might go back to the meetings - what am I getting myself into?

by jwbot 35 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  LittleToe

  IF you decide on that [dangerous] course of action (which I wouldn't endorse, but it's entirely your decision), then may I make a recommendation?

  Make it every other Sunday (at most), and on alternate Sundays do something way cool with her (maybe occasionally reminding her that "this is better than sitting in that hall listening to boring brother so-n-so", though don't overdo it)

  You've done too much to improve your own self esteem, to get sucked back into something that will inevitably dismantle your own sense of self-worth, again. You also have a, opportunity to help improve your sister's. Btw, looking good, girl
• 

  avengers

  Maybe I should wear my plaid school-girl mini pleated skirt? haha!

  There's no reason whatsoever that can make me go to the meetings, but the one above might just do it!

  (just kiddin'. I hope you work it out.)

  Andy

  edited because I put this in the wrong post
• 

  Incense_and_Peppermints

  the only way they'll ever get me to go near a kingdom hall is if my son were inside. (and they would be so sorree...)
• 

  jwbot

  I need to clarify some things. Lately, I find myself not in agreement with my sister (but I will support her no matter what). It has recently come to light that she had been molested as a child (by our older half brother, my fathers son, now estranged). Anyway she had only told me and J. (her husband). My parents, J, etc. are determined (and now they are all seeing a psychiatrist) that Jenn is acting out because of this repressed experience and the symptoms seem to indicate that.
  
  She had been talking to this other guy for several months over the internet. They met on an ana (eating disorder) support site...that should tell you something right there. She is convinced she is in love with this guy but I am not sure she is really sure of anything. Over the past several months, she distanced herself from her family and children. That is completely unlike her, it really is. This from a woman who chose to work with children in her field of work-abused, neglected children. I have to stress, I do not think she is a bad person, I KNOW that everything she is doing is not only self destructive, but completely unlike her. Also, she had told me that "J. said this", "J. said that" but I am starting to believe that he was a great husband...she just could not take being a wife anymore...and this other guy was an out, and oporitunuty. I feel so bad for J. I have helped him when I can, encouraging my sister to get cousuling. He said that he would never remarry and that no matter how long, if she wanted back he would take her back in a heartbeat. He can not even step back into their house anymore and has been staying with my parents, and they have been taking care of the kids.
  
  She has not even called me and I do not get it. I really think she is depressed and has repressed memories. My father told me that his mother had been sexually abused as a child by his grandfather, and that no one knew and years later she kept having nervous breakdowns and it turned out that the repressed memories is why. So I know that if Jenn was thinking clearly and getting help, she would not be doing this. I intend to keep trying with her, to help her, and always be there for her, no matter what.
• 

  SixofNine

  Poor dear. I'm glad you and your family (and even her husband), can be empathetic and caring for her. Many witness families would not be. While this all seems so awful now.... the reality of witness life, and expected married life, may well be that she might never grown as a person in those situations. So, while it may seem now that she is acting like an immature person.... well, there is a reason for that. But this *explosion* to freedom, will give her room to grow, if she will take the opportunity.
• 

  Jez

  She has not even called me and I do not get it.

  I intend to keep trying with her, to help her, and always be there for her, no matter what.

  This is so strange. I feel like I am going through the exact same thing with my sister. I am sooo angry because for MONTHS she used me as a sounding board for every problem in their marriage, I listened, offered advice, acted 'sisterly'. Then when she finally goes overboard and is playing the field as if she has a right to, she cuts me out, why? because I told her how selfish I thought she was being and I did not hold back from telling her about her past relationships, why she has gotten into them and why she is moving on AGAIN. She doesn't want to hear it. She prefers to live in her own little fantasy world where everything will turn out ok, "if it was meant to be" kinda crap.

  I feel used, I feel like she is a watered down version of my mother. Use you when THEY need you. Where was she, is she, when I need her? I just feel like this relationship is soooo one-sided now, and I am very very sad about it. Nope, she tucks her head down and runs in whatever direction she wants.

  Now, I wish I never even got involved, but then a side of me says, that is not right either because sisters are there for each other. We should be able to be lovingly honest but then agree to disagree. I don't get it anymore. That is why I love my sisterinlaw so much, this is never what it is like with us. We say anything to each other and either accept it or disagree, there is an openness that I have never experienced in another woman.

  Your last comment that I copied above, how do you do it? I feel like now, I don't WANT to be friends with someone that does things like that, but I miss the THOUGHT of a sister, more than I do my actual sister. Do you know what I mean???

  Jez
• 

  mkr32208

  I had a friend get df'ed recently and was going back and I told them that while they were out they should examine to see if they really wanted to get back in... I think she's started doing just that I'll be sending her to this board soon maybe that would work with sister?
• 

  jwbot

  I do not think my parents are using me though. They were talking to me again even before I mentioned that I would go to the meetings with Jenn. My mom even called me this morning because she "needed someone to talk to". That made me feel good even though talking to her was depressing as hell. She still encouraged me to get married right away though (HELLO? Getting married young OBVIOUSLY causes problems...der...).
• 

  outbutnotdown

  jwbot,

  What your sister is doing makes a little more sense when you explain her being abused in the past. It is good for you to support her. I just hope your support will include telling her the things that she might not WANT to hear, but will do her good.

  I hope she does go through with getting the counselling she needs. I thought sixofnine's comment was appropriate:

  But this *explosion* to freedom, will give her room to grow, if she will take the opportunity.

  I'm not sure that she needs the "explosion", but since she seems set on taking that route, it wiil certainly allow her to see both sides of being with her hubby and being away from her hubby.

  I feel for him the most. Hopefully he can be assured that it is not so much anything "wrong" with him as it is that your sister needs to find her way.

  Brad
• 

  PinTail

  Don't you see world events, its latter than you think; its the generation Christ spoke of and millions now living will never die. Go and get the meat in due season from the lords table, do not be mislead. It is a fine thing for brothers to sell their homes and not advance their education and go where the need is great in these closeing days of this old sysetm.