Another JW cong story... it's not adultery or fornication if...

by out of the box 18 Replies latest jw experiences

  • out of the box
    out of the box

    Well, here is the second story I said I would post. The quote below prompted me to post my stories. The other being: Experience being 'out of the loop' of helpful information from the cong.

    from dorayakii: To me, even from the outside, the society has always seemed legalistic and cold, eager to find faults, which is precisely the opposite to how Jesus formed Christianity. However, many people don't see that perspective, because they are not in a position of imtimacy with the leaders of the organisation. Maybe it's because my father is a particularly cold and legalistic elder that i've been exposed to so much of the society's "dirty linin". This insight into the central core of the organisation was like opening a box and seeing with my own eyes what i already knew was there.

    I had been through some tough times that I have posted here with the JWs and made my exit myself from the madness and confusion when a friend/bible study of mine who had become baptised started to go wayward herself. She was reacting in a way that was incredible even for her! She had a child when she was 16 and I was the foster parent of her child until she was of age and knew how to care for her daughter herself and we remained friends. She followed me into the JWs. She was now missing meetings and I figured she was following me starting to leave. I discussed this with her and she began to cry. She told me the folowing story. And she had a letter from the brother for me to read.

    She was crying so uncontrolably and explaining to me that she was doomed and that she was being told to move away to another cong. by the elders!!! She had had something to drink (alcohol) and was trying to tell me everything at once it was not easy for her to tell me that she thought she was a looser! I said 'what'??? Finally the story came out of her.

    She had become close to this brother, he was new in the cong. because he had moved here from California with his wife and they were going to have a baby. They were originally from England. Her mother had moved here with them as well. This gal friend of mine had babysat and been so close to them she practically lived there helping them out. This new couple were charasmatic for sure. Attractive people with worldly travels and stories to tell of famous people they had partied with and wore the right clothes and were 'in' they appeared to have money as well. Everyone loved them. I liked them myself, especially the wife.

    Well, this friend of mine told me that she had become intimate with the husband! I said 'what'? She said they had made out and that he would come to her apartment and seek her out and they would take off their clothes (eventually, it took time to get to this phase) and he would lie down on top of her and release himself between her legs. I had to tell you this because you won't believe what was said of this later on. I told her to STOP this, she said she had. I asked her if she had gone to the elders, she said, that she told him that she was going to go to the elders and was feeling so used and her conscience was bothering her. He told her she was right, they should stop and told her to wait until the next morning and organize her thoughts and pray all night.

    Well, that night while she was home gathering herself together, he ran right to the elders to tell his side of the story. He wrote her a letter telling her how the elders would not believe her but him. I read this letter and could not believe how aragant he was! After all he was going out in service, had a nice wife with a new baby and she was a single mom (never married, had a baby out of wedlock) and who would believe her, who would choose her over him? She had seduced him! She did not want me to to talk to anyone for her, but felt stronger knowing I knew her side of things. We talked for hours till she gained some strength. I wanted that letter to show the elders so that he could not fool them. She said 'no'. She thought Jah would take care of him, his actions will come back to him she said. I told her to show the letter to anyone who requested a meeting with her. She didn't do it she felt so humiliated.

    The elders met with her and him and DFd her. He was repremanded and told not to do this again, but it was his weakness since the elders KNEW he HAD done it before more than once!!! Since his wife forgave him, he was OK. He was allowed to continue with a warning and probably doing this over and over with young 'weak' women JW or not JW! The elders told my friend that 'because he did not go inside her he did not commit fornication, nor did he actually cheat on his wife'!!! But she knew better! She was alone and a single mom and went after his affections! I found this out later on when her and I talked about the results of all that happened. Her and I were both really OUT of the org by this time. That 'adventurous' couple moved away from Mass. to Nevada somewhere and who knows where else. He was in a band and they were around music a lot. I found out later that they moved around a lot, I wonder why?

    Why I wrote this is because I have read some of your posts here and a few statements that made me think that if someone read this and something like this or close to it was happening to you, please stop and stay by yourself for a little while and really think over what is happening to your life and save yourself! Find the strength to defend your rights and yourself.

    My old friend ended up in lots of trouble before settling down away from the JWs and out in the world. I no longer hear from her. I have no idea what happened to the 'so called brother'. I should type his name in case he is in a cong. you know of, hummm.

    You see it was EASY for me to leave the JWs and to STAY away!!! All I had to do was look around me!

    out of the box

  • MidwichCuckoo

    Odd that 'nothing happened' from his perspective, but SHE got disfellowshipped for the same 'nothing happening'. It was obvious she was the guilty party, as she wasn't the image the WT likes to promote, ie ''NORMAL family''. Another case of, 'if your face fits'.

  • vitty

    I knew of a case where the brother went to the elders and the sister didnt, he was reproved, she was DFs the reasoning being he confessed and she didnt. Therefore he must have been repentant ans she was not.

  • Bonnie_Clyde

    It all depends on how repentant you are. The elders have a portion of holy spirit and can probably read your mind.

  • vitty


    They dont even have to read your mind, my friend was told that her son was DFs cos they could see in his face he wasnt repentant and was lying, see thats all it takes

  • fleaman uk
    fleaman uk

    It all depends on how repentant you are. The elders have a portion of holy spirit and can probably read your mind. You are being ironic ?? How about People who are defed again almost immediately after reinstatement ...why go through the whole farce all the time?The holy spirit must have a very short attention span or something. Holy spirit on the Elders?Lol

  • kwintestal
    How about People who are defed again almost immediately after reinstatement ...why go through the whole farce all the time?

    Haha ... I was in front of a JC less then a month after being reinstated! I was 18 at the time though, and oddly enough, I wasn't DF'd the second time for a much worse offence.


  • fleaman uk
    fleaman uk

    kwin...your a very naughty Boy!Lol

    But do you see what i mean about the sheer ridiculousness of the "holy spirit"being upon elders.


    According to JW rules they both committed pornea since his genitals were fondled and it was more than "momentary touching" as the elder manual states it.

    No doubt he was given leniency because he was charismatic and persuasive with the elders. These types never become "somebody" in the congs. but they always seem to have the elders ears and become fast friends with the more prominent ones. Plain and simple, he was using your friend to satisfy his sex drive. She however should not be fooling around with someone elses husband wether he is a JW or not. They were both wrong but he is the clear looser.

  • Bonnie_Clyde

    Yes, Fleaman, I was being ironic.

    But I agree with (can't remember name). She shouldn't have been fooling around with another woman's husband. Even most "worldly" people believe it's wrong.

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