Dating/relationships and ex-dubbyness (page 3)

bikerchic

iiz2cool:

It's good to find someone with whom you share things in common, but if the things you have in common are primarily negative, like the JW thing, you risk entering into a lifelong bitchfest. I don't want to spend more time complaining about the watchtower than I actually spent in it. I've already given them far more than they deserve.

Craig and I found there were a lot of positive things about having both been raised up as JW's and we focused on those positive things. I do understand what you mean about spending a lot of time working out your past experiences with the WTS, but for us we were on the same page and have helped each other work through the whole process. It's worked for us I think because we understood the process and that it is something you really have to go through, doing it together has made our marriage stronger.

Don't give up the idea that you can find happiness in either scenario X-JW or never been one it's all in what you focus on the negative aspects or the positive ones. You are nice guy and I'm sure there is someone out there for you when you are ready you'll know.

Kate

Dragonlady76

I say why not?

It's always best to try something before you knock it, I never wanted to date a dub when I was attending the kh.

At this point in my life I would date an ex-dub. My only fears would be that he would go back for his family or the "wifely subjection issue" and that we as a couple would have so much baggage that we could not have a healthy relationship.

DL76

Lehaa

I did for a while, didn't work though. Combination of a lot of things. He was still very angry towards the witnesses, I was over that and found it hard to deal with. Especially since hed been out years longer thatn me.

Next time I might try someone who has had nothing to do with the organisation.

onacruse

Well, hardly being one to speak to this thread as disinterested third party , but I would offer this advice, based on how things went with Kate and me:

Honesty, honesty, honesty!!!!

In less than 2 months, she and I had logged 450+ pages on ICQ, in addition to almost countless hours on the phone. No question was barred, and no question went unanswered. Also, we both talked with a number of friends that we knew via JWD, and others.

A good number of marriages have come from "introductions" on JWD (and on other dbs, of course); a comparable number of initial relationships have gone a different route. I have no idea if there are any statistics about how many dates that happen solely from IRL meetings have happy and permanent results; but I suspect that the success/failure rate is comparable--the db environment seems like such a microcosm.

As a result, I'm tempted to say that "the only thing you have to fear is fear itself." However, life is so complicated...perhaps the better perspective might be "nothing ventured, nothing gained."

That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it!

Craigster

Dragonlady76

As a result, I'm tempted to say that "the only thing you have to fear is fear itself." However, life is so complicated...perhaps the better perspective might be "nothing ventured, nothing gained."
That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it!
Craigster

Glad you posted this, it gives me a diffirent perspective.

THX DL76

heatherg

Hey babe, jaredg posted on here, fate? I think not *with evil laugh*

I dunno you pose a very good question. I my case an non-jw was the best for me. Dont' know if I could handle an ex-jw, too much baggage. Heather

whyamihere

April......

Much like the JW's you could only date a JW. I say look around and date alot and whom ever. At your age(our age) we are finding ourselves do limit to anything!

Having the same back round is great and you have alot in common! Also the same anger issues the loss of friends family loved ones etc... That person will understand. However, starting New(I mean new) and Fresh and unfamiliar is great as well. There so many men so little time. Play the field and get great naughty stories to tell me! Pictures are great as Well!

Brooke

Mr. Neutron

I never dated anyone in the organization while I was active... But not long after I was out I started dating a girl with an Evangelical Lutheran background... One evening I found her looking through some witness material I had... I wouldn't say she became "interested" but she was curious. I didn't think much of it, but apparently she revealed the information to her mother... At that point my entire relationship with her family changed..

Her family was pretty much the way most people on this board describe witnesses...

They didn't tolerate dissenting opinion- often starting fights when their views were challenged...

They were eager to hurl out accusations about what I "believed" though at the time I was neither practicing nor was I interested in practicing, though I have to admit that I was upset when they accused me of having all sorts of crazy beliefs that I NEVER had-- they picked off a lot of stories from freeminds.org and silentlambs.org as "proof" that witnesses were rotten people. Not having much interest in being a witness or an opposer of witnesses I really had no clue as I'd never heard of either website.

Well my ex continued to ask questions about what witnesses "really" believed as she wasn't convinvced that what she was reading on freeminds.org or silentlambs.org was entirely acurate (I myself agreed with her both then and now), but I didn't really want to talk religion with her because I didn't want to be drawn back into the JWs nor did I want to be involved with the Lutheran Church...

When they decided there was no way they could bring me in I basically had to deal with all kinds of threats of "burning in hell" and she faced threats of being disowned by her family if she ever started to study with witnesses... This was all really disturbing to me as I had been out and had no desire to go back...

How many of you have had to deal with people giving you a hard time even though you had made a choice to leave the JW religion?

'N'

William Penwell

I think that dating an ex Jdub could be OK as long as both people have come to terms with and accepted their past as something to learn and grow from with no bitterness or bend up angry. Some ex dubs are still living in the past and have so much angry and hatred that it is not a good way to enter into a relationship on these bases.

Will

garybuss

Once I slept with an ex Witness, my second wife, and my current wife all at the same time.

Dating/relationships and ex-dubbyness

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