i think one thing that people who are trying to get close to god need to understand is that not everything that the bible says is something that will be in perfect harmony with our lives, as we are living them at this moment, or possibly for a very long time. is it fun to restrict ourselves from having contact with certain people whom we may deeply love and respect because they have done something that is against god's principles? of course not. it's never enjoyable to stay away from people that we love. but the thing about disfellowshipping is that it doesn't happen without the coaperation of the person who's actually getting disfellowshipped. the only way that action is taken is if that person has talked to the elders about something that they have done and they didn't show a repentant attitude about it. if they didn't want to talk to the elders then they don't have to do it and as long as they don't, they won't be disfellowshipped. of course it's hard to stay regular at the meetings and not wind up talking to them, if they have found out things or heard things already. but actually being disfellowshipped isn't something that happens without the cooaperation of the actual person being disfellowshipped.
of course of you decide to just stop going to meetings or disassociate yourself then it is a conscience matter for everyone who are still witnesses of god, about weather or not they want to associate themselves with you. they are not required to "shun" you. it is encouraged not much social contact is had with someone who has left the truth because it's just not healthy for someone trying to keep themselves on track with studies and such. sinful tendicies are within all of us. it is very easy to do the wrong thing. it's hard enough to avoid it when we keep good company, never mind when we keep the company of people who aren't in the same mind frame as we are with god's princibles and values. i would never stay away from someone because i don't think they're worthy of my company, but i would try to keep my distance if i felt that certain people might influence me to do things that i know i dont' want to do or just make it much easier to have the wrong things in my head. i want to surround myself with people who have the same things in mind as i do becasue it's taken me a long time to turn my life around and i don't want to fall back into the same pattens i used to be in. i look at it a lot like when someone is an alcoholic or becomes addicted to a drug. if i used to drink to an unhealthy degree and have figured out that drinking is unhealthy for me in my life, then i would need to stop doing it altogether in order to become a healthy individual again. well, if i made that discovery in my life, then why would i hang out with a bunch of people who regularly go out to the bars every weekend? now, if those people don't have a drinking problem and aren't leading an unhealthy lifestyle, why shouldn't they go out to bars if they want to? there is nothing wrong with them and they are not bad people, but it would just be unhealthy for me to be in that enviornment, so therefore, it would be logical for me to not spend so much time with them. does that make sense?
now, i'm not saying that every single jehovah's witness makes all the right decisions all the time. they are all humans. some elders are on a power trip, just like some publishers have problems in their lives with this or that. yes, the elders are supposed to be exemplamary and really be there for us and most of all be examples as how we should be and be more there to help us then anything else, but they are still humans just like all of us and mistakes are made. we just need to do the best we can do to be the best people we can be and live up to god's standards for us as best as we can, despite any one else or what they may do. sometimes things happen that aren't fair, but leaving god's organization and to stop serving him how we know he wants to be served isn't the answer and it isn't going to help anyone to see things any better. we have to keep going on and doing the best we can despite everyone else and know that god will see our efforts and he is the only one who matters in this whole equation. his opinion is the only one that matters. is that easy? no. not always. unfair things are going to keep on happening and if we stop serving god every time something unfair happens then in about a week everyone in the whole world will have forgotten about god.
so, yes, disfellowshipping does happen, but if you stop trying to find reasons why it's horrible and start trying to see the ways its' benificial and understand the actual circumstances it happens under you'll see that it happens for a reason and it a complete last resort. it's the last thing that god or anyone in the congragations wants to happen. it's not easy to be one of god's people and to live your life according to the things god expects of us. its' possible, but not easy. but if we really want to do it and we really believe that the bible is god's word and that the way that god has set out of us to be is really the best way to live then we will spend the rest of our lives trying. we won't stop sinning, but we'll be trying out best to please god as best we can, and that's all god expects of us is to do the best we can.
i know this response comes far after your question, but i hope it makes sense to you.