New developement

by Shawn 29 Replies latest jw experiences

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  AuntieJane

  Oh Shawn, I'm sorry to hear this; you have such a good heart, I wish she could see it like we do. You do need a break from this place, and stay away from JW talk with her. I am not sure about going to a KH, though. I tell you, those people can twist someone's beliefs big time. My niece told me she would NEVER let her brother convert her...I think it was a matter of weeks. These were young adults...the very same ones who stood by the door of the church at their own dad's funeral in Christian love!

  Tread slowly, take care of yourself first, OK?

  AuntieJ
• 

  NewLight2

  AuntieJane,
  
  I would not advise most people to start attending the KH or accept a 'study', but I feel that Shawn has been 'cult-proofed' enough to handle this experience. His 'drive to rescue' runs very deep and this suggests to me, that he will not allow himself to be sucked in by their lies or mind-control.
  
  NewLight2
• 

  Shawn

  Thank you NL2. By the grace of God that will remain true. I am going to stay away from talking to her about JWs though. i have been focusing on this too much and not being her friend. I just wish and pray that I will have the chance to continue to be her friend. It is very very hard and I know that I have a long way to go. God help me!!
• 

  AK - Jeff

  NL2 -

  I see what you are trying to suggest as perhaps very dangerous here. I know what you are saying, but the potential for fallout is huge!

  If Shaun appears too 'interested' his friend might just 'buckle down' and become a witness, with the view that friendship with him will be even more rewarding now that they are both 'coming into the truth'. When Shaun backes away from the org [which is inevitable in the scenario you paint], she will flee like a demon has possessed him. That is, if she has continued her own 'spiritual growth'. The dubs will convince her at that point that he is 'bad association', now that he has 'rejected the truth and Jehovah'.

  He might loose her forever in that case.

  Not trying to be negative to your ideas. But a looser 'interested one' is safer in my humble opinion.

  Jeff
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  NewLight2

  Jeff,
  
  What you say makes sense in the long run, but I was thinking that this process of being 'interested' could be streached out to years. I've read on this forum how some have remained 'studies' for years on end without much difficulity. I was not suggesting that he attend ALL the meetings, just perhaps a Sunday meeting now and then. Just enough to give his friend the comfort she needs right now to remaid his friend.
  
  I agree with you that this process has its risks, but so does 'remaining a worldy person' for Shawn.
  
  What advise would you give to Shawn?
  
  NewLight2
• 

  cheeseman

  Shawn, I'm not gonna tell you what to do. It's not my place and moreover, you'll probably do what you feel best within yourself more than follow the advice on this board. However, if I was in your situation I would re-assess it and view it in a different light.

  Also, she said that she cannot continue being my friend if she is going to be a JW wholeheartedly. She is right on the edge of being unapproachable. I told her that I will always be there even if she doesn't want me there. She started to cry and said that it didn't matter.

  She is calling the shots here. I wouldn't let this happen. You must have control of the decisions...not her. Instead, remaining as friends would be MY decision, my friend would only remain a friend conditional to her accepting MY way. What I'm saying is...call her bluff. I would tell her that if SHE wanted to continue being MY friend, she MUST accept that the WTS is not God's representative on earth. If she refused I would cut off all contact. Within a few weeks she will seek you out again. Why? Because you now have control and she wants it back. However, now her position will be weakened and you will be in much better shape to tear down the WTS before her very eyes. This will work in my opinion because of reverse psychology. If you tell her you don't want to be friends anymore...guess what...she will want to be friends more than ever. SHE must live in and respect the conditions of YOUR world. Not the other way round. It takes guts to do this and it is potentially risky, but I believe it will work. Be strong. Only by being stronger will she trust in you. Good luck.
• 

  GetBusyLiving

  Shawn, you have to realize that any negative comments abou the WTBTS, ANYTHING.. will be you fulfilling a prophecy that the witnesses have warned her about. This STRENTHENS THEIR RESOLVE to 'remain loyal to Jehovah and his Organization' because, in their brains, they are watching divine warfare in REAL LIFE!! When a potential cultist buys into the logic that the entire world is under Satan's control and only by doing whatever they are told by the Governing Body can they have a hope for everlasting life, they become a shell of their old selves. Its scary as hell to watch happen and hard to understand, but that's the way it is man and you have to be smart about things if you want a hope in hell of getting her out.

