A very lonely life.

Harpy

How do I stop having a lonely life? I am 33 years old and have never had a relationship with anyone. I have never dated..and as much as I would like to blame the JWs, truth is I have never been asked out by anyone..ever.. I am a bit large, but I am not too fat or ugly and I think I am a good person, so why can't I find someone?? I am too timid to ask first, so maybe that is problem.. But HOW do I find a guy who can understand why a 33 yrold woman has never dated??, and has no idea about relationships and whatnot..(not to mention the "S" word)

I was raised a wit but never really told anyone. I do admit that as a teen I was pretty depressed. I did not take care of myself very well, and was basically afraid of everyone. I grew up in tiny town and am glad I never dated those people (very drugged out town)... But I moved to new state 5 years ago.. and nobody really knows my past or even my JW life.. and still nobody.. I do have a few friends.. but I get tired of going to "family friendly" events and being the only person by themselves.. Same thing when I go to weddings, or family reunions.. I am the only one sitting by themselvs..and sometimes there is even an empty chair at the table which makes it worse.

So how do I recover from such a lack of life?? That old saying, "Better to have loved and lost"... Really starting to suck!!!

Harpy

avishai

We'll help ya where we can, harpy!!

under74

You'll be alright so long as you're all right with yourself (damn Oprah for brainwashing me)

Seriously though a lot of us ex-witnesses have had a hard time with social skills and all that. I think you'll be alright just don't fall over the first guy that takes you out on 3 dates in a row. And it'll happen but I think you gotta take baby steps toward it. I know I'm not offering a whole lot but stick around the forum and maybe someone else will have more advice to offer than myself.

Welcome to the forum.

logical

Well I dont know how to help cos Im in a similar situation. Just know you are not alone in this situation and more people than you think are like you, I know its easy to say and believe me even I cant follow my own advice, but try taking the first step. Maybe people DO want to talk to you but are too shy or afraid of being rejected. I dont think people will care that you have never dated. IF they do care then get rid of them and dont bother with them.

Been there

You could maybe start hanging out at a fun, friendly church that has a singles group. That could get you knowing people on a fun level and work you into a little bit of a social life. You would find females and males all in the same boat, a chance to work on your social skills first. You could gain some confidence. Everyone has a someone. You just haven't put yourself out there to find them. The more you do it the easier it gets. There are alot of people like you who want the same things you want, go find them girl.

I know thats easier said then done. I really do understand your loneliness. I've been married 25 years and some of those have been the most lonely years of my life, so having a partner doesn't always fix it.

No one will care for you more then you care for yourself. Take charge of you. Learn to be happy with you. Learn to love you for you. Use some kind of a group for practice, then narrow the field. What ever it is make it something you would like to do or already like to do.

Go get em.

rebel8

It's really hard to find anyone dateable in their 30s! You do have to be willing to make the first move--if not, you may never get the chance to meet anyone. And you must be willing to accept more "no" answers than "yes". It's hard!

Have you tried the online dating thing? I would if I was still single. There is that one that the psychologist designed--can't think of the name. (Just create an email address without your name and address in the database, and use that for safety.) I really think those types of services are the best way to meet people. You can "meet" a larger # of people than you could by going to a bar or whatever. Your "candidates" will be screened to ensure they match your interests, but like any dating situation, the info is only as accurate as the person wants it to be. But at least you'll be eliminating dates with a lot of men who don't match your interests/requirements/etc.

It's important to show you are an independent, happy person. Put your best foot forward. Do the girly stuff--your nails, etc.--that shows you are interested. Hobbies are a must--join a hiking club, charity, whatever.

Honestly, I wouldn't mention your dating history at first. Give 'em a chance to get to know you. When it first comes up, just say you haven't dated much. You can tell the rest of the story later when your relationship has progressed to that point.

Nathan Natas

I would suggest you make an appointment to talk with a psychologist. Explain your lonliness and your background. The psychologist will give you some suggestions and "homework". This will take some commitment on your part - our lives are not 30 minute sitcoms that get all fixed before we breeak for a commercial.

You have to step outside your door to begin that journey of 1000 miles.

AuntieJane

Hi and Welcome! There are many good ideas here. I would say GET Involved...in NEW things! Check out postings at the Library for events; volunteer in something that sparks your interest...Online dating works, my daughter (30 yoa) tried it 2 yrs ago and has a BF and future fiancee now, a great person. BUT be careful with that. Very careful. She didn't meet anyone until many emails passed, then phone calls, then met in public daytime (parked her car a couple blocks away) for coffee..NOT alcohol for the first meeting.

Therapy is a good thing; going to a small church is a good thing. If you are a little overweight, join a gym (you will feel better about yourself and it will show).

The JW past probably has a lot to do with it, but both my daughters have dealt with depression and they had no JW history at all.

TAKE Care, stay around here and keep us posted!

AuntieJ

marcosgarcia

love11

A friend of mine put her info on an internet dating site. She liked it because you could just sit back and watch the guys contact her if they were interested, so it wasn't any of that " oh I hope he likes me" business. And you can delete the ones you don't like. Post your picture and be honest about who you are and I think you'll find someone that is compatible with you.

However, I wouldn't recommend going out and marrying the one of the first few guys you date. It takes awhile to figure out what you really like in a man, instead of what you thought you liked. If sex is still an issue, see a sex therapist to help you enjoy something that is natural for a human to enjoy. IMHO

A very lonely life.

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