Dating/relationships and ex-dubbyness (page 2)

Billygoat

Kate said in the "beginning" thread:

My gut feelings about you are that you can and will do what is right for Craig just be patient with yourself. You are after all young, and have pleanty of years ahead of you, enjoy life experience it, don't be afraid of living, of loving or of recieving love. You are such a caring man already concerned with hurting someone else, with that kind of attitude I don't see how you could cause anyone hurt, just don't let it paralize you from experiencing something really sweet in your life now.
Now the big question to you is who is this woman who has stollen your heart?

Hahaha! You're so cool!

It didn't work out for us thought, not sure if it was our common wacky history or other stuff. I do now however am very happy with a guy that has never been a dub, he's more grounded than my previous partner, and looks at things way more neutral and normal. Whenever I have moments of intense selfpity (not often) he just looks at me and reminds me thats its over and done with and I should waste my time feeling sorry for myself. I like it this way. Wallowing in guilttrips and feeling sorry for ourselves was part of the previous relationship .... glad it isn't like that now.

Maverick

My fiance is a pretent JW. She goes to the Hall on Sundays and when she visits with her children. I leave it alone and she does not bring it up. We both know it is total crap and she admits she could not tell you any of their stupid doctrine. This is the only area we avoid. She and my daughter talk all the time about who is having sex with who and what would happen if they did DNA tests on the children at her Hall and how that would blow the lid off the place. If they lifted the ban on talking to ex-JW's there, no doubt, would be thosands like her who would just walk away.

As for relationships with ex JW's, I've dated lots of women both in and out of the borg. Them that never was IS easier.

wanderlustguy

I just re-ended my first real relationship after Dubdom - tell you about it later - but it wasn't easy. She couldn't understand my need to associate with other people (not just women, any people) and also didn't get why I'm so screwed up about religion, etc. The other thing is, as I'm learning more, I also zone out so to speak, and don't say a whole lot about anything because I'm so deep in thought.

I'm thinking I would like to meet a nice apostagirl one day, but I have too much to fix in my own head and life first.

Here's to meaningful short term relationships!

beebee

I started reading on these boards early on in my relationship with my ex-dubby (I've never been to dubdom). It has been an interesting ride; the first year was quite the roller coaster. Some of our problems that year had far more to do with him not being single long enough (now divorced). He was raised in the troof and shaking the "only date to find a spouse" was a hard one for him. He was comfortable with playing "dog" and having casual sex, but when it came down to having a relationship and not sweating whether or not it was headed for the alter was a tough one. There was no middle ground for him.

I still see some other traits, such as the need to please everyone including some who have treated him poorly. I think he still has days when he doesn't see himself as "good enough." We've also had some minor "subjugation" issues.

But there's some strong points to him that I also expect are a result of the dubdom life. He isn't afraid to have a conversation with a stranger and can quickly put almost anyone at ease. He is so far "out" he has learned to speak his mind and enjoys a good debate. I have also stated before on these boards that I think that the problem resolution skills he has brought into our relationship are a direct result of his having married "for life" and his recognition that they needed to work out their problems to be as happy as possible.

devinsmom

NWT: Me thinks you should go ask that girl out...NOW! What are you waiting for? You only live once and you like her, I say go for it. I think any woman would be lucky to have you as well..thanks btw

I enjoy reading everyones perspectives on this, I pretty much agree with everyone for the most part about the wierd hang ups that ex dubs have but most of the ex dubbies I know are pretty grounded, probably since theyve been out for most if not all of there adult life. I think theres a big difference between someone who just grew up in it and someone who has gone through most of his/her adult life in it.

iiz2cool

If I were to date again I don't think I would date an ex-jw. It's good to find someone with whom you share things in common, but if the things you have in common are primarily negative, like the JW thing, you risk entering into a lifelong bitchfest. I don't want to spend more time complaining about the watchtower than I actually spent in it. I've already given them far more than they deserve.

Walter

coffee_black

I'm dating an xjw.... we "dated" when I was 16. We're both 50 something now... It's wonderful!

Coffee

jaredg

i've thought about this too and think that it would be cool to date an x-dub but that's about as far as that has gone.

bikerchic

Billygoat said:

Hahaha! You're so cool!

LOL there is a story behind that.......I had no idea who Craig was talking about when he posted that thread and when I saw that thread first thing in the morning I honestly thought he was talking about someone else not me! We really hadn't expressed our true feelings for each other although we were talking non stop on ICQ, as you can see that thread started it all and there was no turning back.

He is so sweeeeeeeeeeeet!

Dating/relationships and ex-dubbyness