It's real. I was disfellowshipped and the process of reinstatement was derailed by pompous, grandstanding elders refusing to either hand over jurisdiction to the congregation I was attending (for a year!) or to readmit me on their own. In fact, I wrote to them twice, trying to get them to meet with me and consider my application for reinstatement, and they never contacted me in return. The local elders had to contact them, and basically force them to meet with me. And then the elder body denied my reinstatement application anyway. They were horrible, stupid men, and it is indicative of the rot that is festering in that religion that they had so much power over me, my actions, my social life, and my future.
I just re-read that paragraph and realize I'd better put it all in chronological order for somebody who wasn't there, for clarity's sake and to EMPHASIZE THE POINT that Disfellowshipping is a real evil.
August 1998 - I move to Pitt Greensburg, PA, to finish my degree. I attend the Jeanette Congregation for over a year, auxiliary pioneering on occasion, and being offered certain privileges like microphone handling and counter work with the magazines.
November 1999 - Having never missed a meeting, or failed to comment or prepare for a study... I still run into spiritual "difficulties" with a young lady. My actions lead me to confess my guilty conscience (not even anything really bad, per se) to an elder I trusted. He puts together a judicial committee, and they meet with me. On their advice, I break off my relationship with the young lady. Her subsequent actions lead me to believe that breaking her heart was a bigger sin than anything I had done with her. In any case, I am privately reproved and denied the "privilege" of commenting at meetings. My study declines sharply at this point. What the hell is the point of underlining the paragraphs if I can't comment?
December 1999 - Drunk Glory Evening. Heh heh heh. However, my guilt for this event again led me to confess and seek help with my wayward libido. They meet with me, and decide to postpone decision until I return from winter break.
January 2000 - I have made changes. I was going to commute from home, so as to avoid the association that led me into so much trouble - a commute of 37 miles each way! These were the lengths I was prepared to go to in order to "demonstrate repentance". Stupid of me, really, in retrospect. January 19, 2000, the true New Millenium begins with my disfellowshipping. I finish out the term in a depressed, panicky haze. I try to attend meetings, but without a car (and nobody willing to risk contamination by picking me up) I put it on hold and focus on my studies. Oddly, my grades are the highest they've ever been.
May 2000 - I graduate and move home. I get an internship at the Pittsburgh Public Theater, working in the Education and Outreach department. My confused stance regarding issues as political neutrality, blood, etc. leads to ostracism at work. I am used to being rejected by the world, but what hurts more is the fact that my home congregation, the place I grew up, the place full of people I loved and thought loved me - won't even acknowledge me. I relentlessly attend meetings, study for them, staying in the back.
September 2000 - It being the custom, I am told, for elder bodies to reach out to those disfellowshipped and seek to help them towards reinstatement, I write a letter to the Jeanette congregation asking to meet with them. I never get a reply.
November 2000 - the local elder body, impressed with my attendance and motivated by genuine affection for me, ask me to write to Jeanette once again, seeking a reinstatement hearing. They tell me that it is traditional to let the disfellowshipping commitee handle reinstatements wherever possible. Since Jeanette is only 37 miles away, it seems that they should hear me out. They do not reply to my letter.
February 2001 - the local body contacts the Jeanette congregation and applies pressure to meet with me. We schedule a meeting. I leave work early, wear a suit, and carry my Bible. The Jeanette elders are wearing casual clothing and have to borrow my Bible in order to read me a scripture. There is no prayer offered. They deny my reinstatement. From this point on, my efforts are greatly reduced. I am too tired to keep going to meetings. It is interesting to note that the meetings actually become physically painful for me after this. It is an effect that recurs in many disfellowshipped ones. I interpret this as being God's Holy Spirit condemning me. (I later put quite a different interpretation on my physical rejection of the meetings).
After a summer in Oklahoma, I return and move in with my girlfriend, intermittently attending meetings, but always running into the physical agony that makes listening to the talks completely impossible.
I take a night shift job at a local hospital. Between baths and crises, I can surf the web. I land here. I learn the troof about the truth and find my spiritual center. From start to finish, my disfellowshipping had complete and utter control over me for about 2 and 1/2 years, during which at any point I would have returned had I been offered the opportunity. I was not.
Now that I no longer believe, I have no problems confronting JW's I meet, and roundly condemning anyone who says that they are God's chosen people (like e-watchman). They are not. They do not have the truth, and only a few evil people can make it incredibly difficult for honest hearted ones.
CZAR