  GBL
• 

  Shawn

  Cheese, sorry man but not going to happen. While it sounds plausible to some it wont work. She is conforming to a society that is based on conditional love. I offer her unconditional love and I want her to know that God offers her unconditional love. I wish it would work but right now she sees her JW friends as better than me and they offer her a constant ditraction which is the key. They have nicer homes, cars more money and all that allows her to go to the movies, go to dinner and go shopping. While it is a matter of time before these things are no longer fun it may be too late by then. All I can do is sit here and wait for her to come to me. I cannot force her hand. It is against what I want for her and I want her to know my love for her.
  
  GBL, that is what scares me so much. That is where I messed up yesterday. It is the once prophecy they have been able to get right and it is the one porphecy that a 6 year old could explain to you. Their logic is so simple and f#$ked up. God have mercy on the WTS and all those who keep it there.
• 

  Check_Your_Premises

  Hey Shawn... I thought you agreed to take a break from this place! Go drink a beer brotha!
• 

  cheeseman

  Hey Shawn, don't know if you've taken your break yet or what...but, if you're still reading I'll share my brief story with you.

  I have been in your situation before. However, I was in your friend's position, so I have a good idea what's going through her mind. I was doing a "bible study" with the witnesses. My girlfriend was opposed. I began to view her with suspicion, I thought that she was from Satan and that she was trying to lead me astray from the truth. Eventually, she got sick of my association with them...she gave me an ultimatum...choose the witnesses or choose her.

  I chose the witnesses and she told me that we were finished. Now, what comes next may surprise you.

  At first I thought this was great...no opposition...I thought I was doing the right thing, abiding by jehovah, etc,etc. However, after a few weeks I really began to miss her. I really loved her and it began to hurt not being able to associate with her. I started to question the "truth". How could a loving God and a loving religion not allow me to be with the girl I loved? It seemed wrong.

  I decided I would meet with her again, maybe to convert her into the truth, but most of all just to be with her again. She was obviously less affectionate when we met again. In fact, the less affectionate she was...the more I wanted her back. I loved her and it wasn't up to anyone else to stop me from seeing her. I kept meeting her, she always let me know she still loved me but she never lost her nerve and always stuck to her guns that we couldn't be together as long as I was with the witnesses.

  Now, I started to question the JW's. It didn't feel right. God wouldn't want this, for me to be without my girl... would he???

  I started to fade from the "truth". The more I faded, the more my girl accepted me back...I was being rewarded for leaving the witnesses. The JW's never rewarded me for leaving my girlfriend, I never felt right about that.. Within a short while we were back together. My faith in the witnesses had crumbled. My eyes had been opened, I questioned everything and anything about the JW's and their isolationist stance concerning non-witnesses. This was the first crack in my faith. So, I guess the point I'm making is that if my girlfriend hadn't been so strong and cut off contact, things wouldn't have worked out.

  If she had kept the contact going when I was with the JW's, I would have continued to view her with suspicion, and that she was a test from Satan to dissuade me from the truth. When she cut off contact it confused me. I thought...How can she be a test from Satan to unconvert me when she wasn't around to even speak to me. She had moved on with her life and left me behind and this is what made me think.

  I'm not saying this will 100% definitely work for you, but I think it's worth bearing in mind. If my girl had not cut contact and just kept coming at me and coming at me...over and over again, then I would have pushed her away over and over again. When she cut contact she broke the cycle. The mind control of the JW's lost it's effectiveness. The JW's tried to rationalise it by saying the "truth" divides people and families...but I didn't buy their bullshit because I had lost the one thing that was more important than the JW's...her.

  So, to summarise. If your friend is a true friend then the mind control will not work if you use this tactic. If she is anything less than a true friend...you're chances are extremely slim no matter what you do. Just remember that you have options open to you. Don't give up hope...but don't be afraid to move on in your life without her, neither. This may be the key that will ultimately save her. Good luck with whatever you do and I hope it works out for you, man I really do.