What was your breaking point?

by soundbox_guy 46 Replies latest jw friends

rebel8

There were so many things leading me to leave. If you took one off the list, surely the remaining issues would have made me leave anyway. However, there were 2 breaking points for me, 2 things that made me decide right then and there to plan my escape.
1 was studying the red Revelation book and how totally bizarre it is. They were so happy the birds would be eating people's eyeballs and guts. They were particularly interested in preparing themselves to dig graves. I thought everyone had lost their minds.
2 was sitting at a wedding reception for a 18-yr-old friend of mine (with the maturity level of a 15-yr-old) who was marrying a 40-something man who had been flirting with both of us since we were about 11 years old. He used to give me flowers at the meetings when I was a young teenager! I begged him to stop many times. He had been counseled by the same friend's elder father to knock it off, which he did only slightly. The same elder married them after they dated for a few months. The same people who looked down on him flirting only a few months ago suddenly supported the new "couple". My friend told me point blank she wanted someone to tell her what to do, so that's why she was marrying him. Couldn't talk her out of it.
Anyway, I was sitting at the reception quiet and totally disgusted/depressed for this atrocity. My friend next to me was thinking the same thing. We were at a table with older dubs widows. They started telling us not to be sad because it would happen to us soon. We both said "I hope not, I don't want to marry someone like him," but they didn't get it. They said I shouldn't be jealous he chose her instead of me!!! After seeing the flip-flop in attitudes among the dubs, I knew they were nuts.
soundbox_guy

I understand exactly what you mean rebel8, I get freaked out too when they act like it's such a good thing that the birds will be eating up dead people's eye balls and how people's eyes are supposed to rot from their sockets. I'm like, "These are people we're talking about, why are you so enthusiastic about your own kind being done away with like that?" I wouldn't wish that on someone just because they didn't want to listen to what I had to say. As regards the Dub husband...I like using the term "Dub" makes me sound cool, but anyway, I can relate to that too. I think everyone probably knew a weird brother at their hall that sort of freaked them out.
LongHairGal

Oh, there were so many things. And it happened gradually.

First rude awakening: being counseled about having a slit in my skirt. I then realized they were hung up on women's modesty and appearance.

Second rude awakening: realising that there was a feeling that I "owed somebody something" because I had a job. They used to parrot the stupid phrase about "supporting the pioneers" wtf?? Yeah, get the hell off the pioneer list and get a J-O-B. I don't owe ya nothin'!

Third rude awakening: realising that you couldn't ask questions and if you persisted you were viewed in a bad light.

Fourth rude awakening: realizing that certain people begrudged me my self-respect as an intelligent human being. They don't like you to feel good about yourself.

Fifth rude awakening: hearing stupid things from the platform and reading stupid and shocking things (the change in the generation teaching).

Sixth rude awakening: having so-called dub friends betray or turn their back. That was the second to last straw, realizing the friends were conditional.
tetrapod.sapien

it's amazing how fast the faith i had spent "building up" for years, came crashing down around me.
the clincher for me was actually the first thing i looked into: the theory of evolution. according to JW belief, if evolution is an actual scientific fact, then their whole doctrine of imperfection and ransom fall apart. if genesis is scientifically dishonest, then what about the foundations of our faith found therein? if the WTS is intellectually dishonest, then what about morally? this was almost the start an the end for me, although many other small things added up. not only JW doctrine, but christian doctrine in general, followed by supernatural belief in general. so it was a lot of things, and it doesn't work like that for many. but i say with pride that it was science that destroyed my faith.
one of the first things i did was start growing a beard, which i always wanted to do. i hope to look like Aubrey de Grey one day :
tnangel!!
Jourles
Generation change initially gave me a small wake-up call.

Blood doctrine. More important to me, was my lack of ability to defend it.

Reading CoC. Affirmed several issues that I always wondered about. The "cartilla" finally made sense to me after knowing a couple of Mexican JW's who lived/worked for a very wealthy family in Alpine, CA(Palo Verde). One of them told me that this was a major reason for him leaving Mexico. I didn't understand the "cartilla" issue at the time. It was almost 15 years later that it hit me like a ton of bricks. I forget the brother's real name, but everyone in the hall called him "Nacho."

Trying to defend JW doctrine on H20. I was outclassed and outgunned. I found out the hard way that it was practically impossible to defend the JW theological structure.
Once all of those realities added up, it was extremely hard to maintain my beliefs anymore. Public talks were the first to go. Then field service. Book study was next followed by the TMS and WT study. Then nothing.
GetBusyLiving

I guess I've just always been an apostate.
My mom told me recently that when I was 10 years old I was always asking her questions about concepts in the Watchtower studies that she couldn't give a good answer to. It actually got her doubting things so she told me never to question the society. I found a typo in a Kingdom Ministry and after pointing it out to my older brother I got the same lecture. "Be very careful, that's what APOSTATES do!" It scared the shit out of me at the time.

