Is there Hope? Questions for ex-jw's who were in for 30 years

by MonkeyPrincess 31 Replies latest members private

• 

  jillbedford

  My motto is "Never Give Up" .

  Being raised a witness, fading in my twenties, then making final choices to leave and never go back in my late thirties, thus re-uniting with d'fd long lost family, I know, first person, their is always hope.

  What finally clicked with me? Many things all raising doubts and concerns my whole life, but the two last straws were the changes to the understanding of the generation in 1994, then the fact that my regular pioneer cousin, who commited suicide due to not being accepted into Bethal and not making her field service time for the year, being a huse disappointment to her elder father in both respects, was viewed as being spiritually weak. Laying no responsabilty on her parents expectations of her, no responsability on JW belief, no acknowledgement of the effects of depression. Just one neat little "spiritually weak" package.

  Isn't that special?

  It is with much sorrow I leave behind my parents, who mean no harm to me, they are only doing what the JW's tell them to do in shunning me. And I am not even df'd or da'd. Not attending is treated the same.

  However, with loss comes clear conscience and a reunion with my grandmother, aunt and uncle in a few weeks.

  So to answer your question, there is always hope. Never give up!
• 

  MonkeyPrincess

  JW83-
  Its amazing how your parents opened their eyes and were freed from
  the wts. I dont want to think of them as the exception, but they just
  might be. I will always have hope, even if i cant help them myself, I
  might just continue to watch from the background. I feel that is all I
  am capable of at this point. Thank you for sharing your experience
  with me, it does help so much!

  Garybuss-
  I am so sorry that you were treated so badly, to the point where it made
  you stop believing that there may be hope for them. Part of me wants to
  do just that, and just leave them be and let them leave me be, but part of
  me wants to help free them, even if i in reality i cant help. I guess i just
  dont want to feel so alone without my parents and sister. My mom and
  dad always sheltered us from their 'worldly' family, so we never got to know
  any of them. I never had outside association, so never made friends with
  anyone not in the 'truth'. I am a very social person, so being raised in the
  org, and coming out with no one on my side has been so challenging for me.
  I have made friends, and luckily my best friend left the org too, so i am totally
  alone. But i want to hope they will come around, im being careful though, i
  dont want to keep trying at the cost of being mentally and emotinally batared.
  Thank you for your comments, it does give me another side to think about. :)

  Jill-
  I was raised in the Org like you were, so i understand exactly where your
  coming from. I am so sorry to hear about your cousin, that is such a sad
  heartbreaking story, sadly though, i have heard similer stories just like that
  one. Does that spell 'truth' to me.. no, not at all.
  I am happy that you have some family to bond with and get back in touch
  with, i am sure they are so thrilled to hear from you and get to spend time
  with you. That is wonderful!
  I dont think i will give up, i am just not sure how i should proceed.

  MonkeyPrincess
• 

  alw

  monkey princess,i am jw83 dad, you may be right and we may be the exception, i know of other jws who are locally shunning their children and g. children and they seem to not be affected at all. i feel in two minds whether to encourage you to "not give up" or to move on,and muddle through as best as you can.

  do you ring your parents, write them, email them,? the reason i ask is jw83 rang us every day at least 3 or 4 times and wouldnt just let us forget her as we were trying to. my wife and i were so upset,it was so unnatural for us to let go of our daughter whom we loved so much, i was looking for loopholes in the wt pubs, and jw83 just about nagged us into realising it was so unchristian to shun.

  my point im trying to make is if you are not nagging them , give it a try because believe me it pulls hard on the heart strings. all the best. mr.alw
• 

  Honesty

  Monkey Princess,

  I was finally able to get out of the cult at 51. It can be done. It may cost a lot more than a person is willing to give up so be patient and kind to them. The dub life is all a lot of people have and when it is gone their spiritual void that has to be filled with something better or they will always want the old life back..
• 

  blondie

  My parents would rather go to their grave knowing they were wrong, then to ever admit it.

  MP, is that true about other things besides the WTS? If so, then there might be more of a problem.

  I was 51 when I faded...after almost 50 years of attending and almost 35 years baptized.

  The question is are the living in the land of denial. I have met people who are alcoholics or have alcoholic family or friends who cannot see their hand in front of their face. Eventually, so many bad things have to happen that they can't ignore before they see reality.

  I had to have several lying, deceitful events happen in my life or the lives or others at the hands of the so-called shepherds and 'mature" people in the congregation...that just imperfection could not explain away.

  Hope that they see the hypocrisies, clearly and often, and sad to say that they be the target of some of them.

  Love, Blondie
• 

  coffee_black

  I am about your parent's age. I was raised in the borg...third generation baptized at 8.. It was all I ever knew. I was about 38 when I started to allow myself to question. It took me almost 2 years to make my departure official. Yes there is hope for your parents.

  Coffee
• 

  Golf

  The scripture is plain, without love your nothing. The witnesses have deprived their children of love, touching and hugs. This 'natural' love that they lack has deprived many of emotional stability. I find this a crucial element in having a happy life.
  
  Love for fellow worshipers, is sadly lacking. Love between husband and wife is also lacking.
  
  1Cor.13:1-7. One can accomplish great feats but without love, what good is it?
  
  You don't have to an Einstein to see this.
  
  
  Golf
• 

  kls

  Monkey Princess ,i feel the same as you but in my case it is my husband that has been in for 30 years and yes i have given up hope but there is still apart of me that says it still could happen. I know it sounds like double talk but i am prepared for whatever happens,i hope.
• 

  inquirer

  I think most people just leave because of the way they are treated! That's how it was for me and my mum! If someone keeps dissing your parents and the general bad conduct increases, they'll want to leave!
  
  Maybe they'll start noticing obvious "bad conduct" signs... that will make them leave... You know what they are. There's such a long list of things they do with their conduct, that is wrong, that they rarely admit to (JW's in general.)
• 

  IP_SEC

  MP I'd definately say there is hope! I was at one time the stauchest of the staunch. You stinking apostates reeked of death and wickedness to me.

  The chink in the armor starts as a pinhole. It took me years. I shunned cousins, friends, even my own sister, but the pinhole was there and it grew over time.

  They lived through '75 and the generation change. The pinholes are there, they just need some pressure to make them bigger. More unfulfilled promises for the end is not yet. Negative growth, apathy in the ranks, the dry up in spiritual food, a desire to be close the a great daughter?

  It sounds as though they are just keeping up appearances any how. As they get older and are required to do more, well thats just one more pressure.

  There's hope.