A very lonely life.

by Harpy 31 Replies latest social relationships

  • rebel8

    The comments about sex are very interesting. Who other than ex-JWs have such problems? I mean, the ideal is supposed to be that you save yourself for someone special and wait until you're in your teens or early 20s. Yet the JW lifestyle and warped teachings talk about the evils of sex--even desiring it is wrong--and force people to wait until they're married....For some people, this turns something beautiful into something harmful that needs to be "gotten rid of". How sad (but true)....another consequence of being a dub.

    Why would she need to pay an "escort" though? Just go down to your local bar and there's plenty willing to do it for free (joking).

    PS-Prostitution is not legal in the entire state of Nevada either, only rural areas (according to the Discovery Channel). Just an FYI.

  • Markfromcali

    Well I'm 32 and things are just starting to open up for me relationship wise. Looking back at my experience I would have to say fall in love with life first, and the relationship department will follow. Now by that I don't mean some idealistic image of running through a field of flowers, frolicking about like some fairy tale. I mean just your life. But even if you look at it socially some relationship professionals point out you want to look at your social context and get into things and groups that fits you. So I am just basically getting at the same thing in terms of the broader context of life. I understand this doesn't give you any specific things to do or try, but put it this way: Anyone you want to end up being with has to be part of your life right? So it would have to be within that sphere, whatever that may be. You may want to do new things you've never tried before, it's up to you. I mean in a sense it's all relationships isn't it, whether it's personal or otherwise.

  • by grace
    by grace
    Another thing I find rewarding is helping others. It makes you and them feel good: I don't think JWs are encouraged to do much charity work they are too busy preaching to be bothered with making the world we live in (not Paradise on Earth) a better place that they miss the bus to being happy here on earth.

    Marcos, I agree with your comment. After all, Jesus did say there is more happiness in giving then receiving.

    Harpy, you're getting a lot of great advice, some crazy/funny advice too, but surely there are some things mentioned here that you know you can do that will help you.

    Lots of love, by grace

  • G Money
    G Money

    Well... my opinion is:

    Join a gym, look at how you look to others. How is your style? Are you appealing to the oposite sex? Why not try to look the best you can. It won't happen overnight but why not strive to be the hottest thing out there? Educate yourself as well.

    Men go for looks, any guy that says no has low self esteem or is fibbing (90% of the time) or isn't able to pull hot girls.

    Do you dress like a 50 year old? You also don't want to dress like a teen but stylish and well enough to give off a positive message to the kind of man you'd like to date. Maybe buy some clothes at Abercrombie instead of Sears... get out in the sun, exercise. A little colour and fitness and new wardrobe might be the kick in the pants you need.

    I was a geek in the truth, well for me at least (its all relative), I was probably cooler than many but compared to what I was before the truth, it was pretty sad.

    When I started fading away, I started working out, dressing different and having fun in life. I went from having a few dates to having too many.

  • Thegoodgirl


    The number one thing I wanted to do when i got out was to get a date and to get rid of my virginity. (So that I could "say" that it's not my "first" date when someone good asks me.) And that's exactly what I did. I went to a club with friends, three guys gave me their phone number, I went on a date with one, and lost my virginity to him after a month. Stupid. I got stuck dating the guy for a YEAR. He was so not what I was looking for (a jerk who was full of himself), and got me off to a bad start dating wise. So don't be too cautious, since you say that's sort of what you are currently doing, but don't think you need to marry the first guy either. Date, but not long term if it's not what you're looking for, and not too seriously. Now, this is an exciting time for you, but you need to do work too. I like the advice to get involved. Even if it's some silly book club at the library, you're going to meet people who may just be friends, but it will give you practice socially making new friends, etc. Like everyone said, become an interesting person yourself, and you will become more likeable, and have things to talk about. Definetly do the internet dating thing, and also real life.

  • Doubtfully Yours
    Doubtfully Yours


    Sad to say, but looks do stop many from inquiring further these days. Therefore, try your best to get in shape by joining a gym or some other activity. Perhaps you might want to rethink your wardrobe if it's too too modest or outdated. In addition to that, for your extreme case of shyness, take some assertiveness class.

    The good news is that there's a solution to your problem, and it's all in your hands to solve it.


  • EvilForce

    Stop allowing yourself to be a victim and live life on your terms. Shake up your old belief system. Do things you normally would not do. Dub's love to live their life in a box....anything that doesn't fit in the box they want no part of. Experience new things. And yes, go get laid!

  • OldSoul

    Welcome, Harpy!!! There's tons of misfits here, you'll fit right in.

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl

    Hi Harpy!

    Welcome to the board, we're really glad to hear from you! I'm very sorry to read of your loneliness and shyness, but that, and many other things can be fixed, and produce a whole new you!

    I would say find a walking group that just takes walks through parks. That way you can amble along at your own pace, and make a few new friends and then you can amble together! Do some volunteer work at at some local charities; be involved with things that will bring *all kinds* of people into your life: children, the elderly, and people your own age. These attempts alone will make you feel more confident, which in turn will help you gain momentum to try even newer and bigger tasks for your life! Networking is a great way to get fixed up on blind dates, meet new people, and experience new things.

    I wish you great success in your new life...


  • eyegirl

    my brother (who's miserably married) gave me some good advice--go figure! he said that if you get involved doing things that you like, you're bound to meet someone. it is tough to make new friends, but sometimes trying to find groups or getting involved with others that share common interests is good.

Share this