My Anger is Building & Building

by LouBelle 29 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  LouBelle

  Hey everyone - I have this anger, perhaps rage boiling within me, it has been for the past week since I was disassociated. My feelings of dislike are turning to bitterness & hate against this organisation. I learnt today that the elders have lied to my family. I just don't know what else they have said about me. I want to explode. I sent the below email to some of my family members & 2 friends just letting them know:..... Since last week I've been deep in thought, pondering over the whole judicial committee case on a whole. All I know is they announced that I am no longer a Jehovahs' Witness because I disassociated myself! This is the reason the elders are giving, I mean no disrespect to them at all. The truth of the matter is not once did I say I didn't want to be a Jehovha's Witness nor did I write a letter to this effect. What I did say is that if I'm not getting spiritually fed, how can I continue to go to meetings. It may seem like a matter of semantics, but it's clearly not. You all know me to be a very passionate & honest person, honest in a way that it works against me. When the elders told me on numerous occassions that I was turning my back on the organisation & Jehovah I had to keep asserting that I still love Jehovah deeply & my attention has been turned toward him & that that I'm loyal to Jehovah & not an organisation. They are not on par! They are in no way equal. Because of this "disassociation decision" my family has been taken away from me. I love my family dearly. And every active Witnesses that hears that I disassociated myself (which I never did) will probably wonder why & may come to whatever clonclusion they feel, and probably the wrong one. I'm the one that is left to feel like the "DIRTY" person. I will not be made to feel condemed by any one or any organisation. I did nothing wrong. This is the truth of it & you are all important to me & since we worship a God of truth, the truth must be known. All my love

  my one cousin replies with this.... Lou I know you mean well and I Love you and feel that the elders have done you a great wrong but feel that they did what they thought was best for the congregation even though it that you know it was wrong what they did to you and your mom but I need to Obey Jehovah's commandments so would feel guilty if I read this what you have sent to me so im very sorry!! I didn't realise how angrey or hurt I would feel. I didn't realise that these elders, men that have literally seen me grow up from a small tot would outrightly LIE about me (these lies aren't in the email) I'm FLOORED / SPEECHLESS. I know my mother put up a post for legal advise or suggestions....please help. I want them to know that this is total BullSh*t. It boils down to defamation of MY charactor. I just want to scream & beat something up.
• 

  Bryan

  I'm sorry LouBelle,

  There are many emotions we have to through once we have lost friend and family because of the Watchtower. It's like a death and you probably will morn their loss as well as bear this anger toward the Watchtower.

  Hang in there, and it would help if you saw a theropist to help you get through it. It does take time, but once you're through it all, you'll feel much better and be able to on with your life, in a happy and productive way.

  Take care,

  Bryan

  Have You Seen My Mother
• 

  DannyBloem

  Hi LouBelle,

  I am very sorry to hear this. It seems that when you are not in, you are completely out. It is so sad.

  And that for elders who should be loving and caring for the sheep. It shows something.

  You can try to appeal the decission, but I do not know how succesfull it can be. And they will ask you a lot of questions.

  Danny
• 

  PaulJ

  ya know what LouBelle, it kinda makes me angry as well!! How can people be so blinkered!!! I have always believed a spiritual relationship is between you and God, not you and an organisation. How dare they try and govern you like that! Its such a shame that your family are worshipping the BOE and not Jehovah.
• 

  Crumpet

  Loubelle - something similar happened to me although I didn;t realise until long after - but I was told that it had either been announced or people had been told that I had DA'ed myself, which I don't believe I did. I certainly didn't write anything. I was told that I had DA'ed through my actions...

  Its okay to be angry just don't let it burn you out - or stay angry. You may also end up feeling quite impotent because there is nothing you can do except work towards being allowed back in - takes longer if you;ve DAed than if you've been DFed I believe. And then think of all the useful things you could be doing to improve your life than trying to rejoin this club full of imaginary rules and people who are afraid to stand on their two feet and steer their life without God.

  The greatest loss of course is your family - but remember its them that have the problem and the warped thinking - not you.

  Hugs,

  crumpet
• 

  rebel8

  I just want to scream & beat something up.

  I was in a full anger state a few months ago about jw stuff--not for the same reason--but I felt similarly. I decided to channel my anger into activism. I started a web site, wrote & published a book, and did some other stuff. I do feel a sense of relief--a feeling I'm finally doing something to help people avoid the cult to cancel out all the preaching I used to do.

  Is there some way you can channel your anger into something good? Write letters to people, or do postcards (this is discussed in another thread)? Maybe that would make you feel better.
• 

  RichieRich

  I just want to scream & beat something up.

  Go buy some weights....

  Just work out when you're angry. THat's what I do, and look at me

  <--------
• 

  jt stumbler

  Sorry to hear of your struggle Lou, I hope time will heal your wounded

  emotions like it has mine.
• 

  144001

  Again, Richie provides wise insight. Focus that anger on something physical. You must release it or you might do something you regret later. Go punch the heavy bag, ride a bike, or lift some weights. You need to vent that rage before it adversely affects you.
• 

  prophecor