Making contact with family

by Crumpet 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • kls

    Aww Crumpet that is so sad and i am sorry especially for you're loved ones taking to side of a bunch of old farts who don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. I think you did the right thing by showing them what real love of family is,something they don't know.

  • MerryMagdalene

    Happy Belated Birthday, Crumpet!!!

    I think showing unconditional love is always a good move----first to oneself and then to others----regardless of the rules some choose to play by. Good for you

    I know there is someone on this forum whose daughter did just that, for quite some time, and now both are free of the bOrg and sharing much love, making up for lost time... can't remember their names though. Very inspiring story!

    All my best to you...


  • Grace

    You did the Christ-like thing by opening your own heart and bearing your soul. That's all you can do. You can do no more. I know the pain and anger of the situation. I, too, am shunned by family; however, it is not my family of origin. So your pain is worse than mine, and I recognize this.

    Turn to Christ and let the Grace of God smile upon you. Then there will be times throughout the day when this burden will feel lifted, other times it will sting again, and then it will lift until it lifts permanently. Find a Church where there is true love. Love is non-judgmental and accepting.

    Remember Christ talking to the woman at the well? He wasn't supposed to talk to her ... but He did! He was not dictated to by "rules of men" which is exactly what Watchtower is. God help your family to someday see the love in true Christianity.

    Grace to you.

  • tweety

    Crumpet - what you did was the best thing that you could of done! To shun someone, you need a victim! You contacting your parents showed them that you are not a victim and you are the better person!

    You asked for examples: My son and his wife wrote me a letter about a year ago explaining that they could not talk to me. Bull$hit! Last week I stopped in to see my son, but he was at work. His wife answered the door and started to shake while she was talking to me. (She is pregnant, with my first grandchild) I was there to see if everything was ok and if they needed anything. I gave them some money for their anniversary and a little something for the baby. She told me that she had a doctors appointment that week and she would let me know after the appt if everything was ok. Well, 3 days phone call.

    So yesterday, I called my son up and asked him. I said to him ' I am not going to keep you long on the phone, but I was just calling to see if everything was ok at the doctors visit.' He was so pleasant to me and we laughed and said our good-byes. (I'll probably receive another letter telling me that they can't have any contact with me! ) haa But I'll be back knocking on his door again!

    Oh and by the way....Happy Belated Birthday!


  • Frog

    Wow crummpet, you sound very much like my cousin and her family. She's still really suffering with the harsh way her family had dealt with her after being dis'd. She often falls into the trap of running to them for support when life gets hard, which it often does, and is a perfectly natural reaction for a person. Both our parents are more or less waiting for us to crash and burn so they can say 'I told you so'. I get the feeling that with my cousin that in her feeling this need to save face with her family that she isn't really dealing with her pain, and is merely covering it over to give her family the appearance that she has moved on, when she clearly hasn't. They of course believe that her unhappiness is directly related to her leaving the org, not the real reason of having been abandoned by the people she loves. Your fam should be there for you in good times and bad, so it's good, even if only instigated by you, that they get a sense of the good times as well.

    Happy b'day by the way:-) v

  • JW83

    Crumpet, hugs to you - you did absolutely the right thing! You never know but, more importantly, you're staying true to yourself. Proud of you, girl!

  • mtbatoon

    Good on you crumpet. I know how hard making that first step to re-contact your loved ones can be. When I was being shunned I accepted it, I think it had a lot to do with my conditioning. Looking back I think a small part of me still felt it was Jehovahs will and I deserved to be shunned. What a messed up religion that turns kids out that way. I think your approach of getting in contact with them when your in a positive mood is spot on.

    I am of course hoping you have all the success you deserve rekindling a relationship with your family. It's always come across in your posts how much it has effected you and even if the result your looking for doesn't come instantly it's better to take an proactive approach that to let the situation control you. You are right in taking it slow, though it's tempting to force the issue your family need to be edged slowly away from their indoctrinated ban on communication and to let their parental side start dictating how they treat you.

    Again I'm hoping for every success in you venture and please, please keep us informed of your strategy and progress as an example and an encouragement but most of all because it make me so happy to hear your doing so well.

  • Crumpet

    God I am touched as hell (thats two blasphemies - oops!) But honestly I am. Do you know how much it means to hear from people that I am a good person when I have always thought I was evil ... I am tearing up bigtime. I feel more supported and encouraged than I ever did in the whole 23 years on and off as a JW and thats from people who haven't even met me - physically.

    How did someone as forgiving and loving as you, come out of those people?!!

    What can I say? I feel better about myself than I ever had. Thank you.

    I have to say my message to my Dad was actually inspired by the example on this board of the young lady from Australia - the one I think you were referring to MerryMagdalene. It got me to thinking why on earth haven't I tried to contact them with happy messages just showing that I love them instead of calling when I am at the bottom of the pit and unable to scramble out.

    This whole board has given me a new mental and emotional health. I thank all of you from the bottom of my now ever expanding heart.

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((JWD Friends)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  • rebel8

    I think it was the right thing to do. (Happy 30th, BTW )

    You are actually partially using a dub technique, ya know. You let them know that when they're ready to come around, you will welcome them. That's what they do to DF/DA/faded people. Of course, you subtracted the whole morally superior thing!

  • Crumpet

    rebel8 - you are absolutely right, and I shall try to quash that whole superiority thing, but it is good to feel like the moral outcast they have made be out to be!

    crumpet of the not looking down her nose class!

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