I'm 21 years old and currently in a relationship with a baptised JW. I have been studying with the JWs for 2 years before we met. Well, I have to admit, I did not enjoy studying with them until about 10 months ago when I became interested of digging the "truth" although it means my sources was only the JW. 5 months ago I met my boyfriend in a visit to Bethel. I did not know him that much yet I agreed that we could establish a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and use the time that we are together to know each other. Recently, I have been discussing with my brother about the JW(my family members are not JWs) and he suggested that I'd do a research about the JW and he concluded that after I'm done, I would be convinced that none of the religions are true. I agreed to do research and found about this site(been to freeminds.com too)...my gosh...it was hard to accept the things the exJWs say about the organization because I have to admit, I swallowed up everything the JW told me, about blood transfusion, disfellowshipping, etc...etc...Now I am confused, the elders have approved of my being an unbaptized publisher (before I begun to have doubts) and my boyfriend is expecting me to get baptised. When I asked him what quality he loves about me the most, he told me...number one,you serve Jehovah. He told me that before we met he had no plans of courting a non-JW because he always felt guilty before (because he had a non-JW girlfriend) when he attended meetings. He broke up with his first girlfriend because she was a non-JW although he claimed she's a good person. He is my first boyfriend...you may say 5 months is too fast but I really love him. Now that I do have doubts about the organization, I still plan to attend meetings but certainly I do not have plans of getting attached or baptised. I haven't told my boyfriend of my doubts...I'm so afraid...I've been with JWs for quite a long time and they do have that pride...they think they are the only truth. I'm thinking I'l just let him find his own doubts(I hope it will happen) because if I would be the one to initiate it, I would be labeled bad association. I do not want to leave him until he tells me to. I cannot think of a good excuse if he ask me why am I deferring my baptism.
confused Im a non JW and my boyfriend is one of the JWs
by sun_dae 34 Replies latest social relationships
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GetBusyLiving
I hate to say this, and it might sound harsh, but you guys are probably doomed. The JW's are a destructive Christian cult. He technically should not be having anything to do with you since you are not a baptised witness anyway.. all I can say is keep your eyes open and keep researching. It's sad and its a really tough spot you are in. These people don't have anything close to the truth and if you get forced into baptism your life will never be the same.
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the_classicist
When I asked him what quality he loves about me the most, he told me...number one,you serve Jehovah.
I hate to say this, but do you really wan't a relationship base upon conditional love?
I do not want to leave him until he tells me to. I cannot think of a good excuse if he ask me why am I deferring my baptism.
Well, I'll get all feminist on you. Sister, you've got to do things for yourself. If you want to keep in a religion just because a man wants you to, do you think that you will feel good with yourself because of it.
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Golf
I'm going to speak in behalf of my wife of 42 years. Though we've know each other since childhood, NO! My love for sports didn't help.
Your in love? Hmmmmmm, I'll let the experienced ladies handle that one for me.
Golf -
JustTickledPink
You actually might have true love, but if you can't be HONEST with him and talk about your thoughts or feelings because he might break up with you, then you can never truly be loved for who you are.
You can try to present him with some doubts, facts, questions and see what happens, you might even open him up and let him see the REAL truth about "the truth" but unless you are honest with him, your relationship will never be whole.
I sympathize with you, I can't imagine loving someone and being afraid to talk about anything openly.
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Xyron
I'm not quite sure why you're calling yourself a non-witness dating a witness when you were studying before having met him and have continued to do so after meeting him.
As far as the things you've read online, keep in mind that people can say whatever they want online and don't have to worry about any consequences. So take these things with a grain of salt. Just because you read about something doesn't mean it's true. Any disgruntled ex-witness could stroll onto a forum like this and claim all sorts of abuse and corruption on the part of the society and you wouldn't be any the wiser.
If you don't enjoy your studying and you don't believe what you're being taught, then why in the world are you attending or planning on attending meetings? Look over the information and if it doesn't seem right to you then don't just go along with it. If you don't feel at home in your particular congregation either go to a different one or just leave.
