Crap that hurts! Talking to an ex-LDS (page 2)

kwintestal

Well, if he has a good reason to leave, then why should you be upset?

Kwin

seattleniceguy

it sure as heck feels gut wrenching when your still 'in' and someone you care about leaves. I guess religions have the power to bind us much closer to people emotionally and relationship wise (and I think that's a great aspect of religion whatever else people may criticise about it) - where the challenge is when that bond is broken -its a little bit like a mini death I think.

I'm glad you brought this topic up, because Witnesses would probably feel the very same way.

I disagree with the highlighted portion of your quote. Humans feel affinity for those in their community. It is not religion per se, but rather the sense of community that it instills that causes us to feel close to other members. The same thing happens in secular clubs. Club members feel a special bond to one another. Fellow Rotarians or Kiwanis consider each other of a same "family."

Unfortunately, in the case of religion, changing one's religious views is often seen as turning one's back on the members of that religion, when it really, all the person has done is reconsidered some philisophical questions.

In any other situation, we would feel happy if a friend figured something out and revised their views to be more in line with the way they saw reality. The reason it hits us so hard in religion is that we are vested in the belief system. Their rejection of the belief system feels like a rejection of us. It also may cause us to fear that perhaps we are wrong as well, which is one of the deepest fears humans have.

Just some thoughts. I hope you continue to have a good relationship with your friend.

SNG

Spook

Gregory Bateson has some interesting theories on complex systems and organizational ecologies. The "leaving the cult" reactions are so powerful because the stance of someone who willfully exists the conversation of socially constructed reality is on a very powerful level saying *this isn't real*

Qcmbr

All good points! Why do I come here? - always had a love hate relationship with JWs because I was a missionary for my church and they were our only competitors - no other church had the balls to go out on the doorstep. This site gives a good view of the church because there are no agenda's or party lines to follow - no one here is simply reading a pre written text. When I first came I saw some stuff about the LDS church that was wrong / undefended so I wanted to post. I've lurked here for over a year all the time looking for the why's and the how's that people leave - I have the job of keeping people faithful remember I'm still an active LDS Elder's Quorum President. Am I subtly taking digs at the JWs? - perhaps, old habits die hard but most of the time I'm just asking honest simple questions to fill the gaps in my knowledge. And finally why are my posts all unformatted? - because most of the time I use Firefox - down with Microsoft!

NewLight2

Qcmbr,

To make paragraphs, just check the 'box'
Automatic Cr/Lf

It is located at the bottom of the bottom of the 'repy box'

But you should be able to format your posts by hand using HTML
Just leave this box checked and uncheck the above box.

I'm using an old version of Netscape.

To make links - use html

Hope this helps,

NewLight2

Tashawaa

Qcmbr,

This site gives a good view of the church because there are no agenda's or party lines to follow - no one here is simply reading a pre written text.

Everyone is welcome here!

BUT, I need to say this... you come to an x-jw site (mostly) for the above reasons, YET you said that you won't look at any x-mormon sites?!?!?! You prefer your religion's "pre written text". Why don't you lurk at some of your x-LDS sites and get the "no agenda's or party lines" from those in-the-know of your religion?!??!?

Frankly, my impression of you is that of a cultist "peeking" in on the x-cultists of another cult. First time I looked at an x-jw site (and I was an active, loyal jw) I got all nervous, stomach in a knot, scared... but at least I had the guts to check out my own religion's x's.

Maybe, who knows this might be one of your first baby steps in critically analyzing your own religion.

Golf

Qcmbr, we're only human. Yes, it touches our inner soul when something of this experience happens to us.

Golf

Double Edge

I just got an email from someone who played a really formative part of my life who's since left the LDS church

hmmmm, maybe he has things to learn on his life's journey that needs to be experienced outside of that religion ... that shouldn't change the way you feel about your "faith" or your friendship, it's just his "quest". Stay a true friend ...

btw... Crap isn't really a bad word here (a least not in California) ... just several notches up from sh*t.

GetBusyLiving

Yeah thats the thing with Qcmbr. Its like he's content to just live in his bubble of JW vs.LDS and not really entertain the facts that his religion is just as f**ked up as the witnesses doctrinally. No offence man but I think I can speak for a lot of people here in saying that we don't have much respect for anyone that isnt willing to challenge their belifes when they are faced with concrete logic and evidence against them..

GBL

bebu

I can imagine a bit of how that might feel, too. I guess it seems like one of the ways you have shared values and goals has been cut, when your friend left the LDS church. But... perhaps not. Do you think that every ex-JW here (in heart--some are not DF'd yet) hates truth? It is almost always because the JW 'truth' is exposed as cheap plastic at heart that they leave. They believe (rightly, imo) that truth should be a lot stronger than this. Some stay theists, or even become Christians, and others follow other paths. Maybe they are exchanging one plastic for another for the while... but at least they are looking and testing!

I think that it is strange that you hide from the challenges that ex-LDS pose. What if a householder were to present to you the things discussed on those boards? I myself have asked unusual questions to LDS missionaries (nice guys, btw), esp. about the Book of Abraham, but have only gotten total despairing answers ("We just don't know how that could be...").

Strong faith doesn't mean hiding! It means a commitment to the truth, and a trust that God will not despise you for that.

bebu

PS: http://www.irr.org/mit/Book-of-Abraham-page.html

Not an ex-Mormon discussion site, but provides a starting point about for the BOA issue.

Crap that hurts! Talking to an ex-LDS

Share this