Dubs abusing people

gringojj

I am so pissed right now. I will try and make this as easy to understand as possible. My wife has 2 kids that are not biologically mine that her mother has taken custody of until we are ready to take them back. She is wonderful for doing this for us otherwise they would be in a foster home so we are very lucky to have her. Now she is a faithful dub of 30 years and honestly these people use her as a doormat. Its just disgusting. She is a 50ish single woman who works sometimes as a home health aid. She has a small 1 bedroom apt that we made into a really small 2 bedroom so that she could have the kids there. We all barely get by moneywise. She works a couple days a week and my wife and I help out to pay all the bills for us and them. Its a situation that isnt perfect but its temporary and serves the purpose well. Anyways she pretty much does whatever the WTS says and lives her life strictly to thier teachings. Seems like shes always off doing something for cong members giving rides etc.(i even think she gives money sometimes which disgusts me because we dont have much and really need every penny). So we have the kids for a couple days and my wife was going to bring them back tommorow. Her mother tells her tonight that she has agreed to take an elderly cong woman into the apt for a little while so she can get rehabilitated. WHAT! I couldnt believe it. Apparantly she had the elders over and they all talked about it and felt it was a good idea! They are pawning this elderly lady off on her and she is so faithful that just because they said it was a good idea she is going along with it. Anyone who saw her place would know in 2 seconds its not big enough for 2 adults and 2 children. Its obvious that nobody else wants the responsibility of this woman so they make her do it because they know she wont say no. Never mind the fact that she will now have an elderly woman to care for in addition to the 2 kids. She lives out in the boonies and im sure there are plenty of dubs in better positions to take this on but they dont want to. Its just disgusting. I am so mad.

under74

Ya, they always overstep their boundries and take advantage of people when they can....it's a matter of them not wanting to be burdened.

You know when I was a kid my mom had to go on welfare to support us. After that every single mom that was either homeless or in need some kind of help was told to talk to my mom...either about staying with us (I'm one of 5 kids!!) or getting them help....like my mom had enough time for that.

I feel you gringo. Sorry you're going through troubles.

purplesofa

Wow, I am really sorry you are dealing with this.

I feel certain they are making her feel like it is such a priveledge to take this elderly person in.

I started taking an elderly sister to the hall. She started wanting to stop at the store after the meetings, one time taking about 30 mins while I waited in the car.............I would tell her my son was visiting at home and needed to get home as soon as possible. I had to get up early in the am for work and all I want to do after meeting is get home ASAP and get to bed.

All sorts of different things happened......soon I was taking her and another sister.

It was too much for me...I was doing good to care for my own responsibilities, let alone anyone else's. I did not want to complain as it sounded so ungrateful and unchristian. I really just did not care anymore. I could never do enough.

Anyway, it was the icing on the cake that made me just not go to the meetings anymore. Took care of the problem of feeling abused and used.

So, I know what you are going through. It is not a good situation.

I hope you can get it worked out, I am sure you will get some good advice on how to handle it.

purps

Satanus

Yes, your motherinlaw is being taken advantage of. But,,,, are you going to let your motherinlaw take advantage of you and your wife???

S

Eyebrow2

when I was a kid we had to rely on others to bring us to the hall because my mom didn't have a car most of the time and my dad wasn't home in time for her to use his truck. I still have a soft spot in my heart for the ones that did this for us. My mom would give them gas money when she could, but most of the time they would just give it back to her.

That being said..I too noticed that the elders would often let those that really weren't in the position to do a lot take care of the most difficult cases in the hall. My poor mom is a crazy person magnet. All the nut job women that study end up relying on her for help. There is this one case, where a lady at her hall has the IQ of a 13 year old kid. She lived with her mom until she was in her 50s. Now, her mother set up a fund before she died so that there would always being money for the brothers to make sure that her daughter got to the hall and to all the assemblies. However, the daughter quickly deteroiated after she died. My mom would try to talk to the elders for this poor lady, but they were stubborn and felt that she must not really want to come to the hall or the assemblies because she wasn't doing much to convey it to them herself. This poor woman. My mom happens to live less than a mile down the street, and I think she really is the only person in the world that this poor lady can call a friend. She is a bit nuts, and sometimes my mom even has to tell her to calm down.

There have been other people at my mom's hall too that are basically snubbed by the elders because they are not the ideal person to deal with. It bothers me a lot.If this lady had been involved in another church, they would probably make sure she had home health visits, and that the state was involved in making sure she stayed safe.

LongHairGal

Please forgive me for saying this but what a stupid woman she is!!!

Under 74 is right when he says they will overstep their boundaries whenever they can. I learned early on they do not respect boundaries, especially with a woman. So, you had to be snotty and short with them!

When they see a stupid woman like this they will exploit her to the nth degree. Sadly, when and if the time comes and she is no longer able to do favors for these blood-sucking ingrates they will forget her like yesterday's garbage!!

LongHairGal

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so harsh, I just hate everybody being taken advantage of by them.

I'll be more gentle.

Country Girl

You asked for an opinion: and I am going to give it to you.

YOU have no right to expect anything from your Mother-InLaw. She is a grown woman, that has raised her children, and you married one of them. When you got to be an adult, and felt it was okay to have sex with a woman, and raise children, then you should have expected that you would be required to be an adult and raise your children with your wife.

When you married your wife, you KNEW that her two kids were not biologically yours. However, when you married her, you took SHE and HER CHILDREN on as your responsibility. It's no fair that you complain about it a year later.

Your MIL owes you NOTHING. NADA. It's up to YOU and YOUR WIFE to raise the children you brought into this world, and not to blame your MIL for whatever shortcomings YOU have as parents. It is IRRELEVANT what your MIL does. She is DONE raising children, and her life is her own. She owes you and your wife NOTHING. It's up to YOU to take care of your own children.

Does that answer your qyestion?

CG

Little Red Hen

Gringojj, please don't let Country Girl's harsh words discorage you. I know what it is like to have someone give you their word, and then back out.

Country Girl, There are circumstances that we don't know about that have made Gringojj and his wife place their children with the MIL. Maybe one or both were badly injured in a car accident. Maybe one of them contracted an illness such as Guillian Barre. Maybe one of them is recovering from life threatening toxic shock. The point is, we don't know, and it is not our place to judge. What does seem to be a fact is MIL committed herself to the care of the children. Yeah, she has raised her brood, but if she said yes, to caring for the children, that is a committment. We are not party to the circumstances, and it is really not our place to judge.

gringojj

Since we are being judged so harshly I will tell you that dss took away the kids over a year ago because my wife was still with the real father and he was beating my wife and they were almost homeless. So they went to a foster home. They were there for a couple of months until the grandma agreed to take them. She took them because at that time my wife was trying to get her life together and she and i were dating and we were headed in the right direction but we didnt have a place yet and we werent ready to take the kids back yet. So now we are married and have a nice apartment and income and things are good and in a very short time we will be getting the kids back again right now we only have them 3 or 4 days of the week. So thats why we are in this situation. The grandmother offered to take the kids from the foster home and she is paid monthly to care for them so it works out for everyone we are so very grateful she took them she is a kind person but my point was she listens to whatever the elders say. My wife told her it was a stupid idea today and she said "so you are saying Jehovah had a stupid idea?" The elders gave her the idea.

Dubs abusing people

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