Then there was the Revelation book. What a pile of cultish bullshit that was. I would comment at the bookstudies and exagerate points that were so obviously bullshit, and nobody was the wiser. That book made me laugh out loud so many times. It was better than watching the Simpsons. After a while even I lost enjoyment of listening to the bullshit in morbid facination and faded. But I always tried to make it all fit together for my friends and family, so I came back and the cycle continued like that for over ten years.
The very last straw for me was thinking long and hard about the societies permission of certain blood fractions. I just knew its policy was totally f*cked and I COULD NOT be a part of it anymore. My friends were starting to freak me out too, the insanity of their bouts of spirtual self righteousness then crashes of drunkeness and self-loathing were too much.. it was scary. I took the plunge into educating myself and I've never been happier. I'm open to learn about the world, to be critical and make sure that what I believe is, in fact, what I believe.
GBL
xjwms

EvilForce: WOW, ... I can relate to: ... "the thousand paper cuts"
Man I have never ever in my life had to stamp out small fires, and gossip things these people like to do.
One of many things that got to me, ... was the last time I went to the hall for the, .. C O, ... visit, about four years ago.
He said: ... "Its easy to serve Jehovah. All you have to do is go to all the meetings, and listen to the governing body. And, if you do this until the end of this system, You will live forever."
So, on the way home, I through a fit with my wife, and asked, Do you believe that? Do you really believe, what he said is right?
And as usual, I got the silent treatment, and no answer.
Oh ya, ... a thousand paper cuts? I can relate. Thanks for the visual.
jeanniebeanz

I had doubts that would nag me from time to time. The first one was the nature and purpose of 'Angels' when I was just a kid. Most of those things just passed though and I went on with my JW life.
My eyes were opened by more a series of events than any specific 'A ha' moment. Some things that contributed to my realization that the org was a myth follows:
That my ex-husband could remain a JW in good standing for 15 years while the elders of the Willits congregation knew full well that he was harming me and drinking himself into a pine box. (he's not there yet, damn it!)
That no matter what I did it was never enough. They continued to move the goal posts on me. It did not feel just.
That they would refuse to allow my daughter to be baptized because I had been ill and unable to get her to the meetings for a few weeks prior to the assembly. Duh! We lived 20 minutes out a winding mountain road, and there were no other 'witnesses' who would come pick her up...she was 12...
That they did not care enough for the wellbeing of my children that they would warn me that I was sending them to play at a convicted child molesters house with his kids.
That they treated me like a possible criminal when I told them that I wanted to turn my husband in for abusing me and threatened me with action should I do so.
Upon filing for divorce that they would tell me that if my ex committed adultery because of my leaving him that it would be my fault in God’s eyes. <gag> <puke>
That when after asking them for help for so many years and having them remain silent, and after divorcing my husband and developing a relationship with another man that they would shun me and take my family with them.
These experiences opened the way for me to view them as fallible and I wondered what else they were "off in the head" about. About that time, I got the Internet (Thank you, Al Gore) and happened upon a site called Women Awake. Some of the posts left me crying my eyes out and really mourning for a lot of things; My lost childhood and lost family, my lost view of the world, my lost certainty in the future.
Everything seemed so black; if *everything* that I believed was wrong; Who was I? What was it all about? I dug deeper and deeper but was using the Bible and a faith in God as my basis of research. The nail in the coffin of my faith in the witnesses was really understanding the meaning of John 14:6 as talking about Christ being a direct mediator to man with no mediator in between man and Christ. The Society had presumptuously inserted another position in the divine org chart that did not have any scriptural support.
They had not taken Christ’s place but had created an entirely new position! Can you imagine going into a company and simply stating that you are now taking the position of "Liaison To Personnel" and that all communication between the Vice President and the employees must now flow through you? You’d be hauled out of there by the men in little white coats, but with the witnesses you’ve got six million people saying; "Baaaaaahhhh….Okay….." Ludicrous!! Absurd!!! And True!!!
I owe this lightening bolt to a movie called; "Jehovah’s Witnesses; A Non-Prophet Organization" It leapt out at me and smacked me like a ton of bricks. I was free…
Now, I struggle to isolate exactly what it is that I believe, but the views that I am coming to are backed up by facts. I may not look forward to a fantasy ‘paradise’ anymore, but I’m not wasting the certainty of the life I know exists following a lie either.
It is well worth losing the false hope to be free and able to live my life to the fullest extent with true friends, loving family and the knowledge that my life is what I make it. I’ve made it into a wonderful life…
J
misspeaches

I knew it wasn't right when I began sinking into a depressed state because of the emotional toil the organisation was having upon me. Trying to live up to their standards and always do the right thing and constantly recieving criticism that we weren't doing enough wore me down. I'm not a depressive person by nature.
My best friend told me he was gay. He told me how bad he felt for being that way and how he has tried to deny it all his life. He still has not revealed who he really is to his family because of fear of them shunning him. I see the pain as he struggles with the heartache of his JW upbringing and how conflicting it is with the person he is. No God would put a person through that anguish. My best friend taught me tolerance. Something the JW organisation failed to do.
I wasn't the perfect JW girl. I liked to dress the way that suited me which might not necessarily be the dolly bird fashion at the time. I guess you could say despite being brought up in that environment i was fortunate enough to develop an individuality. Which consituted me an unsuitable marriage mate. I got sick of being pitied by 17 year old babies getting engaged because I happened to be single.
soundbox_guy

I know what you mean, misspeaches. I think about the movie "The Incredibles" a lot when I think about my situation in the organization. I have talent that could be used to do great things, but I used to feel like I had to hide those talents because of them teaching people that you're not supposed to be successful at anything outside of the organization. If someone asks what goals you have for the future, you're supposed to say "I want to be a ministerial servant and then an elder" or, "I want to go to Bethel." If you say "I want to have my own production company one day and create movies that make people laugh or that touch people in some sort of way.", they think you're being selfish and self-centered. Doing this to people makes them conform to the point where they lose their own individuality and they become like the Borg, like someone stated earlier.

What was your breaking point?

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