I'm telling lies from the stage

by DannyBloem 54 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Honesty
    Honesty
    I still think it is the best religious organisation and that there is no better religion.

    As you research the WTBTS history; compare 'Old Light' with 'New Light'; thoroughly research the Kingdom Interlinear and compare the Greek with the NWT; discover that in Bulgaria you can take blood and have legal grounds, condoned by the ECHR and Bulgarian Government, against the WTBTS if they enforce any sanctions, including any public annoucement that you are no longer a JW; discover that M. Henschel or Don Adams personally signed off on a yearly recertification with the U.N. extending NGO (the only way a religion can join the U.N. is as an NGO) status for the WTBTS for almost 10 years and most JW's still don't know about it; realise that by refusing the emblems at the memorial you are denying Christ and giving Him the ultimate slap in the face, then decide for yourself if it is anything more than a demonised cult masquerading as the only source for mankind's salvation.

    I am praying that Little Toe can help you lead a lot of JW's to Christ if you decide to quit lying to your heart. Although that probably sounded harsh, I was guilty of lying to my heart for almost 3 years before I couldn't stand the inner decay and putrid smell of my soul rotting away.

    I wish you the best on your journey and pray that you suffer as little pain as possible.

  • imfreeimfree
    imfreeimfree

    Danny, my heart goes out to you. I was a captive of that religious system for nearly 60 years. Unfortunately, that was not my first experience with totalitarian systems. I successfully escaped from several tyrannous governments, including the communists. We managed to free ourselves from these regimes and keep our family together. Actually it brought the family closer. We were working together for our shared survival. However, escaping from the WBTS has been harder, because again I want to keep our family together, but this time I don't have my family's support, in fact I could eventually lose them because of it. Keep in mind, if you are DF or DA yourself, you will be shunned, and then unable to support those who are close to you.

    Unfortunately Danny, there is no easy way to exit this organization without some pain, particularly if you wish to not disrupt the family circle. Some posters gave good advice. Do not act in haste!!! Take your time. Pray for God’s guidance. Take one step at the time. You may wish to read Ray Franz’s books: Crisis of Conscience and In Search of Christian Freedom. These two books helped my wife and me free ourselves of this convoluted system. Here is his address: http://www.commentarypress.com/

    Though I held responsible positions in the organization, my wife and I proceeded with a slow fade; using health issues as the basis for our slow disappearance. Exit on YOUR terms, not theirs. IMHO little is accomplished in making a hero of yourself, for in doing so you disrupt your family’s peace. It also gives the deceived individuals in the congregation an opportunity to shun you, an embarrassment for you and them.

    Both, the love of my life, and I exited the WBTS system simultaneously. For that I am very grateful. I would make every effort to be extra loving and understanding with your wife. It will be a terrible shock for her. She will need extra emotional support from you. If you think it is hard for you, it will be a lot harder for her.

    It is a difficult road ahead. You will have to make monumental adjustments, like the majority of us who came to realize that we had been deceived, yes betrayed. It can be hard to keep our faith in our God and our Lord Jesus. The pain, the test, the angst you are facing now, are worth the rewards you will enjoy in the future.

    We wish you all the best on your journey. Feel free to contact us. We are here to support you.

    David

  • Satanus
    Satanus

    As far as the pain you may be causing to your loved ones, it is similar to the pain you caused your mother when you were born. Actually, your awakening to wt lies can be compared to being born. You are slowly coming to life once again. It is practically unavoidable that those who would block that new life will be hurt. That seems to be the price for it, though. It;s not you fault, at any rate, if you find truth which others would rather not see. Just take your time about this whole thing.

    S

  • seattleniceguy
    seattleniceguy

    Danny,

    Forgive me for only reading the first few posts on this thread before replying. You sound like a conscientious person caught in a tough place. All I can say is, get yourself free. Bide your time and come up with the right plan for you, but stick around here, educate yourself, and get yourself free. Get yourself out of there for your own health and well-being. Life is so incredibly much better on the outside.

    Good luck, and best wishes. Hope to see you around.

    SNG

  • Euphemism
    Euphemism

    Danny... I have a lot of sympathy for where you're at. The time that I spent inside the WTS, trying to pretend that I believed, just for the sake of family, was the absolute worst time of my life. When I finally left, despite all the pain of lost family and friendships, it was a major relief.

    I'm not saying you need to leave if that's not what you want to do, of course. But in my experience, 'faking it' just doesn't work well in the long run.

    Either way, staying or going, there's going to be pain. Please be assured that you have many sympathetic listening ears on this site, who've been exactly where you are.

  • IP_SEC
    IP_SEC

    What Euph said.

