having a hard time making friends (page 2)

AK - Jeff

Happy -

welcome

I, and my wife were witnesses for well over 30 years since baptism, more like 45 if u count the youth before that. I can honestly state that in all that time, I never had a single 'worldly' friend! I really lived the 'truth' rules.

The issue you raise is extremely common. We lived in an insolar society that viewed all the rest of the world with disgust and disrespect. And that may be an issue for some. But in my case, the issue is how to start! With the witness community you always had a 'ready made' group of 'friends'. We have, most of us at least, found just how quickly that 'friendship' can turn to bitter hatred when we exit the organization. We left a year ago for good, although we had started to fade a year previous to that. I still have not found the right approach to finding and making true friends. This year I hit the big "50", and that seem to make it harder to do also. I have made some friendly aquaintances with a few people, but our friendship venue is not like I thought it would be. Not family like yet. You know the old best friend over to the house routine.

This forum has been a real aid in the 'healing' process though. I have come to see that many of these people would be good to know and develop friendships with in person. That helps me to see that I will in time make close friends with some. I just think it takes time. I hope you do well in that endeavor. If you are younger, it will be an easier task I think.

There is a site that sets up groups of ex-witnesses for local meet-ups. If that appeals the site is;

www.exjw.meetup.com/

Welcome aboard!!!!

Jeff

Justin

I've never been very good at making friends, even in the org. That said, there are programs to help "shy" people be more expansive in their social endeavors. Along this line, you might try to expand your interests, as I understand they teach you to talk about what your interests are - and unfortunately we may have an obscession with "the truth" - a subject others are definitely not interested in. Also, depending on your age, you might check out the "single scene" where you live (assuming you are single - doesn't have to be bars or sleezey things), but the disadvantage is you will find yourself among those looking for a significant other when you're just getting your feet wet. Hope these suggestions help.

under74

Know what? I found that going to college helped. Doesn't cure but it helps to take even one class at a community college.

Honesty

Welcome Happy Camper!!

By all means think of a hobby if you don't have one. Not only will it help take your mind off the stigma that comes with the shunning that is so 'lovingly provided' by the borg but you can meet some really nice people. A visit to a good pyschotherapist helped me, although it about wore the whole staff out before I finally felt de-programmed enough that I wasn't hanging onto my therapists almost 24/7.

After I discovered the 1st WTBTS lie I started exploring all their publications until I couldn't handle all the deciet and lies they have propagated over the past 100+ years. That led me to conclude that if those dimonz had lied about so much maybe, just maybe they were lying about the churches of christendom. It took me a while to go into a church but with the help of several real friends I finally made it. Then I almost had a mental relapse and breakdown when I found out the reason the WTBTS condemns christendom so much. Those illegitimate Pharisees (that's right, they don't know who their Father really is) are very clever at keeping people away from the Christ. They do this either by their blasphemous once a year celebration whereby 95%+ of the members physically and publicly deny Him by refusing to partake of the emblems being passed through the congregation and by defaming and slandering all of christendom when they know that most of the Protestant groups worship (see Hebrews 1:6 in most translations and even the NWT 1961 edition until they realised it didn't fit their denial of Jesus and they revised it), glorify and praise Jesus Christ as King.

Hang in there!! You will meet many new friends in the 'world' and on this board.

prophecor

That's a thumbs up 74, Community College did wonders for my socialabilty skills, why, I even found another witness sister who was also out of the truth in my same class. Even though I'm a married man, we still have frequency of association over the net, on the phone, and an occasional face to face meeting.

under74

"I even found another witness sister who was also out of the truth in my same class."

Me too! She was a Df'd sister but we had a lot to talk about when we both realized we were from the same place.

JustTickledPink

I have met a few very good friends, but it took me years. Some I met in school taking night classes, some at work, some online.

Get into a book club, or racing club, or start golfing, bottom line is friends aren't going to come knocking on your door, you have to be active searching them out. So join somehting you enjoy doing and give it some time... it takes a while to make friends, but you will get there.

I am finally at the point where I have several really good friends but it took me a lot of work to get here.

prophecor

That's another thumbs up 4 U 2 Honesty, a church can be an excellent resource for socialization, as well as getting acquainted with hearing the word from a different perspective.

I was blessed to have been able to go to a marriage retreat. A kind of holiday away from the entire world where couples from all over the country would share and fellowship, much like our assemblies were. They were Bible based, faith based groups, non denominational, non threatening, with scriptural discussion regarding the marriage arrangement, why it's so difficult to maintain, and what you can do to get yourself on the right track, with Biblical, as well as practical instruction on how to get it accomplished.

Quite honestly, if we as witnesses were able to get together with similar concentrated energy, dealing from the standpoint of the husband and wife alone as a unit first, as a community, and not a lacsadaisical shepherding call like many couples would receive, I believe the rampant hidden unhappiness that exist among couples in the Kingdom Hall would be drastically reduced.

Though not married to a witness, they had some of the most profound helps and assistance for repairing even the the worst witness marriage, mines was saved because of it, and I am much richer emotionally because of it.

wanderlustguy

The hardest part for me was getting over the apprehension that came form the fear of saying the wrong thing to the wrong person and being labeled "bad association". You don't have to worry about that now, most people are very accepting, and if you are talking to non-ex-jw's, all you would have to do is work your past into the conversation to whatever point you are comfortable and you'll become the life of the party!

How many people can say they successfully got out of a CULT?!?! That wasn't a roll call, people

W

Gretchen956

I always considered myself to be socially retarded because of my life as a JW. During my youth my family was not "strong" because my dad (although a believer) didn't go to meetings because he was depressed and thought he wasn't good enough. So no one would associate with us. Then at school, of course, we weren't allowed to associate with anyone. Pretty isolated childhood.

My saving grace personally was when I was 11 I had a distant relative move to town, also a witness. We recognized right away that we were sympatico and became fast friends. Of course we were labeled trouble because we had fun and did things that normal kids would do. I was always being told that I shouldn't associate with her because she was bad association and we always ended up in trouble and she of course heard the same. Well its 37 years later and we are still good good friends. Although we live about 2-3 hours distance we make it a practice to visit each other a couple times a year, always get each other things for birthdays and christmas, and stay in touch in between by phone, email and IM.

I've found the longer that I'm out, that I tend to make fewer friends but form deeper friendships.

Mostly I have met my friends either at work or on the internet. I like the suggestion about finding an activity that interests you, though, and going to a group of other people with interest in that activity. Soccer, softball, if you like sports, thai chi, yoga, just about anything. You'd be amazed at how many nice people you meet.

Good luck!

Sherry

having a hard time making friends

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