What is you (or somebodies) best blooper in the KH? (page 7)

loosie

so swiftbreeze what happened when you got home?

Kids ..I think it's their job to embarrass us

katiekitten

Thats just reminded me of some things I did as a kid - not bloopers in the KH, but KH related.

I had been invited to a kids house for tea - her mum was having a bible study with an elder. Me and this kid were talking at the teatable, we were about 7. This kids parents were divorced, and was telling me quite embarrasing things about how her mum and dad fought. I felt sorry for the kid and thought it would help if i mutually disclosed. So i told her that my dad had thrown the ketchup bottle at my mum in an argument and the sauce had gone all over the ceiling. (It was true).

The mum must have been listening, and promptly grassed up my fighting parents to the elder she was studying with (I thought you people didnt do things like that). The elders bollocked my parents, and my parents bollocked me.

Well I didnt throw the chuffin' sauce bottle did I?? I was only 7.

Secondly, I once wrote in my day book at school when I was 5 (it was at Christmas and we wer supposed to be writing about what we were looking forwrd to at christmas, but I had special dispensation to 'just write anything'). So I wrote "I do not celebrate christmas. I have lots of problems but I do not mind I can cope with them. It does not matter".

The school got in touch with my parents. I got bollocked.

(ive still got the day book, I showed my partner it the other day. Id be totally fooking humiliated if my daughter wrote anything like that.)

dorayakii

"I do not celebrate christmas. I have lots of problems but I do not mind I can cope with them. It does not matter".

ROFL... loved this one... i started a new thread at http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/93654/1.ashx so this one can carry on with KH bloopers...

This one happened on Thursday at my book-group this week. My grandmother who's getting on a bit, made a comment about "how the narrative part of the book of Daniel benefits us".

She started off in her Jamaican accent saying how "de 3 boys didnt bow down to the idol, so Nebuchaznezzar trew dem into de lion's den so the lions could eat dem up... but an angel came and put out de fire so dey didnt burn in de fire and de angel wrote some "meeni meeni" words on de wall... and de lion's were sshockked... dey were so sssshockked to see a hand writing "meeni meeni" on de wall dat dey never even bothered eating de 3 boys."

LMAO...She quite often makes funny comments like this, mixing 2 or 3 stories, at our group book study. She hardly ever gets asked to comment at meetings because her comments can go on and on, and she loses the original point she was trying to make.

acadian

Two sisters in their teens, had a #3 talk or somthing, anyway there was a word that sounded like masturbated , and this sister kept saying masturbated all through her talk, the other sister tried to keep her wits but finally lost it and started busting up laughing, and couldn't stop, then others in the hall started laughing, finally the sister realized what she was saying, and I think she probably wanted to die right there.

Oh, and there was this sister, that every time she would come out of the restroom her dress was always tucked in her panty hose, of course she sat near the front. Personally I think she just liked to show her booty.

Acadian

Carol

I really have two that I remember and having to be "a perfect little example" at the meeting because my Dad wasn't a witness...really make them stand out:

The first, my brother around 3 at the time (now 49 and df'd for 31 years) was taken to the ladies room by my mother for "discipline" because he was moving around to much and not paying attention (??), he was told after being spanked that if he made a "peep" during the meeting he would return to the ladies room and the spanking would be harder! On the way up the center aisle to our 4th row seats, this darling blue eyed moppet with a head of curls turns my mother's face to his and quite loudly tells her "I'M GOING TO PEEP". My mother spent the rest of the meeting in the library, where she could hear but not see the meeting. I will not go into what happened at home....

When I was about fifteen, I was sitting in the front row with ar friend of mine about the same age. We were sitting next to the CO who always used two chairs, one for his ample girth the other for his huge bookbag, which he carried all of his books and talks in and which was always left open. Well, as usual, the meeting was dull and dry and we became distracted by this open, looming, forbidden territory and my friend dared me to put my hand in it...which I did. We got into such fits of giggles that I had tears running down my face......the next thing I knew, I was picked up by the hair of my head and marched down the center isle by my mother.....I was embarrassed because a guy I had a crush on was home from Bethel that weekend. He's no longer associated and neither am I, what a difference 39 years make!

Wasanelder Once

One day at a meeting for service, the elderly brother conducting was making car groups. He asked for volunteers to work together and made arrangements for three car groups of four people. He had a fourth group of three and needed one more sister to join them. He looked at the large group, some of which had previous arrangements and some of which were shy and said, "Do I have a single sister who is loose that would like to join this group?" That pretty much ended the meeting! No hands were raised.

Also these misreads by bookstudy readers:

The isrealites carried the Tablenaker through the wilderness. (Tabernacle)

Brothers Knorr and Franz engaged in a world cycling tour. (Circling)

The angel appeared with the Pee of the Abyss in his hand. (DUH)

JohnnyMarr

Once an elder was giving a talk about Balaam and he kept speaking about how Ballam "whooped his ass". I'm from the rural south and when you hear the phrase "whooped his ass", you automatically think of a physical confrontation between two people and one person coming up sith the short end of the stick. Me and my friends couldn't wait to get out in the parking lot after the meeting and just die laughing. I hear even the brothers in the elders meeting that night got a big laugh out of it.

tdogg

This is embarassing, but okay, here goes: I was 6 years old giving my first public talk. I was nervous. I had to pee. I got on stage. I was nervous. I began to read my talk, just how daddy wrote it. I peed. I felt it run down the leg of my red corderoy (spelling?) suit. I finished my talk, word for word just how daddy wrote it. Daddy was not proud and neither was Jehovah .

mkr32208

I have two animal related ones;

Several times in the old hall mice would get into the florecent lights and you because the lights were so bright you couldn't see the mice just little ghostly mice feet on the lense walking around... everyone in the hall stopped paying attention and watchend the little feet walk back and forth back and forth...

The other is in the new hall their was a seperate liturature room/entryway and a sister was in their during the meeting with her child... Meanwhile a large wolf spider (very fast, very hairy, very very very large) was walking around on the wall in the main hall. Now these spiders are BIG maybe 3.5 inches across, this old goober of a brother couldn't just sit there and WATCH the spider he had to be a hero so he grabbed a broom and took a shot at it but like I said before these suckers are FAST and he missed! Instead of pulling back and regrouping he chased it and managed to hit it a SWEEPING blow instead of a direct blow and it flew across the room over about 1/3 of the hall (it was like watching a reverse wave at the super bowl everyone ducking in their seats en' mass as this spider flies by over their heads) and flew out into the foyer where the sister was with her kid... They had missed the inside party and so had no clue when suddenly this giant a$$ spider flies in the door followed closly by brother dickhead (at least thats what the bullies called him)... it was a riot broke up the hall... spider escaped!

loosie

Ok my blooper wasn't at the hall it was the assembly.

The talk was about not being like Lot's wife "Don't turn around". Well everytime (which was quite often) the brother said "don't turn around", I did. mommy was not pleased with me. lol

What is you (or somebodies) best blooper in the KH?

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