I personally believe what the Jehovah's Witnesses teach but what can I tell you? If you don't believe it yourself then don't just go along with it. Best thing you can possibly do is read the bible yourself and draw your own conclusions. If you're worried that the society is printing slanted literature then don't use their bible, get a NIV or some other bible translation and study out of it. Just keep in mind that the bible is a very large book translated from manuscripts in more than half a dozen languages. Some translations may be written to portray how the translator THINKS the original text is written. Thus don't use a translation written by people you don't trust. If you don't trust the society, don't use their translation. If you don't trust the society, then who do you trust? Use their(the people you do trust) bible. Honestly the best route to go is to use many different bible translations. The variations in many bibles will make it blindingly apparent how differently the bible texts can be interpretted.
Considering you are in a relationship situation then it might me a good idea to speak with him and get his take on things. Tell him you're having doubts and rather than consult total strangers you'd rather talk to someone you feel you can trust. Tell him exactly what things you have your doubts about and let him answer them. If you really do trust him he shouldn't lie to you or try to mislead you. If you don't think he'll give you honest answers then why are you even bothering to date him? And if you really have dug up some signifigant information that would make people doubt the religion then he should see that when he tries to answer your questions and doubts. If he totally seperates himself from you because you have doubts instead of trying to find answers with you then you shouldn't date that kind of person anyway. -
stillajwexelder
Sorry to ask a personal question which is none of my business - but have you had any sexual liason yet with this JW boyfriend yet? The question is relevant - trust me -
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undercover
As far as the things you've read online, keep in mind that people can say whatever they want online and don't have to worry about any consequences. So take these things with a grain of salt. Just because you read about something doesn't mean it's true.
The same goes for fundamentalist doomsday adventist religions
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Xyron
I said "thing's people say online" which means anything people say online. Obviously I was referring to anti-witness information specifically but that goes for ANY and ALL online info, it can all be easily faked. I recall a specific incident a few years back where an email was circulating that claimed chiquita(sp?) bananas had flesh eating bacteria on them and it actually caused millions of people to stop buying bananas for a while. Made the company loose a lot of money over time....was it true? Not in the least. So could Jehovah's Witnesses or "fundamentalist doomsday adventist religions" lie over the internet too? Sure, why not? Anyone can lie over the internet. That's why I suggested getting first hand answers, either by talking to their boyfriend/girlfriend or reading it right from the bible.
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jgnat
First of all, the confusion is a natural reaction to what is happening. Up to a very short time ago, you were confident in your plans, you had your future all mapped out for you, and the man that you love approved of everything you were doing. Now you know there are going to be a bunch of people disappointed in you. Not your family perhaps, but the people who studied with you, the elders, and certainly your boyfriend.
The confusion comes from knowing that your heart is no longer in the "plan". But you want your boyfriend. But if you are open about your misgivings, you might lose him. But you don't want to lose your boyfriend. But maybe he will read what you have read and come to the same conclusion you did and leave the society and come with you and you both live happily ever after. Or maybe he gets upset and breaks off your relationship. But you love your boyfriend and don't want to lose him.
Tough call, isn't it? Now that you have new information and you are no longer interested in becoming part of the Watchtower machine, you have a choice.
Will you be brave and be true to yourself? Do you have the heart to disappoint people you formerly admired? Can you risk losing your boyfriend?
or
You can swallow your doubts, go through the motions, get baptized, get married, and never introduce your husband to your true self. In this second option, you betray your own soul.
I am speaking as a fortysomething mature woman, non-JW, married to one. You must not betray your own true self. Be brave enough to be real to everyone you meet. The man you love, especially, must love the real you. As soon as you can, resolve to tell this man who you love what you believe in your heart of hearts. Let him see you for who you really are. If he leaves you, he does you a favour. If he stays, you know he loves you more than the religion.
I really liked this comment from the_classicist
Well, I'll get all feminist on you. Sister, you've got to do things for yourself. If you want to keep in a religion just because a man wants you to, do you think that you will feel good with yourself because of it.