by 24k 28 Replies latest jw friends
I became a JW at 25, and married a pioneer a few years later. I DA'd after learning about the child abuse and UN scandals. My marriage of 16 years fell apart a few months later. It became obvious that we had very little in common outside of the watchtower.
W
We were both JWs; I stopped attending a year before he did. Our marriage is stronger than ever.
Blondie
I do see a pattern emerging here. Both Blondie and my husband knew exactly who they were marrying. There was a bond beyond the Watchtower, that survives the watchtower.
I live in hope.
That's the key, jgnat. We loved each other more than we loved the WTS religion. WTS did not equal God in our minds. I did see older marriages with one person a JW and one not a JW that thrived. The JW did not disrepsect or put down the non-JW. They spent time together too, the JW did not treat the non-JW mate as if they were "bad association." But they tend to be people in their 70's and 80's. Maybe the younger generation in general looks at marriage differently. It makes you wonder why the WTS hardly ever has experiences where the husband is loving and kind to his JW wife; I have known of several and they never became JWs.
Blondie
There was a bond beyond the Watchtower, that survives the watchtower.
That's what's needed.
Some of us allowed the organization to define 'who we are' rather than exploring that ourselves. The Watchtower encourages its members to "put kingdom interests first" in their lives, to make the religion the most important, if not the only, thing in one's life. So if a person's faith in the organization is lost they're sometimes left not really knowing themselves, or their spouses.
It makes me wonder how many marital incompatabilities there are even in families where all are devout JWs.
W
This question doesn't apply to me directly, that is in terms of a marriage, but I am most grateful to 24K for starting it, and other contributors.
I believe these contribute to my learning and understanding, and may eventually help me to help those I care about to escape from this false religion.
It makes me wonder how many marital incompatabilities there are even in families where all are devout JWs.
Ask an ex-elder who posts on here how many congregation problems revolved around marital problems, including elders and pioneers.
Even COs and DOs are not immune.
Where people are told to strive to be perfect, and their mistakes or problems can be used to take away "privileges" or status in the congregation, problems will be hidden until they explode.
Blondie
You would also be surprised at the divorce rate amongst contemporary JW marriages. In my own knowledge, app. 12 out of 15 JW marriages around the time of mine (say 1988-1994) have ended in divorce for one reason or another.
Well, considering that my husband was never a JW, he was a happy camper when I decided to leave. We went through so many problems and nearly got divorced. He later became supportive of me while I was a JW, when he realized that he couldn't change my mind about being in the organization but there was always tension between and we were never fully complete because of our differences. We now have the best marriage ever!! We are totally connected in every way and it feels so good. JW's have the nerve to say that they don't BREAK UP marriages and families, what a crock of ___ ___ ___ ___ ! ( You fill in the blanks ) hint: It rhymes with mit.
DIMPLES
Divorced.
Married the wrong person. Desperate for a shag, wouldnt do it the 'wrong' way. So made a collosal life changing mistake instead.
Still alls well that ends well. I have a fantastic partner now whose never been near anything dubby except me!
