Creative House-to-House Time Wasting Manuevers

by Black Man 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • Black Man
    Black Man

    Anyone here master the art of pressing in the doorbell without really pressing it? How about knocking where it seems loud on the outside, but you know it can't be heard on the inside. Or standing at a door for up to 5 minutes when you know nobody was there. For brothers in charge of the group, it gets really sweet, because you can work a couple of doors then get back in the car and ride around the territory the rest of the time, checking up on the rest of the group. I'd have to say, that when I became a pioneer, I was able to master most of these subtle arts. Post your creative house-to-house time wasting manuevers here.........

  • minimus

    The pioneer shuffle-----S L O W L Y walking to the next door and talking to your partner every few seconds which necessitated stopping---in order to talk.

  • RunningMan

    This is long, but it is comprehensive:

    The JW?s Time Wasting Guide to Field Service

    Techniques for maximizing your field service numbers

    while minimizing unpleasantness

    The door rub - Many times, a Witness will avoid ringing the door bell, for the ostensible reason of not disturbing persons who may be sleeping. A knock is preferable - the softer the better. Some timid persons will actually pretend to knock, while not making a sound. This serves the triple role of preventing actual contact with the person inside, preserving the call as a not-at-home, which can be worked later, and counting time.

    The early call - A favorite technique is for a Witness to stop and make a door-to-door call, even just a not-at-home, while on their way to their meeting for field service. This allows them to start the meter, drive for a while, go to a short meeting, drive for a while longer, and then begin work, with the meter running all the while. Making that one early call can easily add an extra hour of countable time for every person in the car group.

    The service pace - If you have ever observed Jehovah?s Witnesses in their door to door work, you may notice that they seem to walk very slowly. Quite often you will see them just sitting in their cars or standing on street corners in small groups. This is called the ?service pace?. In normal life, these people move at the same speed as everyone else, but while the meter is running, they look like they are walking up their wedding aisle.

    The coffee break - In every morning of service, there must come a donut. Witnesses are allowed to take a coffee break of 15 minutes, while still counting time. So, they usually choose a coffee shop that is as far as possible from where they are working. After all, travel time counts, too. If you ever see a large group of persons wearing suits from the 1940?s and having coffee on a Saturday morning, you can be sure that they are Witnesses. When the world ends and JW?s take over, the world will be devoid of educated professionals, but, by God, there will be jolly good lunches.

    The public lunch - Closely related to "the coffee break", the public lunch affords yet another opportunity to count time while satisfying bodily functions. Here is how it works: A group of Witnesses goes for lunch. While eating, one of them places a magazine on the table in plain view of passers by. This constitutes "giving a Witness", thereby enabling the time meter to continue running. In many ways, it is similar to "the wooden Indian" (see below). Some persons have attempted to put a Watchtower in the back window of their car, and count time whenever they drive, but that's just silly.

    The literature tip - A commonly used technique during Watchtower conventions is "the literature tip". Occasionally, when JW's are attending a convention or other function, a group of them will eat in a restaurant together. And, when you get this much brain power in one place, it is only a matter of time before someone will come up with the idea of leaving a book or a pair of magazines for the waitress, instead of a tip. Their reasoning is: The message of eternal life is far more valuable than money. This has given rise to a proverb of the food industry: "When Jehovah's Witnesses come to town, they bring the ten commandments and a ten dollar bill - and they don't break either one."

    The not-at-home shuffle - Once a territory has been worked, the Witnesses must return to call on the not-at-homes. This takes more time than regular territory, because the calls are spaced wider apart. Often, territories will have only a few calls left. So, large amounts of time are spent driving between calls and territories. Many times, lazy Witnesses will specifically design their day to maximize travel time.

    The wooden Indian - You have probably seen Witnesses standing on busy streets, holding a small display of Watchtowers and Awakes. In most cases, they will stand completely mute, expecting someone to actually approach them and ask for a magazine. This is called ?street corner work?. It is ideal for those rare Witnesses who are so terrified of human contact that even public degradation is preferable.

    The empty house call - Most Jehovah?s Witnesses go from door to door on Saturday or weekday mornings. This is the least likely time to get people at home. Once it has been established that a certain home is always empty at a particular time, you can be assured that that is when the Witnesses will call.

  • Check_Your_Premises

    I have a question. I am not a dub, just married to one. What happens when people go out with a newly dunked dub. Are they ambitious and therefore annoying to the older-worn-out dubs?

  • iiz2cool

    Find a like minded brother? and arrange to do return visits? directly from the service arrangement?. Then go directly to your favorite restaurant or bar.


