Crap that hurts! Talking to an ex-LDS

Qcmbr

I just got an email from someone who played a really formative part of my life who's since left the LDS church (my rose tinted spectacles) and it really hurts. This is why I don't go to ex-LDS sites. Its wierd - a lot of you as posters are at the other end of the tunnel - having left/escaped - but it sure as heck feels gut wrenching when your still 'in' and someone you care about leaves. I guess religions have the power to bind us much closer to people emotionally and relationship wise (and I think that's a great aspect of religion whatever else people may criticise about it) - where the challenge is when that bond is broken -its a little bit like a mini death I think. Ah well I'm off to mope around the house for a bit:(

Qcmbr

oops sorry , just remembered c**p is a bad word in the US - sorry!

LittleToe

Think about the terminology "leave".
What have they left?

They surely haven't actually "left" anything, they're just reconsidered their religious choices, as is their right. They are the same person, with the same friends and family. Why should they be viewed differently, just because they go someplace else to worship. Would you feel the same way if they'd just moved 20 miles down the road and now attended another temple?

Would you feel as hurt if they had been a work colleague and changed jobs to another career stream, even though you would still be able to socialise with them?

If your religious base is so exclusive that it cannot tolerate those who "leave", what does that indicate about your religion and/or you?

You have an opportunity to make something of yourself, here, by getting beyond the black and white thinking of cult membership. Why not set aside the "hurt" and be the friend that you think you are (in a non-judgemental way, without the aim of "winning them back").

LT, of the "Just passing through collecting my PMs" class

Qcmbr

Don't get me wrong I (we)dont do shunning. Its OK I'm still going to keep in touch.

under74

I'm with LT on this, you can't put conditions on your friendship...those that do are never really interested in friendship. You may be disappointed and hurt but if you're a true friend you'll get over it and accept that your friend has started on a different path.

Good to see you pass through LittleToe.

LittleToe

I'm still, here, but about to wander off...
(Under74 )

So why do you feel so hurt.
You may find it theraputic to discuss this, so please take the opportunity, while the feelings are fresh.
Also:

How will this affect your relationship?
How will they be viewed by the "church"?
How will you truly be viewed if you continue associating with them?
What's at the bottom of your feelings?
Why are you grieving - what have you "lost"?
Do you have an opinion on them having "lost" something?
Why is this so distressing?
Is any of this attributable to your JW experience?
Is any of this fostered by your current religious environment?

You strike me as a genuine soul. Candid answers to these and other questions may help you get a straighter picture.
Good luck, on the road that is life

(Oh, and btw, I have LDS KJV, BOM, D+C, and POGP (just love the book of Abraham, especially when I researched it's source after a "burning heart" experience directed me that way)

kwintestal

What reasons did your friend give for leaving?

Kwin

Qcmbr

I never asked why he left - I thought I'd let him tell me if and when he wants to. The church itself will still send out 'home teachers' to vist periodically until either my friend actually has his name removed or requests no visits (even that isn't enough normally!) If anyone from the church sees him in teh street they will treat him just the same as before they'll probably just avoid talking about church.

gumby

I haven't quite figured you out. You feel hurt your "in" and your friend exited your religion. You stay away from LDS sites because it hurts to read what they say about your faith......yet you come to a site who exposes a faith they exited ......The Jehovahs Witnesses.

How do you benifit from this site? Does not this site also expose your religion in that they are so much like the witnesses that you choose to come here? Why?

Gumby

new light

Oh, and Gumby, don't forget that Mr. Cuke likes to subtly deride the WTS, while at the same time happily remaining a member of a similar cult. I'd like some answers too, before I make an uninformed judgement. So, Q, why do you post here?

Crap that hurts! Talking to an ex-LDS

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