by lonelysheep 40 Replies latest jw friends
One of my former bs conductors and her husband decided when they got married, they wouldn't have any kids 'in this system'. I know the world could be better, but I see no reason not to have children if that's what your wishes really are....and you're able to for that matter. She just turned 34 and really wants to have a child.
Did you or anyone you know subscribe to this thought, and what was the end result? Were you/they happy with this decision?
(Matthew 24:19) 19
Woe to the pregnant women and those suckling a baby in those days!
Who'd want to have a kid when the sky is falling?
I think this was/is something strongly encouraged to young couples as kids will detract from the preaching. Not to mention all the expense involved. Ask any parent though if they're glad they didn't heed the advice, you'll get few who say they're not.
Kwin
Yes, my ex wife and I subscribed to this thought. Now I'm out of the org and separated. No kids, and since I'm going on 47 I think it's safe to say I'll never have any.
What a waste of a life!
Walter
One of my former bs conductors and her husband decided when they got married, they wouldn't have any kids 'in this system'. I know the world could be better, but I see no reason not to have children if that's what your wishes really are....and you're able to for that matter. She just turned 34 and really wants to have a child.Did you or anyone you know subscribe to this thought, and what was the end result? Were you/they happy with this decision?
Haha! Funny you mention this, it recently came up as an issue for me. A few of the sisters in the hall recently made the remark that they'd decided not to have children "in this system". Being that I have 2 children, I had to ask what the deal is. Both said that they don't want to bring children up in "Satan's system" because of all of the pressures, as well as because of the very conflicts I am currently facing (transfusion or no, for example). Ah .. so the truth comes out - it's real easy to tell someone not to allow their children to have a tranfusion when you will never face that decision yourself, and you specifically choose not to have children to avoid that very decision. Heh.
The one sister I talked to about it the other day got very choked up while talking about her and her husband's decision not to have children "in this system". She said she desperately loves and wants children, and if she got pregnant she'd be happy. It seemed to me that this is one decision she struggles with, bigtime. I think that is the case for many who also make this decision - the sister said it is a "huge sacrifice" to decide not to have children when you want them, but it keeps her and her husband free to dedicate themselves to the ministry and traveling "where the need is greater" if necessary. I don't know. The conversation led me to feel that these people are making martyrs out of themselves, and are not truly happy making this decision. But that's just my take on it.
I couldn't imagine my life without my kids. My husband and I knew we wanted kids from day one - and "this system" or not, raising a family together is a beautiful, unifying, joyful experience. Ah yes, the same sister said she was told that when you have children it changes your relationship with your husband, you see him very differently, you love him differently. She said she wishes she could experience that deepening of her love for him. I honestly told her that she's missing out in that department because I know for me that my love for my husband has deepened dramatically since having our children. There's just something about creating these beautiful little human beings with the man you love, seeing him interact as a loving father, and raising them together - I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I knew several people like that. One couple are now in their 60's, but I cannot imagine them with a child either. They are pretty quirky, but that might be because they never had kids too.
That woman's mother had her in the early 40's when people were encouraged to wait to have children, and she and her husband took a lot of flack for purposely having a baby.
I've heard of many others, and know some too, who decided to not have children in this system.
One couple we are close to, were waiting, and then learned the "real truth" and had a baby after having been married for 17 years. Six years later, they had another. They were in their 40's for that one, but are very glad they had their boys, who are now 10 and 4.
'
Back in the 80's, whenever any young couple started a family, the congregation would buzz with disapproval. It happened to us, just like everyone else. What they didn't realize was that reproduction would be the only method of expansion for the organization, so discouraging a family would be shooting themselves in the foot.
My sister and brother in law actually took the matter to heart, and spent their lives in the full time ministy, putting off children until the new system. They are nearing 50 now, with no kids. I'm not sure if they regret it or not, since I don't see a whole lot of them.
Since it seems that the only "new" JWs are children of the current ones, I wonder if they will openly reverse this recommendation? If they do, I wonder if that will have a bigger effect than the generation change on couples who wanted children, but made the sacrifice and now it's too late?
yeah, i know some j dub missionaries who decided not to have kids because of of 'the work'... it's sad really, they will never get to see their children grow up and leave the org, ha ha ha.
I had lots of friends while in the org. that are holding out to have kids until the 'end of this system'. Hilarity ensued when one of the couples got knocked up because they used 'family planning' as birth control. When the husband found out his wife was prego he got completely shitfaced out of his mind and spent the next day puking his guts up.
I think them accidently having a child will be a blessing in disguise though years from now. Im actually really happy for them.
I had my first child in the mid 80's and yes, a lot of people were deciding not to have kids in this system. I guess some thought we were nuts but never said anything to my face. I do recall assemblies (seemed like every one of them for years) talked about pioneering a lot and not having children, the be like Noah thing kept coming up. I also remember, feeling so guilty for having my son and being soon pregnant with my next child. I also remember being up at nights terrified that ?when persecution hits, being pregnant/with a baby would be so much harder on me.? The society kept making me feel like a traitor to God, and his people by being so darn selfish by having my kids and not taking up the full time ministry. Aux Pioneering with two kids never counted btw, it wasn?t enough!
During the time I recall so many couples, young and older having opps babies. Even a lovely CO couple who went into missionary work. Far to many of them were crushed that a baby was on the way and there was nothing you can do about it.
Looking back, now that my oldest is reaching adulthood I wonder, what if I heeded the warning? At nearly 40, would I now be kicking myself?
Scary
Jahna
