I was born into a family that didn't attend church.
My mother had been raised a catholic and was quite fanatical about it until puberty hit and she discovered boys.
Dad's family were Christian but non-practicing. Dad is an atheist.
I was born with a sister 2 years older than me and 2 years later my little brother came along.
We were a young family living in suburbia. Dad went off to work, put in a lot of overtime so he could provide for us and mum worked from home doing childcare so that she could be with us kids.
At around age 2 a single mum moved in with two boys my sister and myself ages next door. We became friends with them.
My sister had her birthday party coming up and mum invited the boys next door. To her surprise the boys were not allowed to come because their family were Jehovah's Witnesses. Mum was not at all familiar with this religion and the neighbour lady explained the odd reasoning behind this doctrine. Stranger still my mum was intrigued by this and wanted to know more! (Why a parent would be intrigued in a good way of depriving their kids of simple happiness's is beyond me...)
So then the witnesses began calling on mum. After coming on a weekly basis for a couple of months they called on mum on a bad day. She had 3 sick children all under the age of 5 and no time to stop and listen to their message. She told them this abruptly and they stopped calling. However after another couple of months mum asked the neighbour lady to get them to start calling again...
Mum was the perfect bible study. She stopped smoking, dragged us kids out to the meetings and witnessing and before you know it she was getting baptised at the local assembly. In the beginning dad was somewhat opposed to this new development and said that he wanted us kids to go to Sunday School. Mum informed him if that’s what he wanted he could take us himself. Which of course as an atheist wasn't going to happen. Score - mum 1 dad 0.
I was about 3 years old when mum got dunked and began her life as the diehard dubbie she is today. It’s all I can remember.
She was diligent in doing all the prestudy with us and personal studies as well. I remember having to get up every Tuesday morning super early and having to sit down in the loungeroom while mum prepared the entire 2 hour meeting with us before school. If we weren't ready on time for preparation... watch out! Mum would fly into a rage and administer the proverbial 'rod' to teach us to have more respect for Jehovah's precious gems of truth. It scared the crappola out of me as opposed to teaching me respect. A beating from my mother was a very traumatic thing.
School was difficult. There were about 100-120 students in my primary school. And EVERYONE knew we were witnesses. We had no friends we were teased we were tormented we were bullied. Mum commended us - true worshipers of Jehovah should expect to get persecuted. Primary school was a very lonely time for us kids. :(
Mum encouraged us to make friends in the congregation. Easier said then done. By now the love bombing from the congregation had all but stopped. Here we were a spiritually fatherless family. Despite us being at every meeting, every week out witnessing, answering at meetings we were still not accepted. I think this is fairly common in JW land for people in this situation. So we had no friends in the congregation either.
On to high school where I now had over 1000 students in the one building to contend with. I was looking forward to starting afresh as most of the kids from my class had gone to another school. However that was not to be. Two girls from my congregation in my year also started at this school. The deemed it fit to spread through the school that I was Jehovah’s Witness. Omitting of course to mention that they too were part of the same religion. And so the taunting etc began again. I spent those 4 years holed up in the library where people wouldn't be able to get to me.
As a young girl going through puberty this was already a very hard time of my life. Having no friends in the congregation and having no friends at school made it harder.
Then mum developed depression. She had a couple of nervous breakdowns and became more extreme in her discipline towards us. The way she used to lay into us kids at the kingdom hall for even an imagined infraction was humiliating.
At age 15 I went to the Doctor as I was suffering from the flu. The doctor sexually assaulted me. I blocked it from my mind and did not recall this had happened until 4 years later.
This made me go downhill even more. I developed bulimia and practiced self-mutilation on my legs and arms where no one could see the marks. I felt so ashamed before Jehovah. He had given me the gift of life and I had sinned so badly by not respecting my body. Yet I couldn't help it.
Mum realised she wasn't in a healthy emotional state. She asked the elders if people from the congregation could study with us kids. Initially they said no but mum flew into a rage and they conceded to her request. A pioneer sister scheduled studies with my sister and I on a weekly basis. After a month of this the sister decided she did not have enough time to study with the both of us so she decided to continue the study with my sister but to let me go. I faced rejection again from one of the highly esteemed pioneers this time.
So back to studying with mum. I grew more and more reclusive. I refused to answer mums study questions. She would refuse to let me eat dinner and send me to bed but still I wouldn't budge.
Another young pioneer couple moved into the congregation and mum invited the sister in on my study. When mum asked questions I would actually reply but with remarks like 'why are you asking me? don't you know the answer?' The pioneer was shocked but mum was so impressed that I was actually talking. She asked this pioneer to take over my study. The pioneer was very cautious about it but after 'prayerful consideration' agreed. Instantly I began to change. She took a genuine interest in my progress and invited me to social nights at her flat. I began to be accepted for the first time in my life. I actually made a friend in the congregation so I was happier at meetings as well. Life was looking up. I began to experience relationships with people for the first time. I was overwhelmed. It was all thanks to Jehovah of course. So at age 17 I took the plunge and took the baptismal vows - dedicating my life to Jehovah and to the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. Whilst still studying at school full time I began auxiliary pioneering regularly. I was so full of Jehovah’s spirit.