  • Scully

    This is something I wrote a long time ago and posted here:

    The Pioneer's Guide to Padding Your Service Report

    1- Set your alarm clock for 6:00 am. Open your window and throw a tract outside. Begin service meter. Hit snooze alarm and go back to bed until 7:00.

    2- At 7:00, toss another tract out the window because surely by now someone has picked up your previous gem of Truth? and divine wisdom and is coming to an accurate knowledge of God's Word. Proceed to the shower.

    3- 7:45 - Get dressed and go to McDonald's or a diner that serves breakfast. Leave a set of magazines on the table instead of a tip for the waitress.

    4- 8:30 - Try that nagging Not-At-Home?, the one with the For Sale sign on the lawn and overgrown yard and no curtains in the window. Slip tract under the door. Proceed to service arrangement.

    5- 9:30 - Service meeting concludes and car groups are organized. Your meter is still running with 3.5 hours in already.

    6- 9:35 - Swing by several other nagging Not-At-Homes? so that the rest of your car group can start their meters too.

    7- 10:35 - After running through all these nagging Not-At-Homes?, it's time for coffee break. Remember to leave a set of magazines for the waitress, instead of a tip.

    8- 10:50 to 11:50 - Return Visits?. Everyone invites you to go with them because you're the Pioneer? and they think it'll improve everyone's opinion of them if they hang with you. Pat yourself on the back for being so generous toward them.

    9- 11:50 - Break for lunch. OK, so it's not quite noon, but if we carry the magazines in front of us while we walk to our destination for lunch (your place, not mine!) we can keep the meter running.

    10- 12:00 to 12:15 - Thank the host/ess for the peanut butter and jelly sandwich and the glass of milk. Read something interesting out of the latest magazines to his/her cat.

    11- 12:15 - Walk back to the territory, holding the magazines up to your chest like a billboard. You are alone, because the rest of them already have finished their day in service, the slackers! Your meter is ticking away at 6 hours 15 minutes.

    12- 12:30 - Find your car. Drive to the mall. Tuck tracts under the windshield wipers of surrounding vehicles. Go to the food court and get a real lunch. Leave a set of magazines on the table for the cleaning staff instead of a tip.

    13- 13:00 - Return to your car. Notice if there are any different cars that have replaced the ones where you left tracts. If so, tuck tracts under windshield wipers of replacement vehicles.

    14- 13:15 - Check your coat pocket for change. Mutter something about publishers not appreciating you because they don't give you any gas money when your car is used in field service. Put $5 worth of gas in the car. Leave a set of magazines tucked into the pump handle so the next person can learn about Jehovah.

    15- 13:30 - Go to Brother Moppensweep's to see if he has enough help with his cleaning company. Flirt with Sister Well-Endowed, and notice the magazines sitting on the corner of her desk. Make a mental note of her dishonest time counting practice, after all she is "just" a publisher. Tell her you were in the neighbourhood while doing some Return Visits?.

    16- 14:00 - Return home for a nap. Mutter something about all the litter and paper waste in the yard of your apartment building. Make a mental note to complain to the superintendant. Leave a set of magazines in the building's laundry room to make your meter stop at exactly the 8 hour mark. Feel good about yourself for placing 10 magazines too.

    17- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • Reefton Jack
    Reefton Jack

    Just remember - The "Worldwide Witness Work" being carried out by the JWs is an important (only?) sign that we are "Living in the Last Days."

  • Check_Your_Premises

    This is funny. I just realized something. Everytime they come by my house, they are logging time. And whenver I tell them I can't have a study they show up anyway and just talk my ear off. After reading this thread it dawned on me that they are just wasting time jabbering away with me.

    I swear, the more time I spend on this site, the more things make sense to me.

  • Check_Your_Premises

    And they never get pissed when I tell them I can't have a study today. I say, "sorry, I hope I didn't waste your time". And they assure me that I didn't. And after I read this thread, I realize they are thanking me. I usually try to be jovial and make people laugh. I am probably a hot commodity.

    "Let's go see that awful unbelieving mate, Matt. He sure is a funny opposer" (secretly hoping that I never come into the truth lest they lose their convenient time waster)

  • zman

    We did the 'north side' call then the 'south side' call then break. Repeat east/west ect makes for a nice day of radio and fast food. We also would bring bottle rockets and other fireworks with us!!!!!!! Worked great till we burnt a hole in the backseat and in one guys dress shirt!!!!! Just so you know a bottle rocket will go 32mph, JUST ROLL UP THE WINDOWS WHILE TESTING THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was our teenage mistake. LMAO

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