Paying for the pioneer (page 2)

wanderlustguy

It's your MOTHER, how many more times will you get to see her before you can't anymore?

upside/down

Wlg- I wondered the same thing...only the opposite.

u/d (of the isn't it great when you love more than you're loved class)

Thegoodgirl

UpsideDown: LOL! Love more than you're loved. Ain't it true? (Well that's how it feel sometimes, anyway).

Yeah, exactly who cares about the cult, I want to see mom. I have gone to visit her several times in the past three years since I moved from the state she's in, but I bought a house last year, and I just havent gotten to share that with her. I know she would love stuff about it like it's old, and has all those little old details like big wooden frames around the doors, etc. And it has a built in china cabinet, which I know she will love. (Of course terrible plumbing/electric and all that other old house stuff.) Actually it reminds me of the house we lived in before she got the truth. It was also old, and my parents always wanted an old, charactaristic fixer-upper. They she got the truth, they moved South, and got divorced. But they both (mom and dad) refer to that old house as good times when we were all still together. Anyway, the house has a lot of meaning to me, like I'm normal again, back where I started. I think seeing it will help her remember old times, and bring out the normalcy in her, the non JW side.

upside/down

Now your thinking...

u/d

Carol

I went through the same thing when I bought my last house, come to think of it I paid for Mom's trip down then. Give yourself a gift and "pay for the Pioneer", because in all reality what you're really doing something for yourself, you denied yourself or were denied enough gifts when you were associated with "the truth"......so if your Mother will come....send her the ticket! Life is to short to have regrets!

katiekitten

If it was just a friend I would say dont pay, but this is your mother. If it was me and my partner was going to cause a stink about it id pay behind his back and lie about it and say she'd paid herself.

My reasoning is this: its your mum, and however unfairly she treats you, you have to live with how you treat her. Even though my mum treats me like shit, and my partner says im a doormat for her, and im a dog that just keeps going back to her for another good kicking, I cant be as mean back to her - because I have to live with myself about that, and it would make me feel so bad.

So do whatever you know you can live with, and if that means paying for her ticket, do it and tell yourself you are doing it to maintain your own level of humanity.

Save your life lessons for other freeloaders who arent as closely related. Just my opinion - feel free to ignore it.

Scully

I have mixed feelings about this issue. Clearly your mom has made this lifestyle her choice. Nobody forced her to pioneer, and nobody forces her to keep pioneering. She has a lot of enablers who allow her to mooch off them. She gets by on the generosity of other people.

I guess I just don't buy into the rationalization for supporting freeloaders. Maybe there's a bit of a martyr complex at work with your mom that gives her some kind of perverse satisfaction to do without in order to be appreciated (with gifts) instead of earning her own way in the world. I could not live that way personally. I actually feel a sense of accomplishment when I'm able to pay my own way, instead of having someone always having to bail me out financially. I would be mortified if I had to ask for a relative to pay my way to visit them.

If you want to show her your house, borrow a video camera and send her a video tour. Or send pictures. But if she wants to visit, I'd seriously make her pay her own way. If she wants to visit badly enough, she'll find a way to make it work, even if she has to get the money from the congregation.

wanderlustguy

My mom hasn't been to see me in about 5 years, for whatever reason. I agree if someone wants something enough they will make it happen, but I never regret spending the money or time to go see her. She took care of me when no one else would have, and definately when I didn't show her half the appreciation she demonstrates to me just for showing up.

It's just money. When your mom is gone, how much would you give to see her one more time?

That's all I can think about in situations like these. Same for my dad, I'll go see the b*stard, even if just because one day I wish I had done it more.

garybuss

I bet your husband would agree to paying the return to home trip expenses to be sure the visitor left. I would. I'd maybe throw in a bonus if she'd agree to leave early.

melmac

I think the point is WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

From there on, it's downhill.

If you really want to see her, go for it.

If you are more interested in showing who's right, don't pay.

Anyway, it bothers me that your husband doesn't approve of it. That's more important than enabling her lifestyle or not.

MHO, anyway.

Paying for the pioneer

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