weird reasoning...

zaphod

a cousin of mine was married to a brother at seventeen for two years. they both pioneered and were, evidently, a happy spiritual couple.

my cousin realised that she had made a huge mistake marrying this brother, as they both were hormonally charged teenagers who had followed paul's advice to get married if they could not go without sex.

she just did not love him any more and she felt trapped by the jw stance on divorce.

this was her escape plan:

she felt that if she left and had an unscriptural divorce, that would take years to come through, she may be disfellowshipped and that brothers would not be free to marry her once she was reinstated.

so (by her own admission) she had no choice but to have an affair with a man in order to get a scriptural divorce from her husband so that when she had taken her medicine and come back to the meetings, she would be eligible to be someone else's wife and not be condemned to a life of celibacy (or secrecy).

then she moved back in with her family before she was d'fd so that she copuld still have contact when the inevitable happened.(smart girl, really)

and the elders would not know her motives only her actions.

but surely, if you truly believe, then the one that matters, who knows all things, knows. you surely cannot get away with anything, if you truly believe. and if you don't believe god is with you and watching - why subject yourself to the organisations rules? could it be because her family and friends would shun her if she was actually true to herself?

there's nowt so queer as folk, eh?

zaphod

Lehaa

That happens soo much.

Was my ecape plan tooo, but once being df'ed felt free, Now i've moved on and never look back.

It's just a pity that people feel they have to do such drastic things just to get out of a marriage they are truly unhappy in.

Englishman

A very similar thing happened in our old district. The DO had an affair with a sister, so they confessed knowing that they would get DF'd. The plan was for a divorce to come through so that they could marry. Unfortunately, the DO also confessed to his plan and his intention to serve his time and marry his lover. The JC Df'd them for a 10 year minimum period.

Englishman.

Lehaa

A very similar thing happened in our old district. The DO had an affair with a sister, so they confessed knowing that they would get DF'd. The plan was for a divorce to come through so that they could marry. Unfortunately, the DO also confessed to his plan and his intention to serve his time and marry his lover. The JC Df'd them for a 10 year minimum period

dumbarse!!!!

You think he would have known the rules. Sorry! I find this quite amusing.

rebel8

This is mentioned in the elder's handbook. They are supposed to be cautious of people trying to work this scheme.

A question I'd love to ask your cousin: Why not just tell the elders you cheated instead of actually carrying it out? Your sin of lying to the elders would have been lesser than cheating on your husband.

zaphod

do you think so? i was always led to believe that a sin was a sin was a sin.

deliberately lying would be just as bad as adultery (and if my cousin was totally honest about her motives, not half as much fun)

i thought that the only distinction as far as sin was concerned was that there were certain ones (i never knew what they actually were) that were unforgivable, sinning against the holy spirit.

zaphod

Dragonlady76

I have a friend that married a total witch for a wife, she would not consumate the marriage and had severe mental problems, well the poor guy was stuck with a wife that had no HS diploma, woudln't work, cook or clean the house, have sex with him and verbally abused him, so after a couple of months of marriage they seperated and he waited a full year then did what he felt he had to do to end his marriage scriptually and had sex with another women, he told the elders and he requested to be Df'd as the elders told him he could be privately reproved, and that was how he got out of it. The sad part was that he was then told that he was still not free to remarry until his ex wife married first, so he eneded up waiting 5 years for her to remarry, so that he could feel free. The part that pissed me off was that his dad was a prominent elder and knew that his son did not need to wait till she remarried per the elders handbook. JW's truly force their flock to commit terrible sins and hurt others just to get a divorce.

DL76

love2Bworldly

When I divorced my first husband, who was not a JW, the elders told me I had to turn in a written note that he had slept with other women so I could have a scriptural divorce. My husband agreed to write the note and I turned it in.

That is so wacko. I knew another sister who was told the same thing, however her spouse refused to write the note. She found blood stains on her husbands underwear and used that as proof to the elders (the understanding was that he had sex with a woman on her period).

How humiliating to be under a microscope like that! I know God did not mean for us to live this way. Only God can read hearts, not the idiotic elders. And it is none of their damn business whether a person has a scripturally 'proven' divorce or not, it's between you and God.

zaphod

that reminds me of a time when i was much younger and i got into a compromising situation with a brother.( although we stopped well short of full sex)

feeling guilty, i immediately informed the po by phone. he asked me in intimate detail what had occurred even asking me if the brother had ejaculated.

i was horrified.

when i was divorced i also had to beg my ex for a confession of adultery so that i could get a scriptural divorce even though i knew that he had been unfaithful and he had physically and emotionally abused me. i think that he really enjoyed the year and a half that he kept me dangling until he got bored and admitted to many more counts than i had realised.

zaphod

BrendaCloutier

I had an affair to get out of my first marriage, too.

However, the affair was planned on my part to help destroy the marriage because I didn't want any possible way open for him to try to get back together with me.

This was after I gave serious consideration to killing him. Think the movie "The Burning Bed". He was violent and abusive. However, there was no way I was going to further consider spending my life in prison because of him.

So suicide became an option. 44 magnum. Smith and Wesson 4 inch black barrel. Walnut hand grips. On my 25th birthday I played classic russian roulette. Except the first one just clicked. The second one just clicked. I looked down the barrel, then pointed up and pulled the trigger

"*BANG*".

It scared the life back into me. I now have hearing problems in my right ear, but that is a small price to pay.

I was finally able to leave him 8 months later.

We weren't dubs anymore so the rules no longer applied to me. If he wanted back in, he had proof enough with another witness (his sister) that knew of the affair. I really didn't care!

And I'm not DF'd officially DA'd. Just not a JW anymore.

Hugs and love

Brenda

PS.... I was married at 18 - he was 21.

weird reasoning...

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