Discipline or Child Abuse?

by Dimples 36 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  AllAlongTheWatchtower

  I was abused as a kid, and ended up in foster homes/group homes because of it. Despite that, I still believe that there is a difference between ordinary spanking and discipline, and abuse. However, I have read that abused children often turn out to be abusing parents, and that is one of my greatest fears. It disgusts and angers me when I am in a grocery store or other public place, and see some aggravated parent smack their kid for asking a question or begging for some candy that they see in the check-out line.

  In my opinion, there is such a thing as acceptable spanking:

  1) Should never be done out of anger or knee-jerk reaction. If need be, wait a few minutes, take a deep breath, whatever, until you can do it with rational thought.

  2) Should never involve striking any body part but the buttocks, no slapping of the face or striking any other body part.

  3) Should always be done with a bare hand, not with a paddle or any other object that amplifies the impact.

  4) Should never involve the removal of clothing, this adds an element of shame and possible impropriety that should not be involved in disciplinary action.

  5) Should always be preceded by a lecture on what the child has done wrong, so the child understands what the spanking is for. Not to be crass about it, but the equivalent of putting a puppy's nose to the wet spot when training them to go out. Otherwise they think they are being hit for whatever their last prior action was, instead of what the discipline is for.
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  stillconcerned

  I agree with All Along...

  I was NOT raised JW.

  My parents spanked, but never in anger. Past age 6 (or so), we were never spanked, cuz it wasn't necessary; we understood there would be ramification for poor behavior.

  I was NEVER afraid of my parents. Respect and love them tremendously today...

  If i do HALF so well, I will have arrived as a parent.

  I know too many parents of my generation, especially working moms, who feel too guilty to spank, cuz they spend so little time with their children. I am a working mom, so i understand the temptation...

  As a result, their children are little terrorists who DON'T believe their parents REALLY mean anything they say, believe the world revolves around 'junior', and throw tantrems to get their way.

  It's no favor to fail to discipline a child.

  That said, some seem soft enough by nature that physical discipline is un-necessary.

  Others not...
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  stillconcerned

  edit:

  Upon cool reflection:

  The deciding factor is, i believe, whether the discipline is undertaken in LOVE, and that love is obvious to the child.

  I KNEW my parents loved me, unequivocally.
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  144001

  Children are inherently selfish, and this quality must be removed.

  I hope the person who wrote this doesn't have kids, and if he/she does, that they are seeking counseling for their delusions before they harm their kids.
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  stillconcerned

  weird theology/philosophy...
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  Lady Lee

  I too spanked my girls when they were little. As a child I was beaten and my mother had the belt hanging in the doorway and was never afraid to use it. I got my last beating at 17. My sister left home at 15 and went into foster care. Before that she regularly went to school with bruise on her legs and back.

  So when I had kids I didn't always know how to discipline them but I sure knew I wasn't going to do to them what was done to me. I only hit on the hand or the bottom (which sometimes was a challenge cuz they learned to wiggle a lot).

  My husband the "wonderful" elder used to pinch the girls and leave marks on them that I wouldn't find until I was getting them ready for bed. I would be furious but he never stopped. He also used to kick the girls and more than once I had to pull him away from them.

  After I left the JWs (girls were 9 and 13) I hit the younger one 1 time. That was it. They never got hit again.

  There are better ways to deal with children than spanking. Do a bit of research. Buy some of the new books on parenting. They are wonderful

  One other note. When I was at the hall one day with my first baby and she was only about 4 weeks old a sister came into the washroom where I was trying to quiet a newborn. She told me I should spank her to get her to stop crying. 4 weeks old!!! Good lord.
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  troucul

  One could never convince me that a pat on the bottom is abuse. Spanking, done correctly, is just.

  An analogy-In the military, if a private screws up, the drill sergeant or sergeant will "smoke" the private (pushups, situps, etc.) if he screws up. The private will be smoked until he is tired. It hurts. But when it is done, the private is stronger, not just physically, but mentally, for he knows what he/she has done wrong, and will not do it again.

  Damn, if my wee one knew what a pushup was, I'd avoid spanking and just "smoke" him.