Paying for the pioneer

Thegoodgirl

Hi guys, let me get your opinion on this:

My mom's a pioneer, so she scrapes by on little money, refuses to work overtime, and tries to even survive on part time entry level work. She can survive, but when it comes to getting appliances fixed, going on vacation, buying new clothes, she has to rely on others gifts and donations to her.

I want her to come visit me, and I need to pay for her ticket. I am willing to do this, knowing she's a die hard, and she will never stop pioneering to pay for these "little things". She'd rather consider it just a sacrifice for Jehovah that she never visits me.

SO, my husband, who has never been a JW is totally against the idea saying we shouldn't support her in that lifestyle because it will only encourage her to keep pioneering. I am not sure if we would even have to pay for the whole thing, I'm sure half would help a lot. So anyway, I'm quite upset about it, not that I'd obey him anyway, but it will cause lots of conflict when I buy the ticket. Is anyone else dealing with a similar die hard with no money?

GG

Dragonlady76

Thegoodgirl,

That's a tough situation. I would agree with your husband though, your mother choose to scrape by in order to pioneer, it's not like she's unable to make more $. It's up to you to decide the best thing but, I would respect your husbands wishes, marriage is 50/50 and in the end he is the one you have to deal with on a daily basis and this may cause a lot of discord between the both of you.

DL76

greendawn

If the ticket is not really expensive and you have to buy one once every blue moon and you don't have to otherwise support her then perhaps this is not a big deal for your husband to make it into an issue.

Thegoodgirl

DragonLady: Yes, and I know it will cause a lot of discord.

Greendawn: I know, it isn't often that we have to help her out. In fact, this is the first time, though we've been lucky that she doesnt' have other suprise expenses come up like medical bills.

She's pretty independent and never asks for money. We all grew up that lifestyle. Independent, but poor women. We often had donations of groceries from the congregation. But we never asked for them. And mom would try to get a better job when it got that bad. It's just that she's always living on as little as possible, so if I want to see her, it's just silly for me to expect for her to come up with the money.

upside/down

Don't be an "enabler"...

Wow...she views NOT seeing you as a "sacrifice to J"...now let me get this staight ( I pioneered for 5 years...with a wife and three kids where the great were needed) she'd spend her meager resources spending EVERYDAY visiting strangers (mostly not at home) but not pony up a little or put A LITTLE extra effort needed to come see you...? Something doesn't add up...

One word comes to mind...."love".....where is it?

No offense...but most pioneers I knew were FREE LOADERS, that disguised their disdain for work with the "righteous" cloak of "service".

I'm with your hubby on this one... Let J take care of her if it's so important to her....she's got her priorities straight...you should too.

And I'm not sure how you feel bout "da troof"...but remember if you enable her...you enable the cult...something to think about.

Please keep in mind too that my comments are HEAVILY biased as my family and I are now completely shunned by this loving organization and it's adherents...for doing nothing but giving 110% blind and loyal support for 20 years....but what do I know.

u/d (of the thrown to the curb like a cheap whore class)

Dragonlady76

so if I want to see her, it's just silly for me to expect for her to come up with the money.

No it's not silly at all, you love your mom and want to see her, it's a shame she cannot get her priorities straight and work more hours or take a month off pioneering to save up so that she can come visit you, her daughter, the child she carried in her womb, gave birth to and nurtured. My head spins at the thought of mothers not putting their kids first. Can you talk with your mom and explain that you want to see her and see if she could find a way to make or save the extra $. Maybe you can get her to meet you half way with the $, then perhaps your husband may be more receptive.

DL76

upside/down

From the sounds of it...your Mom knows that you will make it all somehow work (enable)... and if not...~~doesn't care~~ just chalks it up to some kind of "sacrifice" to J. So what exactly is the "sacrifice"? Wouldn't it be MORE of a "sacrifice" to do a little extra overtime etc...and come to see you?

Wierd logic...

u/d (of the hope it all works out class)

Thegoodgirl

It's odd, when we were kids, my grandparents or aunts/uncles would pay for our plane tickets to come visit. I was always grateful and embarrassed, but thought, well we're poor and they're rich, so it makes sense. Now that I'm older Ican see we were only poor because we chose to be. In fact I'm finding out how many opportunities we actually had to get out of that situation, but were turned down by mom so that she could keep pioneering.

I'm somehow not mad at her for that, it's just all part of being in a cult. I just feel that my paying for her isn't going to change anything in the long run about her faith. It will just get me what I want which is for her to come visit me. I don't want to support a cult, but some things are just bigger than us, like 4 million people blindly following the men in Brooklyn. Nothin I can do but make the best of the situation.

Upsidedown: I didn't know you worked where the need was great. sorry you got the short end of the stick from the society. Glad you realized it and got out.

La Capra

Why don't you go see her? You pay for your travel, she pays for hers. I always go to my parents to visit, I never make them come to me. Shoshana

Carol

You could also put it to your husband this way...."she doesn't celebrate (pick one - Christmas, Birthdays, Mother's Day), so we save $$ there, it would be a nice gift for me to see her for a couple of days!" Are you enabling her....probably. But isn't the real issue you want to see your Mother?

Failing your husbands cooperation on buying her ticket, then go see her, let him take care of things at home while your gone!

Paying for the pioneer

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