Making new friends after fading

M@el5trom

What are some good methods for finding and making new friends after fading away?

I know this is critical to help myself and my wife to move on, and we both have suffered from depression partly because we are isolated to each other for now. We are good friends, but we both feel the need for others also. We've have been fading for a bit over a year now, although we weren't too strong before that.

I grew up in the JWs and my wife joined when she was in her teens, so both of us have little or no experiance making friends as adults in the "world" :gasp:

So, I'm just asking for your favorite methods & suggestions for meeting people you think might have similar interests and how to develop those relationships into friendships. Does it just happen or what?

Thanks,
Mael

Joyzabel

Very good question, m. (and welcome to the board)

As JWs we used to have a built-in community with built-in friends. Making and having long time friends is hard to do.

Find things that both you and your wife like to do Volunteer at soup kitchens, meals on wheels, etc. Other good people help with those things and you might someone with similar interests.

Take up a hobby, golf, sailing, cards, dancing. Even going to the library and doing book reviews will get you out and meeting new people.

I'm sure there will be other suggestions, but its a start. Making new friends helps with the depression, too.

Good luck and let us know what helps you guys.

Hugs,

Joy

Mamacat

We recently moved to a new area, and I've found people here through a group on www.meetup.com They have all kinds of groups on there for different interests.

I mostly look for and hang out with other moms so my 3-year-old gets some interaction with other kids, and I do too. I've seen couples groups on there and tons of other more specific interest groups.

Maybe you could invite someone over for dinner from work? I know someone my husband works with is having a wrestlemania (I think that's the name) party and invited a bunch of people over for the day to watch it on pay-per-view.

GetBusyLiving

Hey, welcome to the board man! The biggest thing for myself was keeping things positive and just making a real effort to get out there. There are so many ways to meet new friends it can be overwhelming, but you first gotta make the effort. Nice to meet ya.

GBL

Effervescent

The advice to get involved in charitable works is really good. Not only will you meet people, but in my experience it fills the void left by thinking you were "helping" people all those years, and yet knowing deep down that you weren't. It feels good to really really help people. At 18 I joined a local volunteer Fire Department and became a certified Firefighter. Volunteering doesn't get any better than that in my book (Ive since had children and quit running into burning buildings, but the experience was key in bulstering my self esteem and finding a social group)

I also got involved in another church when I was ready too. I searched high and low for a church I liked, going to all the places I would have never stepped foot in before. It was an eye opener for me. I don't know if I was expecting goat heads on the walls or what. After about two years I found a church I loved, and have made some pretty amazing friends. Of course I only say this as a suggestion... I don't know if you are ready to even think about this, or are open to an alternative faith.

mamochan13

Volunteering is a great suggestion. Join an organization that you are interested in - a non-profit group or a group working towards a cause, an ethnic society, community league, even a political group. Take a course.

Don't be discouraged if it takes time - friendships don't come easy. you are fortunate to have each other, so even finding more activities you can do together will help.

Get involved in things you weren't allowed to do before!

phil78

Greetings all!

Your situation sounds pretty simular to ours. I was brought up in it, and my wife came in around 15yo. Both 27 now, and have been out for around a year, but inconsistant before that.

We have our son, 7 months, so my wife is trying to get "in" with other mums in the street with simular aged kids. Its going ok, but friends arn't usually made overnight.

We both joined a tennis club, with monday evening fixtures and friday evening lessons. That was going ok, but we are pregnant again, so tennis is out for my wife.

One important thing we had to learn is to be comfortable by ourselves. We were always taught not to venture outside the cong for association. One reason for this is so we would feel alone if we ever tried to leave. Dont be afraid of alone. U still have your wife. Don't feel bad if you don't have a busy social calender. I found most of the guys i work with also have quiet weekends, just with the family. That made me see i didn't need to jon 10 clubs and charities just to be happy. Spend the time working on your family relationships, and new friends will come along in their own time.

Phil

JW83

Hi, I was actually surprised how easy it was to make friends! I was so used to thinking that 'worldly' people were so different - but now I have just as many friends as before - and they will still love me if I paint myself green & dance around naked (I hope)!! I found work, uni & mum's groups good - but also being willing to make the effort to call someone if they've given you their phone number or whatever. Good luck!

Golf

Greetings and welcome. You've been given some fine suggestions to choose from. My only suggestions is, proceed with caution.

Golf

love11

I'm going through that same problem myself. I have been out for 10 years now and was afraid to make friends. I believed that I would never have anything in common with someone ever again. I wasn't a jw and I wasn't in " the world", just sort of in limbo. Now I realize that there is no " people in the world", just people. They always made it seem like everybody that wasn't a jw was a mass murdering satanic worshiper and the good people were just waiting to become a new jw. Don't let them scare you from making friends. They want you to be in solitary confinementso that you will come running back to them for some kind of human contact.

For me, I have found strength in my ex-jw friend and my husband. Also, writing on this forum and reading others comments,have helped me realize that everybody has a hard time in their life that they went through. I believe the thing that has stopped me from making friends has been shame. It's embarrasing to say you were a jw. I remember the first year I celebrated holidays,I felt so stupid because I didn't know how to color easter eggs, I didn't know you had to water the christmas tree, and I didn't get that at 20years old it wasn't ok to go trick or treating anymore. I laugh at it now, but it was hard for me to blend in when you're raised in this cult bubble. I'm still learning but I feel that I am happier with my life because I no longer carry the shame that they try to put on you. I believe that the way you are raised is not your fault and that as an impressionable child you cannot be held accountable for your actions. But rather, it gives me more character saying that I came from such a crazy childhood. Exposing them for who they are and finding out who I really am have been the most healing for me. Good luck in making good friends.... I'm going to be more open to other people this year too. Tell us how it goes!

So so long of a post- I blame insomnia!

Making new friends after fading

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