So Confused

by troubled 35 Replies latest jw friends

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  Had Enough

  My dear troubled: WELCOME

  I'm so glad you found us. Many here have already given you such great thoughts that come from the heart...I can attest to that. You join many of us who have gone, or are going, through the same turmoil and sad to say, the one source we should be getting comfort and help from is sadly lacking in that category.

  They (the spiritual leaders) lack both the expertise and the time to deal with this issue of depression, and the members of the congs. also are bombarded with WTS-enforced duties that leave them without the time to give you, or even to think about how to help anyone in your situation. (Many of them are likely fighting the same feelings and hiding them inside too)

  But PLEASE, be assured you are not alone when you said:
  

  What scares me the most is this: what if I find out that the Truth, this foundation I've built my last 15 years on, isn't what I thought it was? My whole life would be uprooted. I don't know if I could handle that, or where would I go from there.

  I was scared too...many of us were, and yes you will find out that the "truth" is not the truth. I felt my whole foundation crumble as I found out provable facts, not lies, about the false teachings we were lead to believe came from God.

  I cried, paced, got angry and then cried somemore, but I've been getting stronger each day I come here (which is daily) because now I feel relieved to know the real truth and I'm still learning. It's invigorating, and now I feel spurred on the see the WTS feel the effects of the exposure of their skeletons. Yes, there are many skeletons and I can assure you, you will feel liberated after the initial shock of finding out how much you didn't know about "our precious, one and only true religion".

  But please, please don't protect that which is adding to, if not causing, the biggest part of your depression. The WTS has to stand on its own 2 feet and take their lumps for their negligence in "caring for God's possessions". A trained therapist will help you work through what is troubling you but can't do a complete job if you hold back info on the whole picture...and the WTS probably is the biggest part of that picture.

  You also said:
  

  Sometimes, I wish I had never become depressed. Life was simpler then, black and white. I never really got upset, and nothing ever bothered me. At least, it didn't seem to. But maybe I wasn't living in reality.

  You've hit the nail on the head with your last sentence.

  Ignoring reality doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

  Please email me too if you so wish...I've been helped, encouraged, strengthened by, and have felt more love from many here.

  The very fact that so many come here after they have left the org and stay on, when they could be doing other things with their lives and their time, says alot about what kind of people are here...people that have been where you are now, and have a deep desire to help you and others feel better.

  You will feel better too!

  I call myself "Had Enough' for obvious reasons. I simply couldn't take it anymore.
• 

  CPiolo

  Troubled:

  Know that you are not alone. My wife is a JW and is in a similar emotional/pschological state. I don't know how she feels the Organization contributes to this. I am not a JW and she doesn't share much about how she feels her participation and/or what the Society teaches and publishes contribute to her situation. I do notice that she has been missing more and more meetings lately. She also had the need to seek professional help many years ago and ended up leaving the Organization for many years.

  The professional help you've sought is a big first step and others have already provided good insight and advice about that. I wish you all the best on your road to recovery.

  I do take issue with one thing Seeker said:

  They know about religious systems in general, and JWs in particular, and how these systems can impact a persons outlook.

  While most mental health professionals know religious systems in general, many probably are not familiar with JWs and their particular outlook. I have a couple friends who are pschologists, and they both told me I should let my wife's therapist know about her religious perspective because it wasn't something normally screened for when making a diagnosis of a patient. You might share with your therapist what you've shared with us here regarding those things about the Watchtower that cause you concern.

  Again, all the best on the road to recovery.

  Peace and blessings,

  CPiolo
• 

  wasasister

  Not much I can add to the foregoing. I think you'll agree, most everyone here will make any effort possible to help you though this difficult stage in your personal growth, even if all we can do is listen and say, "Yeah! Me too!"

  I came here asking the same questions you are asking. I did not get absolute answers, for which I am now grateful. What I got was encouragement to find my own answers, and direction to sources of information. I stay in the hopes that my experiences may be of help to someone else.

  Three years ago, I was in free-fall after the "foundation" of everything I had ever known was suddenly not there. It wasn't exactly easy, but I did survive and I am much better off than when I was living in a false dream.

  Please accept the invitations to correspond with others personally. No doubt one or more of them have had circumstances very similar to yours and might be able to offer insight and comfort. Also, consider joining the chat sometime. You'll find it entertaining and a nice way to visit with others.

  I'm going to add my address:
  [email protected]

  Wasasister
• 

  waiting

  Hello Troubled,

  As with the others - welcome. And as with some others - I was in therepy for over 5 years (jw for 30 years) about childhood problems.

  A curiosity kept coming up though - the elders, the congregation, not good enough, my children in the org. etc. I really didn't want to talk negatively about The Truth, or how would my therepist ever come into The Truth? In reality, we very seldom tell outsiders the downside of being a jw. Here I was, spending $100 for 55 minutes to tell her negative things about "Jehovah's Organization."

  But it helped, and I figured she was a Big Girl. She was, and I was able to "just talk freely." Well worth the $100 for 55 minutes. (I do think we should get the whole hour, however.)

  I agree with the poster who said to outline to your therepist what the jw's *really* teach and live about shunning, df'ing, da'ing, love among ourselves, what we think of worldly people, etc. We don't talk to outsiders about *such things.*

  A lot of us have suffered from clinical depression - nothing to mess around with. But the work necessary to enjoy living again is worth it. Perhaps your husband can join you in a couple of sessions, when you all think it might work out?

