Honesty/Vs/tolerance--X-JW dilemna

by cyber-sista 7 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  cyber-sista

  This has been a struggle I have had since leaving the WT some 2 years ago. I have been pretty low key thus far about the reasons I have left and haven't really gone out of my way to speak to any JWs about it. I have a nephew that is DFd and my daughter has a friend who is DFd and I have had a few brief discussions with them about the subject of my leaving. I am fairly soft spoken and try not to say anything too outlandish to them, but it comes back through my daughter that they both think I am over the top against the WT. Again, I have been very honest and just told them my experiences with the WT have not been good and pretty much left it at that. Neither of these people are living WT moral lives since leaving the Org, but yet they are still defending the WT. They have both stated they still believe that everyone should be tolerant and respectful of the JW beliefs.

  But for many reasons I am not repectful of the WT or the beliefs. I don't go out of my way to bash the people in it, but I also feel the need to be honest. What is the balance here? No, I don't want to put up with their crap anymore, but how do you do that honestly without bashing them? Being honest is bashing them the way they view it.

  any thoughts out there? They don't seem to have any problems bashing me and being disrespectful of me and my family, but of course the WT gives them the right to do that.

  cybs
• 

  skyman

  If you find the answer please contact me and let me know. My wife and I were at a life long friends house that lives in the big city and while we were there they asked us if we would be willing to swing I mean husband and wife swap. They told us that several prominate Elders do that all the time in the area and we would enjoy it. To make a long story short about a year later we where told through the grapevine that we where nolonger welcome at their house. My wife called we were told even though they were not living a life as they should being in Borg they felt that we had crossed the line and so were nolonger welcome there. We have done nothing wrong scriptually and we have crossed the line? It has hurt my wife to no end the fornicators that do it with the local city Elders but we have crossed the line?
• 

  OldSoul

  Cyber-sista: Maybe you can draw some encouragement and tips from examining how careful Jesus was in Matthew 23 and how tender Paul was in Galatians. When they were pointing out doctrinal error, hypocrisy, and abuse of authority they were not the same as they were toward those who were abused by those who set themselves in authority.

  For what it's worth. It isn't up to them to determine what constitutes beating the slave, although that is always where they leap to first. In that account, who judged what constituted beating? The slaves? Or the Master?

  Respectfully,
  OldSoul
• 

  luna2

  That's disgusting, skyman. I guess Jehovah will forgive them their fornicating ways as long as they shun people properly. Frankly, I wouldn't want to keep the friendship of people who were so morally bankrupt.

  cyber-sis, it's a balancing act for sure. It's very hard to reason with unreasonable people. I've been thinking about this too, about how I will talk to those I run into...if they are still talking to me. I've decided that I have a right to my opinion, and I will try hard to present that opinion based on facts and not emotionalism. I will try to be friendly and polite to those JW's I speak to, but I'll be damned if I'm going to sugar coat what I now know to be true. They have my pity because they are the ones still living a lie, enslaved to an organization who's "fruits" have proved to be rotten and deformed. If they want to think that's "over the top"...so be it.
• 

  Netty

  cyber sis- I wish I could tell you there was a way to balance this, or work around it. But I seem to have run into exactly the same thing. I have very legitimate beefs about the org, and I express myself about it in a way where I am not yelling and screaming. I'm being logical, expressing the effects being raised in the borg has had on me. But, no matter what I say, or how I say it, I am an evil apostate I guess. I also have a brother who was df'd twice, is not df'd now, but not practicing the religion, but yet still so under the mind control. He is actually the one who spreads the idea in my family that I am an apostate, because I have tried to open his eyes to stuff. Makes no sense, he knows the religion is bull$#!T, wont have anything to do with it, but still believes all the bs.

  The hard part about all this is the feeling that you are all alone. You want someone in your family, at least one person who understands what you have gone through, and knows the truth about the truth, as you have discovered. I am sorry you are unable to find this, I know its hurts. If it helps, we are here for you, we know, we understand.
• 

  PaulJ

  I have decided recently not to talk to people about it, unless i am asked. While i have much less respect now for the WT, ultimately its a choice thing, and i CAN respect choices people make, even if I feel they are wrong.
• 

  cyber-sista

  Thanks for the comments everyone. One hard part is when those still living in JW land try to drag me back into it. The other difficult thing (and insanely twisted thing) is when those who are still in JW land and are being treated poorly by the Org complain to me about their treatment in there. I have tried to comfort a few of these, but it has turned on me and then I am accused of being intolerant of their beloved but cruel organization.

  It blows me away how those who have experienced such cruelty can still be defending it as something good--very twisted.

  It is hard for me to be tolerant in the sense that any contact with people who are still in the JW mode makes me feel rather unwell and upset. sometimes I just want to make the annoucement to them all that "I can't stand this anymore!"

  cybs
• 

  Sunspot

  I don't want to put up with their crap anymore, but how do you do that honestly without bashing them? Being honest is bashing them the way they view it.

  Dear Cybs,

  It's a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't. I went through this too when I first left. People have always known me to be honest (that doesn't mean brutal or nasty) and always have told things as I see them. The few I emailed when I knew I was about to be announced were as cold and unfeeling as can be.

  I was told much later through the grapevine, that I had become an apostate and was not to be spoken to. Moi? Apostate? How dare they? I had only told some JWs that I knew very well, what I had found out about the WTS!

  No matter what "they" may do, YOU are seen as the "rotten fruit" that they are to keep free of. These cases of deliberate "misconduct" that is acceptable flies in the face of all that WE had held to---yet we are the ones to be labelled and shunned. Go figure.

  One cannot reason with the JW mind. I've stopped trying, except for on this board. The ironic part about all this, is that the honest, open and genuine people are like those of us who have left the WTS. The liars, hiders and those who cover things up----are still JWs, living their double lives!

  hugs,

  Annie