What is you (or somebodies) best blooper in the KH?

by DannyBloem 70 Replies latest watchtower scandals

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  DannyBloem

  For example: we had a 'faithfull' brother getting older and confused. When something did not really went as he liked it (didn't get the answer etc) he shouted very loudly 'God doom me in the hell!'

  One time I had to do the closing prayer on the midweek meeting. I was just back from holyday, and had an encounter with two chinese sisters the last day of my holyday. When praying I got confused when thinking 'I must not say: O, thank you Jehovah for those two chinese sisters that were in my bed last night'. While confused I did manage to finish the prayer normally without saying that thought aloud.

  Later the PO came to me and said: what kind of prayer was that? I did not understand anything, did you speak Chinese?

  any other bloopers?
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  Elsewhere

  When I was a kid I was sleeping at a meeting (as usual) and I woke up just in time to hear the conductor ask the kids what lots wife was turned into. He said: I'll give you a hint, you put it on french fries.

  I put my hand up and proudly answered: Ketchup.
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  tetrapod.sapien

  i was on microphone duty once, and we had these stupid booms holding the mics so we could just place it in front of the persons mouth while they commented. well, i must have been lacking something one night because my arm jerked while this sister was giving her comment, and i hit her right in the teeth with the mic. she didn't finish, after the feedback stopped and whatnot.
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  skin

  I was on the mixing desk one meeting, about 1min into the song I slipped my chair back so I could stand up and sing, somehow the power cable was around 1 of the chair legs and out of the wall it came, music stopped, all eyes looking back at me but everybody carried on singing. One of the bro's told me to quickly press play, yeh right. continued singing with no music.
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  iggy_the_fish

  So this one day we're having the usual encouragement from the platform to beat ourselves up following Paul's example, and as part of that we're all reading along with the "I pummel my body and lead it as a slave" scripture.

  A brother puts his hand up and starts waxing lyrical about how this scripture always reminds him of how his mother used to use a pummel stone to take off the hard skin on the bottom of his feet. Cue general confusion, followed by a helpful member of the congregation pointing out that perhaps he meant a pumice stone?

  From that point on, the pumice stone in our house (for we had one) became the pummel stone, and whenever the scripture above was read, I could be found sniggering and reading in my head "I pumice my body and lead it as a slave". It helped to make Paul a bit less scary.

  ig.
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  dorayakii

  One of my all time favourites was when one of our elders was giving an explanation of Balaam and the talking donkey. (Bet you know whats coming already, LOL!)
  With his mixed up Barbados/British accent, and his obvious misunderstanding of the word "ass" in this context, this elderly elder kept on pronouncing the word like "arse".
  "Baalam began to strike the arse with his staff in order to turn it away from the road"...
  "The arse began to squeeze Balaam's foot against the wall"...
  "Balaam went on beating the arse some more"...
  "Finally, Jehovah opened the mouth of the arse and it began to speak"...
  The kids were smirking and the adults were avoiding eye contact, but eventually, as the brother kept on repeating these fine details over and over again, decorum in the Hall began to deteriorate. I had tears rolling down my cheeks trying to keep from laughing. Eventually, the brother uttered the magic words: "so brothers, what significance does this talking arse have for our day?"
  6 or 7 people, including myself just lost it, and went out into the entrance hall in hysterics.
  After that meeting, i heard some diehard humourless elderly ones comment that "Jehovah's spirit really did seem to leave that meeting". They obviously either didn't understand the joke, or were so stuck up their own donkeys to find it funny.
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  iggy_the_fish

  ROFLMFAO @ dorayakii

  "so brothers, what significance does this talking arse have for our day?"

  bwaa haaa haaa
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  Qcmbr

  Ahh I can't beat the talking bum but here's my wife's story...
  
  
  She was in a church in the UK , near Sunderland, where a brand new Utah bred missionary was sent. He knew nothing about the world outside of the Rocky Mountains and had a habit of saying that everything was ,'"Awesome!"
  "Bro. Jones your tie is so awesome!"
  "Sis. Brown your lesson today was awesome!" ad nauseaum
  
  Well some (fun)'loving' youth decided to point out, just before he got up to give a public talk, that in the UK we didn't use the word 'awesome' , we use the word 'cr*p' to mean something really good and worthy of recognition. Bizarrely he accepted that without question. The end of his talk went somewhat like this..
  
  "I just have to say this church is just cr*p, you people are cr*p, I love the Gospel, its so cr*p and I know that our prophet is cr*p - I'm so thankful to be in such a cr*p country..'
  
  The back row of church disintegrated while the older front half sat in slack jawed shock. Priceless.
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  RichieRich

  i was on microphone duty once, and we had these stupid booms holding the mics so we could just place it in front of the persons mouth while they commented. well, i must have been lacking something one night because my arm jerked while this sister was giving her comment, and i hit her right in the teeth with the mic. she didn't finish, after the feedback stopped and whatnot.

  We used to have those. I've hit people in the boobs with them. THen we got normal mics, one time i passed it to someone and clipped their kid in the head with it...
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  Englishman

  Portsmouth Circuit Assembly, 1969.

  "..and then, Brothers, Jehovah made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights and he drowned the bloody lot of 'em!"

  Englishman.