I am brand new to this forum. I have been reading posts for quite a while, but decided to post after reading this topic. I have a step daughter who is 13. Her mother's side of the family is JW and hardcore! My daughter lived with us until the 6th grade when her mother put TREMENDOUS pressure on her to move in with her and her JW husband. During that last year and a half, my husband and I watched the slow decline in her. She became withdrawn, depressed. She has always said that she is a JW, but when she is with us, she celebrated Christmas, went to birthday parties, went to our church (and loves it by the way!).
Well, about six weeks ago, we moved her back in with us. She was getting in trouble at school, depressed, fighting constantly with her mother,etc. The rules in their JW house were opressive. Since moving back with us, she is back in Cheerleading classes, music lessons, gymnastics. She is even excited about getting her braces on next week. (Her JW mother said that she couldn't have braces because it was too much money to spend on one member of the family, that large purchases should benefit everyone in the family, not just her. Funny coming from a woman who has had liposuction twice!!)
What my husband and I figured out a long time ago about dealing with an ex-wife who is a JW when it comes to our daughter is that you really don't need to talk bad about them. Just giving your daughter the opportunity to see the "other side" of life, ie normal life, is enough to make her dislike and distrust what the JWs teach. Our daughter came back to live with us of her own free will and after living there for almost two years.
She has had to deal with some very heavy issues since moving back home with us. Her mother has told her that she is selfish and desserted them in order to live with us. She says that we have no standards in our house and that our daughter only wants to live with us because she couldn't live up to Jehovah's high standards. She HEAPS guilt on her every time she speaks to her daughter.
Our daughter is still caught in the beliefs of the JWs. She has not abandoned them, as she feels she must still read her Watchtower, etc. Every time her mother calls, she asks her if she has been doing her reading and her book study. We have decided not to interfere with that as I am sure her mother would use that against us. I know that my daughter is reading the watchtower on ocassion, but hopefully in time, that will stop as well. She will see her mother only once every 6 weeks or so and for a couple of weeks in the summer. We are just thrilled that she is out of the daily grind of the JW lifestyle.
We are playing it one day at a time. We take her to our church weekly. We have decided to counter the JW lies with our daily example to her of unconditionally loving her and giving her a place of safety and comfort where she can make her own choices in life. If we were to talk bad about her mother or her JW family, I think it would backfire on us. As she gets older, we will talk to her more about JWs, but for now, we are just loving her where she is.
The best advice I ever got about this was to just love her unconditionally and show her that a better way exists. She will have the benefit that most JW children never have and that is to know that there is a different way to live. And that she has the choice to live that way.
Sorry to be so long winded, but thought I could share our experience with this same situation. Hang in there and just keep loving her out of the JW's world.