Looking back I think I was just elated to have friends. Making just one friend had improved my confidence so much that it was easier to make other friends. Also I now had my licence so could go and meet people in neighbouring congregations.
Things were going nicely. Life had its ups and downs but nothing kept me down for long now.
At age 21 I moved out with a flatmate. I lived in a flatting arrangement for a few years and then decided to see what life was like interstate.
So I sold all my things, packed up my car and drove 13 hours away and began my life again. Once again I made friends with ease. I was having a wonderful time. But now I was really seeking romantic companionship. I was approaching 25 and never had a brother even 2nd look at me. I think I wasn't good dubbie wife material or something. Or maybe I was just one of the lads. I feel in and out of love regularly but never suffered from a broken heart.
One night I was left alone with one of my objects of affection. We were having a good chat and after a couple of hours he had become aroused. I was shocked and embarrassed. I had done nothing to lead to this result and didn't know what to do so I abruptly left. This crush didn't last long as the boy in question was a bit of a no hoper. Everyone began limiting their association with this boy so he blamed me. He ran to the elders and accused me of causing him to become aroused. Next thing I know two elders are on my doorstep to discuss the allegation. They asked many questions as to what happened. Did anyone touch anyone. Did anyone see anything. Did anyone say anything. How many people knew... I hadn't told a soul I was so embarrassed by the event. Miraculously enough my story was believed and I was let off with a warning about association with those of the opposite sex and the need to have chaperones etc.
Soon after that I moved back home for a number of reasons. I moved back into the congregation I had grown up in. Once again I began to experience isolation. Sisters were threatened by me. Here was a single sister aged 27 - she might steal their husbands or something. Mum was still extreme about the truth never missing a meeting encouraging others. She is the perfect dubbie. She would constantly invite people round for a meal and not ever get an invitation in return. This used to really annoy me. I was angry with people for not showing the brotherly love they profess to my mum. Mum was grateful to be invited to a Tupperware party. I was furious.
I couldn't handle it anymore so I moved out again. I had become very good friends with one of the guys in my congregation. Everything was platonic and above board. He became my best friend.
Then I noticed changes in his behaviour. He was spending a lot of time with worldly colleagues. He confessed to me that he had begun smoking pot. He wanted me to try it too. I was not interested. Then one night he went out tried ecstasy. He couldn't believe it. He wanted me to try it too. Assured me that I would love it. He broke me down and after a few months of nagging I tried it. I felt so great when I was high - so confident and so beautiful. Afterwards I felt so scattered but I was loving this new lifestyle. He moved away but I continued on. I had made new worldly friends so went out with them.
I tried more things like speed, acid, crystal meth. Life was so fun. I felt like I was experiencing life as an 18 year old.
I fell in love. A guy 11 years older than me took an interest in me. I lost my virginity to him. The next day he told me he was getting married to someone else in two weeks. I was devastated. I met a couple of other guys randomly and slept with them. I was still seeking a relationship.
All this time I was still attending meetings but not as regularly. Then I stopped going witnessing, I couldn't handle the guilt of my double life. I stopped going to meetings eventually too.
I told mum that I couldn't go to meetings any more because I was so depressed when I was there. I told her I couldn't be in an environment, which resulted in me feeling that way. She was devastated but still hopes one day I will change my mind.
I started a new job where my friend was working. It paid well and I enjoyed the work. A boy at work took an interest in me and we began flirting. Then we started seeing each other. I was smitten. He knew about my party lifestyle and told me that if I chose to do that he didn't want to be around when I did. I wanted him in my life more so I stopped that and fell in love deeply for the first time in my life. I was age 29. We are still together and madly in love. He is the one.
Mum admitted recently that she has never seen me this genuinely happy my whole life.
After a two years of not going to meetings I worked up the courage to google Jehovah's Witnesses and see what was being said about them. I was shocked. In fact I was devastated. Up until this stage I still hoped that the JW's were right. But now I realised that I had been lied to by the Governing Body all my life. I had missed out on a childhood and simple pleasures because of a small group of men. I devoured what ever I could read. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops and help my family and friends escape the religion. However this was not possible due to having just faded. I wanted to keep my relationship open between my family and friends. So instead I hope that I may be able to subtly tell them truths about 607BCE the UN conspiracy, the paedophile cover up and many other things.
I've lost all the friends I had in the congregation. They shun me now when they see me. I guess it scares them to see me so happy and not going to meetings.
But I've made genuine friends since then. People who love me for who I am not what religion I belong to.
I have a wonderful boyfriend.
My experience as I grew up is mild in comparison to the terrible ordeals others have suffered through. But I still felt the hurt, the rejection and the loneliness.
If anything it’s taught me to appreciate the simple things. I love what life has to offer. I embrace difference. I am learning new things. This is the happiest I've been my whole life.
Miss Peaches (and sorry about the length)