  Again, welcome here, and a lot of us have so similiar backgrounds, and have found a place to share openly.

  waiting

  ps - Like a real family, we have our spats also. Most of us learn to click in and out of threads that interest/don't interest us. Have fun exploring.
• 

  troubled

  To All of You,

  Thanks to those of you who responded to my posting. It means alot that you would care enough to do that for me. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. I really do.

  I appreciate those of you who gave me your email address and invited me to correspond. Maybe at some point I will. Right now, I just can't seem to. I feel so scared and frozen. I hope you understand.

  What will help me most at this point is what you are already doing: taking the time to read and respond. I don't care if your responses are repetitious.

  Right now, I just need to know you are out there, even if I can't see your faces.

  Again, thank you. Your concern moves me to tears.
• 

  waiting

  Hey Troubled,

  moves me to tears.

  As your words move me. There's so much knowledge to rebuild your thinking about God, heaven, earth, Satan, the Society, etc. Knowledge that you can freely choose to accept, or keep looking. Not necessarily doing away with your existing knowledge - just the freedom to add, to question, to delve.

  While conversing on forums such as this one, I developed the ability to articulate an argument without just saying "The Society says......" or "if your conscience allows you......" or whatever the popular trite saying is going around.

  We learn we can read whatever we want about science, evolution, history, sex - whatever!

  But it boggles the mind at first, in all honesty. But there is sunshine, lots of it. Trust us on that one, ok?

  Take care.

  waiting
• 

  reagan_oconnor

  Troubled: We're so glad you found us! Welcome!

  why they spend so much time trying to help people in the door to door work, but let longtime JW's in the congregation struggle and fall through the cracks?

  They already *have* you, you're dedicated and baptized and therefore committed. Why should they work on you when there are converts to be made? Sad, but true.

  what if I find out that the Truth, this foundation I've built my last 15 years on, isn't what I thought it was? My whole life would be uprooted. I don't know if I could handle that, or where would I go from there.

  Reading this brought tears to my eyes; I suffered through this very same thing less than 2 years ago. I was a JW for 20 years; I believed everything I was taught, never questioned anything. After I started doing research and finding out some things about the Witnesses, I wanted to stop! It was easier to believe that everything was OK with the Witnesses and that *I* was the one with the problem than it was to face the facts and take a good, hard look at my personal relationship with God.

  I was devastated. The foundation of my belief in God was shaken to its very core. But through serious prayer and Bible study, I have begun to rebuild. And though I'm not there yet (there are some issues that I haven't even *begun* to deal with)I'm doing just fine. I feel better than I thought I would. My husband is very supportive of my search for God and respectful of the difficult time I'm having.

  Sometimes I cry uncontrollably for what I have lost; my parents no longer speak to me, my relationship with my siblings is strained at best, lifelong friends do not know or care if I am dead or alive. But truth --real truth, honest truth, not the truth that is prepackaged and sold door to door-- is good. It's hard, but it's good.

  Peace on you and yours; please stay around, feel free to gripe and yell and scream and cry... but stay around. It's good for the soul.

  Cheers,
  Reagan

  
  I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul.
• 

  Fredhall

  Troubled,

  Many do face depressions and other mental disorders. The brothers probably don't understand what you going through however Jehovah does.
  If so, you need to approach him with prayer meetings and his word. He is there with open arms 24 hours a day. Plus, going to a doctor doesn't hurt too.
• 

  Ustabee

  To Confused:

  There are many of us around here in the same boat with you. I spent 22 years in the WTS and served as an elder for several years. I was D/F'd when I approached the elders and confessed a serious sin. I needed help and mercy, instead I got the proverbial serpent.

  Your case sounds like so many others we confronted. Some elder bodies can barely cope with their own problems, let alone deal with someone who is dealing with clinical depression. Other bodies try, but fall short because of many reasons. Inflexible rules that noone can really follow to the letter being the main one. Another is that there is just no time. Having been an elder, the body has little or no time for any real shepherding work. The schedule of a publisher is hard enough, but the schedule for an elder is punishing on him and his family.

  After I was D/F'd, I thought for a long time that I would eventually return, but then I stumbled across the variety of web sites with the information that the Society doesn't want us to know. I no longer desire to have anything to do with the WTS. I, too, was hurt and confused when I began to realize just what the real situation has turned out to be. Most of us here have devoted years and in some cases, decades to serving an organization that has proven that it is not divinely directed, after all.

  It hurts, because you think of yourself as an intelligent, clear minded individual who 'proved' to themselves that JW's were the only truth. Then you discover that 'it ain't so!' There is life after the WT, Confused, believe me! I went through months of bitterness and regret. My daughter helped me most of all when she said, "Dad, you may think you wasted all those years, but actually, you are the person you are because of all of your life experiences. You are a caring and sensitive person and you will come out of this better off than you were."

  So, I guess my point is, Confused; You have to keep plugging, but you will find out that so many things you used to accept as immutable fact are not fact at all. Be prepared for that and know that most of us have gone through the same thing. And survived!
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  Fredhall

  Ustabee,

  What a big help you are!