. You will find in my post history some pretty frustrated times when I came to this board for understanding and acceptance - and of course I received it, because who else understands?

My JW husband is also a drinker likely because he's so mixed up inside. Indeed, he is an extreme alcoholic; however, there must be more for me IN my marriage than without it, so therefore take it just one day at a time and stay. We're best when we do other things together which have nothing to do with faith organizations: like volunteer in the community together, etc. I am encouraging him to do more and more of the things he loves because it takes him away from his own WT-programmed destructive thoughts (and the drinking).

It can be done - but only if both partners value the marriage enough to work at it daily. Take one day at a time. I know how frustrating it is to be with him and a Witness will talk to him and absolutely shun and ignore me who is standing beside him. This is just ignorance and anyone who does this is a heartless, empty monster.

You may email me at [email protected] Best of luck!

Grace

LittleToe

Statistically it doesn't look good, but that just the numbers game.

After I DA'ed (Jan 6th 2002) things were quiet for about 3 months then got worse. About a year after I had DA'ed things took a serious plummet - I can only assume it was the reality of a year down and no signs of my returning to the WTS. Dashed hopes can have that effect.

We made it till about the following August before taking to separate rooms, and I finally moved out in the October, as my health was being affected. It was 24/7 stress, with an atmosphere you could cut with a knife.

She soon took in a lodger, even though I was paying all the bills, and when she felt she could support herself financially she cut all ties. The divorce is potentially impending later this year, assuming she doesn't contest - it wouldn't be in her best interests to, but you can never tell what people will do when family and the WTS meddle.

I put a good deal of the blame on external involvement, in addition to the indoctrination. Some of the things she was coming out with were clearly "guided" by others. The way she began to phrase herself made it clear that she was being coached.

All that having been said, I'm not diminishing my own responsibility in it. Whilst I believe I went completely beyond the extra mile in trying to keep it all together, I know I said things wrong from time to time. I continue to love her, however am all grieved out and am no longer "in love" with her, if that makes sense? Therein would have lain madness, had I not begun the process of detaching my feelings.

Not a happy ending, to this tale, I'm afraid. I would suggest that the divorce rate amongst ex-JWs is well above the national average.

Good luck

Doubtfully Yours

My marriage wouldn't survive. Although we love each other, the WBTS is what's most in common between us.

My husband came out of a tough life and the WBTS made a much better person out of him. He's said in the past that he'd go back to his old ways if he was to leave the religion.

I believe him.

DY

kls

It's like walking out on the edge of a lake and there are rocks that are very slippery ,and the farther you walk the more slippery they become . So you step a little farther to check the next rock, and so on but as slippery as the rocks are you know eventually you will fall and get hurt if you continue.