Does anybody else feel this way?

by boy@crossroads 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • FlyingHighNow
    FlyingHighNow

    It's funny, growing up in the Episcopal Church, I never experienced fear of God at all. I had a very healthy view of God and never entertained the idea he would harshly judge human beings or torture them or anything. He was like a grandfather who loved us all unconditionally. I didn't believe in hell simply because even a child can reason that the hell doctrine is one used to scare people. I think most children have a naturl BS detector that adults often mess with and distort.

    Then come the JWs into my life when I was 17. They instilled fear in me when I was very vulnerable. It's just bewildering to have small traces of that fear left after being away from the KH since 1991.

    Gradually though, the fears become fainter and fainter. I don't think about that kind of fear but once in a while these days.

  • prophecor
    prophecor

    Hi boy@crossroads. Everybody gets a clean piece of paper with me. I give them ample opportunity to paint the best picture possible so that we can both, hopefully, get off to a good start. I've had folks appear in and out of my life who after getting to know them, I come to the conclusion that they've been given enough paper for me to now draw my own conclusions.

    Some folks I write off as being unworthy of sharing my energies with, others I find that there is some common ground we can share in. Then there are those who are going to be there with me for life, and I for them as well. Though these are fewer and far between, I've come to realize, at least for me, that in this life you may only be allowed a hand full of friends, enough to count on one hand, but that's OK.

    Then there are those who are and will always be nothing other than acquaintances. I try as best I can to get along with all persons, even those for whom I have no natural inclination towards and those I just don't like. I will always try, if nothing else to be respectful and courteous to those I do not necessarilly care for. Quite often, these are the ones I can most learn from and they me.

  • LouBelle
    LouBelle

    I used to think that Jehovah looked down on us and shake his head in dispair. Never thought I'd make it if Armegeddon came because I wasn't the perfect witness. But now that I"ve left I look up and ask him why??? Someone on here mentioned that God is like the lil boy with a magnifying glass and we're the ants....we are the experiment....and in a way that is true.

    As for when I meet people, I kinda get a feel about them but will initially try get on with them & see how things develop

  • dorayakii
    dorayakii
    Wow, really appreciate everyones advice. especially these hit a chord with me:
    The Biblical drama which is stealing away the vibrant aliveness of the moment is simply mental programming. Shift attention away from thoughts and mental interpretations of life, to what is real, to the actual silent sensations of life.

    I also found this advise immensely helpful.

    I found that a popular Buddhist saying is quite similar in concept to this principle. The saying goes: "When you drink, only drinking. When you are tired, only sleep. If someone is hungry, give them food. That's all. It is very simple."

    The first of the three principles kinda means that when you are doing various daily tasks try not to evoke an emotion or knee-jerk response, merely try to observe what is occuring in its own setting without thinking of what is could mean for someone in Outer Mongolia 500 years time. This is essentially the same as JamesThomas's advice to "shift attention away from thoughts and mental processes and focus on what is real"; but just put in a different way.

    Another version of the saying is "When eating, become the eating. The mind will attain stillness". A slightly amusing parody of this can be found here:

    (btw. even though i keep mentionning Buddhism, i'm not a Buddhist, i just find that some of their basic principles and techniques are useful in dealing with post-JW-stress syndrome.)

    Dorayakii of the "become-the-spoon" class

  • Markfromcali
    Markfromcali


    Not to go off topic, but it is relevant to point out that the feeling of stillness is not it. That is not what they talk about in zen, as was pointed out by Kwong Roshi in the audio link from Dansk's vigil thread a couple of weeks ago. The stillness that is pointed to is already there, the mind may "attain" stillness but that is actually mind following the pre-existing stillness.

    Frankly it isn't about how you feel or any kind of experience. If you get it, you can listen to heavy metal music and feel that, resonate with it but have the stillness simultaneously, just as an example.

    As far as the idea of "become eating" and the like, that helps to point out the absorption and awareness being completely engaged, but it doesn't mean you are identified with it. Whether you have a conditioned response is not the point, it's whether or not there is identification with any of it. If you identify with this witnessing activity, for example, it would be what Chogyam Trungpa called unskillful in I believe it was the book Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism. This is what most people try to do when they are trying to be "mindful." Awareness is there, it's a fact, it's not something you do. Any such witnessing one tries to do will only be contrived efforting, putting the cart before the horse.

    To put it another way, it isn't about altering your experience. Whether your experience is one of fear and anxiety or one of peace and bliss is irrelevant from the perspective of stillness. Naturally when this is seen clearly those feelings tend to fade and become smaller and insignificant over time, but it does not come from trying to change anything. It is what the bible calls peace beyond understanding. (obviously not the NWT rendering) You don't feel better and more peaceful, you realize something beyond feelings.

  • dorayakii
    dorayakii

    Thanks for the clarification mark, you obviously know a lot more about it than me. As i said i'm not a Buddhist nor an expert, but i like many of the ideas that i see, so i just look into various practices and ideas, bring my own interpretation to them, take them and add them to my own life philosophy, which helps me to deal.

    Coming back to the thread theme, because of my personal ideas, i no longer have the feeling of a biblical drama being unfolded everytime i watch the news. Its brought me a feeling of peace not to have to worry about things i can't control, or worry about what prophecy is going to be fulfilled next. It used to give me a right headache when i was mentally captive to the WTS.

  • Markfromcali
    Markfromcali

    Being mentally captive to other things and philosophies can sometimes be a good transition point. What things like zen points out is you do not have to be mentally captive, period. So it isn't about advocating eastern stuff or anything like that, if anyone wants to explore any systems I say go for it. If it is by nature confining it will become evident soon enough!

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