Do you really want to get over it?

by Markfromcali 23 Replies latest watchtower medical

• 

  Markfromcali

  Hi Spark, I do not mean to imply the two are separate - but it is good to distinguish for the sake of clarity of intent. Obviously it depends on how far you take it too, and some of it just comes with time and it is no longer about the JW past anyway.

  Tetra I hear where you're coming from. That is what I was getting at in another thread commenting on how one becomes enmeshed with friends and family. It becomes this sticky codependent thing rather than being clear, which can still be love - it's just not this kind of needy addictive attachment. And actually, that freedom allows you to feel and care more, you're not stuck in this little stale relationship pattern going nowhere, with people wanting you to be a certain way.
• 

  Markfromcali

  I want say a little bit more about Tetra's point. I am clear that I am not my parents son, my siblings brother and so on. Those are relationships. I actually got over that a long time ago. Now that doesn't mean I don't have affection for people in my life, but it's not this overwhelming thing that I live off of. Other people may have their ideas about you, (like you'll always be your parents little boy/girl) but that doesn't have to determine what you are - even in your interaction with them. To be frank I think this is simply a matter of maturation.
• 

  ivy

  I have stared at this question for a long time. It's like Mt. Everest. I'm one of those people that dropped out and went on with everything and never delt with the issues that my upbringing had instilled in me.
  

  Because on the other hand you can ignore it and just find good life experiences and never deal with it - maybe.

  I did that for years, but it caught up with me. I don't know, maybe I just reached the point in my "hierarchy of needs" that I had to deal with it and thus, get over it.
  
  For me, getting over it looks like a lot of work, and a lot of time that I don't really have. Sometimes it is something that I really want to do, and sometimes I'm just furious. No, I don't really want to climb that Mt. Everest, I just want to be on the other side.
• 

  Markfromcali

  Ivy, by seriously considering the question you've already worked on it. You don't need to spend many years studying psychology to get over it. While it can be helpful, clearly some people who are otherwise psychologically savvy still have issues. It's not necessarily a matter of navigating a complex process.

  I think if you really want to, then that is going to make the big difference. What I can tell you from experience is it's not just a matter of psychological work, because the content can still be there but it's as if the power source for it can get unplugged. Even if the same pattern is there when that happens you will see it just fades over time. But that doesn't happen if you are focused on attaining a normal life and ignore it, it's a matter of clearly seeing it being perpetuated and disconnecting that attachment.

  And it is naturally to kind of go back and forth, because for one thing at certain points it may simply no longer interest you. You might get away from it for a while with daily life, and come back to it with certain insights or whatever. And above all, I would emphasize that it's not just a matter of resolving your JW past - because sometimes if you want the mental freedom and focus on that it just naturally takes care of this as a part of the bigger picture.
• 

  greendawn

  The point is if you don't have mental freedom, that can stifle your creativity everywhere in all other areas of life, in relationships, education, employment so it's important to have the dignity of mental freedom.
  
  Can't live in an environment where you are prohibited from expressing your opinions because some senile sods claim it will undermine the unity of the "brotherhood".
• 

  tetrapod.sapien

  For me, getting over it looks like a lot of work, and a lot of time that I don't really have. Sometimes it is something that I really want to do, and sometimes I'm just furious. No, I don't really want to climb that Mt. Everest, I just want to be on the other side.

  i realize that i must sound like some sort of evangelist for non-theism sometimes. but garybuss said it the best in some thread long ago that i read. he basically said that getting over the concept of theism in the first place was what really helped in the huge journey we all make as ex-wits.

  and i agree, of course. we can focus on doctrine and psychology all we want. but for a lot of us, there is a huge short cut to be had in removing god from the picture to all together. doctrine and psychology are important, but how important it is to you, is a matter of how you deal with the basic issues of what you think about god and spirituality in the first place. IMO.

  and markfromcali and james thomas, have been these kind of brilliant spokesmen for truly getting free. and as they can tell you way more eloquently than i could, it is about turning inward, feeling the power you have there, and just being.

  best wishes,

  TS
• 

  Markfromcali

  And theism is just one idea. You can get over one idea through another idea, but getting over ideas across the board is going to do a lot more than targeting what may be key ideas. And it is about you getting over it, rather than a method or way or thinking about it. If we're talking about getting over thoughts, then of course you wouldn't rely on another thought. For that matter there is no recommendation as to adopting new ways of thinking, it is about you 'taking charge'. Thats why these discussions go back to knowing yourself, because it is a matter of knowing who you are as the one who thinks the thoughts, rather than you defined and limited by the ideas you have. That might even sound very similar, but one is pre-thought and one is post-thought. If you pay close attention you can get a good sense of who you are before the thought even arises, before recalling the beliefs or counter-beliefs you might have heard. What is that like?
• 

  gumby

  (obviously there are some who cannot do this)

  Obviously there are thousands who have families that shun them, divorce them, disown them. And obviously there are those who were raised in it and had it ingrained in them since birth. Your question is vague because you directed it at all ex-witnesses...... some who have no family in the organisation or many friends, and some who have never really believed it was the truth or lived it....only went through the motions.

  Some of us LIVE WITH IT.....which makes it a little tough to...."get over"

  Gumby
• 

  FlyingHighNow

  Some of us LIVE WITH IT.....which makes it a little tough to...."get over"

  Gumby

  Yes, it's not like being JWs didn't do major damage in some of our lives. Some of it is lasting damage to lack of transfusions, etc. There is financial ruin and like you said, Gummah our beloved family members and friends we have lost.
• 

  gumby

  Hey Heatherjack....what's cookin

  I don't think it's a matter of WANTING to get over it. Some can't get away from it. Some don't want to get over it because they want to see this pile of crap of a religion fall flat on it's face so they come to places such as this to expose it and to keep abreast of any information that tells them it's crumbling.

  Getting burned badly isn't easy to forget. Hey....that would be a cool country song....eh?

  Gumby