Thought it was about time I spill my guts...

by Krystal 32 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Krystal

    Hello Everyone,

    I have already posted bits and bobs about my "story"... I like the companionship I have found here and I feel it about time I get this off my chest, so here it goes.

    I am a 20 year old Montrealer (it is me above!) who was brought up a witness from the day I was born. My mother was brought up a witness also and my father converted when he was 17-18. I have three sisters, no brothers.

    I lived in the same house/neighbourhood/congragation untill I was 13 years old; at which point I moved to a new place. I started Sec II (grade 8) in a new school and met a boy... (Daniel, one year older than me!) Well, I fell for him... hard. He fell for me. However, in the background my parents were "encouraging" me towards baptisim... talk about turmoil. Our relationship was on and off for a long time. It was difficult to date someone you couldnt see outside of school and were not allowed to talk to. Finally in Grd 10 I made up my mind, I was going to be a witness. I broke up with Daniel, prayed to Jehovah for forgivness and dedicated my life to him.

    I was baptised when I was 15 years old and like most witnesses my age had great ambitions about going off to Bethel or Missionary school etc. But everyday when I went to school and saw Daniel... it hurt me. I missed him... that is when the doubts started... why couldn't I be with him. Surely a loving god could understand that?! Daniel and I got back together. The guilt was killing me... I couldn't do this...UGH!

    Then in my graduating year of High School, Daniel broke up with me! I was crushed. He said he didn't see me enough... that he didn't like that he couldn't call me or hold my hand in public; that he couldn't deal with a "secret" relationship anymore.

    Well, I graduated HS and started a business administration course. This time I was further away from home, near a public transit system and had teachers that didn't require a note when I was absent... hrm... interesting. School was always easy for me so I breezed through the course taking long lunches and most afternoons off. I then started dating a fellow witness... nice guy... he was also having doubts. I got a part-time job at a clothing store in a tiny little mall close to my parents house. One day at work, I glanced across to the store across the way and low and behold guess who was there? Yup, you got it... Daniel. I started to cry. What was I doing... this wasn't right. My heart was in the wrong place.

    I broke up with Troy explaining that it wasn't fair of me to date him since I obviously had such strong feelings still. One day on my work break I built up the nerve to go say hi. I melted... he melted... we hugged and wouldn't let go. We started dating again, which was much easier this time due to my new found freedom. My commenting diminished... I would make my work schedule purposely conflict with meetings and field service... personal study was non-existant. My parents got worried.

    Then one day, I went over to daniel's house to watch a movie and it happened... the life altering moment. I will suffice to say that we watched the movie "Road Trip" 4 times in a row and I still have no idea what that movie is about!

    My parents figured out what was going on and asked me some questions, I told them exactly what I had been up to... however I had one more scarey tidbit to add for them... I was pregnent. (I was 17)

    I lived with my parents for a month after that conversation. I moved out (and in with Daniel) 5 days before my disfellowshipping was announced.

    3 months later I miscarried. That was the hardest day of my life. 17... miscarried... confused... no mom to talk to. All I can say, is my children will NEVER experience that.

    Now, I am 20. I still live with Daniel and we are planning to get engaged by the fall. I haven't spoken to anyone from my childhood including my close relatives since the day I moved out.

    Since then, I have taken up studying paganisim... interesting I must say!

    I have some friends who are committed to "de-programming" me... they suggested I get in touch with some people who have had similar experiences... I think it is the best piece of advice I have ever had.

    Thanks for the listening ear... I look forward to getting to know you all better!

  • myself

    Krystal, you have been through a lot. I haven't seen your earlier post so at this time I would like to say welcome.

    This site along with some others have been a great aid in "deprogramming" me. It took a while to let things go, to stop feeling guilty, and that I was going to be destroyed for leaving a man made cult that is merely in the publishing business.


  • MelbaToast

    Krystal. Glad you could get that out. Hope you feel the same wieght lifted that I have felt by coming here. My advice, look at the best of links. They are great.

    Welcome. MT

  • EvilForce

    thanks for sharing your story with us :)

  • GetBusyLiving

    Krystal, that was a sad story for sure. Really happy to have you here, you will be good for this board.


  • phil78


    Your life so far certanly has had its ups and downs. Now you're with Daniel, hopefully things will be smoother sailing. The important thing is to be informed and positive about the reasons the society is wrong and misleading. With your studys in paganism, i think you are certanly mooving in the other direction.

    Your story had me feeling quite a few emotions all at once, first sad, then happy. We both wish you the best of luck. Don't feel guilty. Definately continue to drop into here on a regular basis. *** Knowledge is power ***


  • evita

    Welcome Krystal

    I was really touched by your story. So much to deal with at such a young age. I know how painful it can be to need your mom so much and have her shun you. I hope she reconsiders before the relationship is irreparably broken. I wish you all the best as you release yourself from the JW bonds of guilt, sadness, and fear and create a new and wonderful life with your future husband.

  • Sirona

    Hi Krystal

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    I'm glad you decided to join this forum, you will definately find people who understand where you're coming from. I'm so glad you managed to be with Daniel and are so in love.

    As for your miscarriage, I'm so sorry. I've had two miscarriages and I know its horrible. I hope you and Daniel can have a family when you're ready (actually, I hear that something like one third of first pregnancies miscarry and then the person goes on to have children just fine).



  • phil78

    Aint it great how many sincere and genuinely nice people there are out there.


  • Bas

    Hi Krystal, i think it's very courageous of you to tell your very personal story, it's a lot you've had to deal with in short time but it sounds like you're on the right track not running away from the past but instead dealing with it. It must be really hard not seeing your parents and sisters, can they contact you if they wanted/needed to? Well, welcome to the board I'm the odd dutchman and I went to Montreal twice in recent years, I loved it!

    greetings from Holland


    edited: PS we can't see your picture, you'd have to put it on a server to make it work...

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