  • DannyBloem
    DannyBloem

    Hi, there where a lot of reactions to my post, and some very useful. By the way I guess on this board there are not many witnesses around (mostly ex-) I guess. I would like to hear from those inside too, but ….
    I want to give some more details and replies to some of the reaction and suggestions.
    It is good to here that I am not alone in this situation, and appreciate that you shared your personal experiences with me.

    First of all, there are no kids involved in this situation. That makes things a bit easier, because lying to my own kids and influencing them in this way would be something unforgivable for me. Then the decision would be made much earlier I guess, and more suddenly.

    Second, my current congregation is quite liberal and I manage to start and encourage some ways of freethinking in my talks and comments by asking provocative questions etc. Even if most are within the designed framework, as you understand what I mean. It is actually quite surprising how far you can go without people or other elders saying something.

    Then third some people suggested that I do not have a life within the organization. I do not agree with this that much. I had a good education even growing up in the ‘truth’ (excuse me for still using the JW vocabulary). I studied at a university and have a degree in some sciences. Second, I have a job that pays very well and gives me satisfaction too. (I never told them on my work I am a JW). I do the sports what I like (I even play in some competitions, which should not be okay, but other elders are okay with it). For other things you can get away with a lot of things if you just don’t tell it to the wrong people. Be selective. And yes just showing up and doing something else for the field service is also easy. (Nice suggestion Blondie, I already practiced this a lot).
    So when people say, get out and get a life, there is not much that I would like to change actually.

    Anyway, when I say that I still think that the JW”s are one of the best religions, I do not mean that I think anything they say or teach is true. The opposite actually. I do not think that they are very harmful. In the time I did see people change for the better. The most things that they teach are actually good. (Respect, peace, love you neighbors etc). The only thing is, I am quite sure there is no God. (The discussion to this is off topic now I think).
    I still think that the organization is not a bad organization. I do not mean that I agree or believe anything they say. The thing about blood is a bit questionable at least, but most religions have some things like that and mostly worse. It did maybe cost some lives but that is their explanation and everybody making its own decision finally. Anyway a lot of lives are saved on the other hand in the no smoking policy.
    The society tries to keep things together on the only way that is possible, by limiting own thoughts. I would not work any other way I guess, if you want unity. I think that most in the society (the top) are sincere and that they are thinking they do the right things. They probably know they are not honest in everything for that, but there are biblical examples enough for this. They probably themselves thing that they are used by God. There is not a big financial scandal as far as I can see either.
    The thing with the U.N. is something small for me, and something I actually do not understand so much. Why did they do it in the first place, what they wanted to gain? It was a bit stupid that is all I guess. Nothing criminal or so.
    Then of course there is some (not extreme) indoctrination and brain washing. But that is done everywhere. Look for example at the American government. The ‘we are Americans, and we are good’ doctrine is washing in all American brains every day. Everyone and everything is influencing you or trying to influence you. So yes of course the society is doing the same.
    So the only thing is, and that is for almost all religion, that they slow down the progress of the human race, limit the freedom of thoughts etc. But most people seem to need somebody to think for them. If it isn’t the society it is somebody else. People seem to need religion and fairy-tales. Without them most can’t be happy. So what is better get that from them?

    So then what am I complaining? Just that it would be so nice to speak the truth for once to my friends and family.
    Would you get disfellowshipped for telling that you think that there is no God at all? Even after you have faded out already?

    Anyway, sorry for all this text, but I more or less made my mind up already before, and most suggestions seem to conform this. Just fade out. Take it easier, quit things one by one. I already busy for some time with this.
    It would be nice to go out with a blast, but I know nobody will have profit from it. And I do not know how fair it would be even if I were able to undermine their faith in God. Would it make them happier? Probably not.

    Thanks again, I’ll keep posting

  • Narkissos
    Narkissos
    The most things that they teach are actually good. (Respect, peace, love you neighbors etc). The only thing is, I am quite sure there is no God.

    LOL.

    Seriously, I understand.

    I wish you a smooth fade, some understanding from your wife and best friends (who knows?), and enjoying your last few weeks/months as a nominal JW with a somewhat surrealistic eye.

  • DaCheech
    DaCheech

    I've refused eldership 2 times, and one day feel like letting go my MS title.

    Anyway, it was easy telling them I was not going to do public talks anymore. Life is easier when I

    don;t have to prepare for 50 hours to do a 45 min talk!

  • scotsman
    scotsman

    DB

    Like you I cruised along without a belief in god, thinking I was helping people with a hope even if it was an illusion. But eventually the hypocrisy became too much and I realized that there were more helpful things than shepherding, conducting the watchtower study or the ministry school. Slow fade or sharp stop, you'll lose friends and family either way but you'll most likely be a lot more content. Good luck.

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