What obligation do you feel towards your family who are still in?

by czarofmischief 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  czarofmischief

  Everybody's situation is different, of course, and everybody has their own choices to make.

  But do you recall that when we were dubs, we were constantly urged to go out in service, because people needed to hear what we thought was the truth? They would use that scripture by Paul, "I consider myself a debtor to all men" etc. to enforce the moral compulsion to go door to door.

  Now that we know the truth about the truth; how obliged are we to tell our family? Does anyone feel like they need to save their family from the grips of this cult? Is it even possible?

  My family is still largely in, I wonder if I am morally obliged to "preach" to them, that what they are teaching and believing is wrong. thoughts?

  CZAR
• 

  the_classicist

  My experience is that one can point out all the idiocies, contradictions, and false-prophecies all you like and it still never gets through. I think most JWs have turned off the logic part of their brain like most conspiracy theorists.
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  Pole

  The only family members I had in were:
  
  1) My wife (She is mentally and physically out - her fade was slightly longer than mine, but we're both ready to be d'f-ed).
  
  2) My mother. Three weeks ago I sent her CoC and some more materials and we had a few very long discussions. She stopped going to meetings and to FS altogether. The only thing she's unsure about is when to write a letter of disassociation. She's been a dub for 20 years.
  
  3) My mother-in-law. She's reading CoC. She accepts our choice, and I think she'll follow suit with time.
  
  Unlike me, all three of them remained believers. In terms of saving my family I consider myself a 100% successful fader.
  
  I'm so exhausted with fading now that I'm now being pretty blunt with my former Jw friends. Anyone, I've fulfilled my family obligations. I realize though fading hardly ever turns out to be so successful.
  
  Pole
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  alias

  I feel no obligation to change the mindset of my parents. Some people are where they are because of their own needs and desires. If religion is just a man-made structure no matter what faith or denomination without God's input whatsoever, a large portion of the world is in the same boat.

  Who am I to tell anyone else what to do? That's why I'm no longer a JW.

  alias
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  Midget-Sasquatch

  If the Organization were just another typical mainstream religion, then I would try to discuss it casually once, and if it met with negativity wouldn't bother again. No Big.

  But I feel that this cult is an overly-parasitic structure, so I do feel obligated to talk about it with the ones I love (which for now is just my immediate family). They made so many sacrifices for me.

  I've shared with my sib practically everything I've learned, but since her taking JWs seriously, she gets very defensive and loud. She's always calling me a "hypocrite" for being an "apostate" but not DAing myself. She chooses to "wait on Jehovah". She still treats me pretty much the same as always though and has never, nor do I believe will she ever, "out" me. Bless her heart (or her strong sense of darwinian kinship ).

  I've shared my doubts with my Mom for almost as long as I've had them, because for at least 2/3 of my life she wasn't a JW. But she converted (strike two ) and she hasn't wanted to talk about any of it since she delved in.

  My Dad, is the hardest to talk with. I've given up because he won't just shut me out but goes on a rather agitated offensive to defend the "Truth" and it never ended well.

  Long story short, I struck out 3 times, so I'm settling for a quiet "fade" for now, to keep the channels open with them and hopefully something may change in the future.
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  Heatmiser

  My experience is that one can point out all the idiocies, contradictions, and false-prophecies all you like and it still never gets through. I think most JWs have turned off the logic part of their brain like most conspiracy theorists.

  I couldn't have said it any better.

  If I say ANYTHING about WTBS it is "APOSTATE" and they shut down. My contact with them is once every few years. So as long as they don't bring up JW vomit, I don't say anything.
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  Golf

  NONE! We have a better relationship.
  
  
  Guest77
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  Flash

  I reason with any JW who will listen (family or not) hoping something will get through, if not now - later.
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  Sassy

  I have no obligation. We are adults and make choices for ourself.. I can't tell my mother how she should think about the WTS and I am not about to listen to what she thinks I should....

  And now.. since she has begun the official shun (see my newest thread).. well..........not like there will be any opportunity to do anything with her any way
• 

  Gretchen956

  I have no obligation. My parents definately could not handle the real world, they have lived wrapped in cotton for all of these years letting someone else do all their thinking for them. To come out would shatter all of their illusions. No, they like their little world, right down to the crying and moaning about their poor lost children. I think it buys them sympathy from others in their congregation.

  Actually I think one of the reasons they (and some others) don't want to talk to us isn't so much that they "can't" per the directive, but that they really don't want to hear anything that would break that trust they have, they just can't think about how terrible it would be to have been deluded and to have given everything for someone's sick dream and power trip. Yes, there are some who can come out at 70+ and be strong, but there are others, my parents included, who just can't live outside that system.

  Others in my family are all wrapped up in their self-righteousness, boy do they love their positions in the congregations and their belief. They don't fear hearing something that will cause them to doubt because they won't hear anything like that. They just scoff at it and call it apostacy (aka fear mongering and paranoia and conspiracy theory). They let loose with some well placed scorn and live for the time when they can give that LOOK and turn away in all their glory of goodness and rightness.

  But see, I know they don't have the truth, but I don't have their truth either. My path works for me and I am very happy in it and on it, but they would not be happy on my path because they are very different people. And their religion fits their needs in those ways I have described above.

  So no, I don't have any "obligation." If one of them came to me with an open heart and an open mind and truly wanted to hear, that would be entirely different.

  Sherry