want to get close to people but always back off !!!

boy@crossroads

Hey everybody,

who has experienced this : ever since leaving the jw's, i've been trying to make "worldy" (I hate that word !!) associates. I think I have done a pretty good job of leaving my comfort zone as I have visited other churches, met and hung out with other students from school, etc...

However, my relationships always feel awkward after the the 1st couple of times associating with them. IT'S LIKE THE 1ST FEW TIMES ASSOCIATING IS OK. ITS A NOVELTY. IT'S SOMETHING NEW. FINE. BUT SOMETHING WITHIN ME WON'T LET THEM GET ANY CLOSER. I hate to admit it, but I think i have some trust issues. RIGHT NOW AT LEAST.

stillajwexelder

I suspected this while studying so I still kept "worldly family" and friends close -so now that I am fading it is not a problem - yes TRUST is not easy is it/ Wehn we have been taught/indoctrinated that worldly people are bad

Elsewhere

Yup... I had that real bad when I first left.... and I'm still working on it to this day.

Bryan

I know exactly what you mean. It was tough for me too, when I left the first time, back in the mid 80's. I just felt so awkward. Time will help, I'm sure.

Take care and enjoy life!

Bryan

Have You Seen My Mother

boy@crossroads

THAT SUCKS, ELSEWHERE !!

For me I think a whole lot of the problem lies in the control I continue to let the jw's have over my mind and personal judgement. I think if I erased the jws from my mind (hypothetically) then I wouldn't view people as a threat so much.

However, with the jw mentality and programming I always seem to have a hard time seeing people as more than just insignificant satan worshippers. THERE I SAID IT. THE LONGER I AM AWARE FROM THE JWS I CONTINUE TO BE AMASED HOW CRAZY MY THOUGHTS ARE !!

( APPRECIATE THE PROBLEMS YOU'VE GIVEN ME, BETHEL HEADQUATERS GOOD JOB !!!! )

New Worldly Translation

Yeah I've had those exact same thoughts too and I'm still working on them. It does take time to develop deep friendships though so don't give up. That's what I tell myself. Were all your friends as well

talesin

It seems to me that it's only natural to have trust issues.

Did you grow up JW? Then, you've been lied to since birth. Your whole belief system was a lie. It makes sense that this would give you a distorted sense of who you can trust.

Learning how to build trust over time is something we were not taught as JWs. We were indoctrinated to think "If they are in the Truth (TM), trust them. If they are worldly, they are NOT to be trusted". Now that you know this thinking is wrong, you need to learn a whole new set of social skills. You also need to learn how to trust yourself before you can trust others.

After all, if the basic belief system you were taught since birth was a lie, how can you trust yourself to determine whether or not someone is lying to you now?

So, now is a time of intense learning and hard work, but it will have immense rewards. You have the freedom to explore (as you have said you are doing), but also the responsibility to yourself to learn how to live in the real world successfully.

You'll get there. Recognizing that you have these trust issues is, as far as I'm concerned, 50% of the battle. Good for you! You're well on your way to leaving JW-think far behind.

under74

I've been out for awhile and have friends now....but I still struggle with it. I think it was just drilled into me since I was raised a JW.

boy@crossroads

Were all your friends as well

THANK YOU NEW WORLD !!

WHEN I DECIDED TO LEAVE THE JWS I THOUGHT THAT MAKING FRIENDS WOULD BE EASY BUT WHAT I FAILED TO REALIZE IS THAT IT IS HARDER WHEN YOU LESS THINGS IN COMMON WITH THEM.

ALL OF US HERE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON !!

lilybird

After being raised as a JW from a child , I had serious trust issues when I left the org. Its true the org really programmes you to fear what is outside of the little world of the JWs. Sometimes I still have a little nagging fear, Its so silly really. It helps to hear others struggle with it as well. But, I have made some really good friends who were never JWs. Friends who are friends because they like you, not because you all belong to the same organization and they have to. Its scary to think how the society can control your thoughts . I am sure a loving God would not like people to worship him this way, out of fear and control by other people- who call themselves spokesmen of god. There is a lot of good out in the world, don't be afraid to go out and find it!!

want to get close to people but always back off !!!

Share this