Romance; I Need some feedback (page 2)

Robdar

Will, how long was your lady friend married before the divorce? The longer the marriage, the longer it will take for her to grieve, lick her wounds, and adjust to being single again. Speaking from my own personal experience, a year isn't long enough to recover and start a new relationship.

As far as her 17 year old daughter, I agree with Country Girl's advice:

"Perhaps you could invite the Mother and her daughter out for some fun times: movies, ice cream, dinner. Just to get to know her and for her to get to know you. Nothing rushed. Take it very slow, and I am sure with honest and open communication between you and your friend, that things can be worked out. It will just take time."

Robyn

William Penwell

Thanks everyone for their advise. Most of what your saying I have already thought about. I am not ready to jump into a long term relationship but I would like to see it progress. Seems like there is always obstacles in our way i.e. daughter or her health. I am always straight forward with my feelings and maybe I told her too much already and she is a bit gun shy. I feel there is more to how she feels then what she is telling me. I have talked it out and if she thinks it best to not see me too much, I think I at least deserve that courtesy.

"Perhaps you could invite the Mother and her daughter out for some fun times: movies, ice cream, dinner. Just to get to know her and for her to get to know you. Nothing rushed. Take it very slow, and I am sure with honest and open communication between you and your friend, that things can be worked out. It will just take time."

Robdar my dear friend, I have tried to take her and her daughter out for dinner. The first night I met her daughter it started off on all wrong and went from bad to worse. I don't know if I said something although seems like it didn't matter what I said she has all men prejudged the same. By me offering to take them out it came across to the daughter as "trying to buy her". She has this preconceived idea that all men want is one thing. I said to my lady friend that if thats all I wanted I would not stick around and put up with all the grief. I know how she feels about us, as she said it many times and so has her cousen has told me much the same thing. I guess it is time I back off and let her make the next move. If its meant to be it will be. Relationships can be so complicated.

Will

paws

Hello Will,

I agree with all that Prophycor said.

I am new to the site and this is my first post but having been the woman in your senario, I just felt I wanted to point out that it would be wise to not underestimate the un-conditional love that the mother will feel for her damaged daughter to say nothing of the guilt. I imagine she will always find it difficult to not put her daughter first in a 'push comes to shove' situation and her daughter us still at a young age where she needs her mum's attention to help her unravel the damage done to her. It is her right to expect this and such mother support will be necessary for as long as it takes.

If you both descide to continue to develop together, I wish you lots of love and happiness.

Paws

Elsewhere

Her daughter is so protective of her mother, like screening her calls and not giving her mother the messages. For us to meet we have to do it behind her daughters back which makes me feel like I am a 15 year old kid.

Wow... talk about Roll Reversal.

frenchbabyface

I guess it is time I back off and let her make the next move. If its meant to be it will be. Relationships can be so complicated.

yep !

wishe you the best in time ... (her or not her)

SixofNine

I'd prepare to move on, and if she strongly doesn't want you to move on, she'll make that crystal clear to you.

bikerchic

What's that saying; "Love is blind....." Will I think this is a wrong woman, wrong time situation. This mother is responsible for her daughter first and will be until daughter is up and out of her house which due to her emotional problems at the time will be a looooooog while as it should be. Imagine yourself in one of the most difficult crisis of your life and then being abandoned by your only parent. I would move on and give them the space and time to deal with the problems at hand, you would always be resented by her daughter if you stay. Not a good way to start a relationship IMHO.

Will there really are plenty of other women out there and I'm sure you'll find one who is more suited to you and more deserving of you and all that you have to offer. Go about your life, find a hobby and get involved in community projects anything that puts you with other people so you'll have a chance of meeting someone. The hobby will offer a diversion while you are waiting.......life is meant to be lived and enjoyed you don't need the angst this situation is giving you, nor does the mother need the distraction from her most important job at hand that of being a support to her daughter.

It sounds to me like she's just not into you......

Kate

Incense_and_Peppermints

I have been single now for over ten years. My children are all grown and I have nothing to hold me back.

well, she does...she's newly single and she has a daughter with issues...

She has a 17 year old daughter that was abused by her step father, my lady friend's ex. It was the only father she knew for most of her life and because of this broken trust, she does not trust men. About a month ago my lady friend tells me that her daughters physiologist says it is not a good time for her (my lady friend) to get involved with one someone right now. The physiologist told her that it would take a couple of months for her daughter to get over this.

it seems to me, the psychologist and the mother, who are both close to the daughter and her situation, can best gague the daughter's readiness to accept a new man in her mother's life...

Her daughter is so protective of her mother, like screening her calls and not giving her mother the messages.

ok, the daughter has no business screening the mother's calls and not giving messages to her mother. the mother needs to put an immediate stop to this, or get herself a cell phone or password-protected message box.

I have told her that I would like to take it slow

you've only been in the picture for four months, and you told her you wanted to take is slow, so i don't understand why you are asking how long it will take the kid to get over what's troubling her........? if i were in this situation, i'd ask the man to be patient, and if he wanted me to hurry along my daughter's emotional healing, i'd tell him to take a hike.

William Penwell

Good suggestions from all of you. It is not as I have not talked all of this over with her. I have and I thought we had some understanding and I have tried to be patient. She tells me not to worry that she does care about me but it is also that I have been used in the past myself and have trouble with trust. What I am saying is I don't know if she is not being straight with me. All I would like is the truth. I am wondering if she playing this up a bit and using this as an excuse. My heart says No, but my brian says Yes. I am trying to be objestive and that is why I am askng others opinion on how long should one give it. I was wondering if I have not being patient enough but I just don't want to put all this effort into a relationship that is gong no where.

frenchbabyface

I was wondering if I have not being patient enough but I just don't want to put all this effort into a relationship that is gong no where.

I guess you answered your own question here William

Romance; I Need some feedback

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