might go back to the meetings - what am I getting myself into?

by jwbot 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • jwbot

    Well my sister and her husband are now working towards figuring out the custody issues and divorce. Both being very civil about it. My sister will most likely be disfellowshipped as she is with another man (a very nice british guy, actually).

    Not sure why, but she still wants to be a witness. I think she is depressed and just doing what she can to feel good about herself. She is moving into an apartment today I think...the rugs had to be replaced or something...

    Since she is maybe 2 streets down from me now, and the rest of the family probably will not talk to her (unless trying to convince her to come back), then I am all the family she has.

    I told her that if she needs someone to come to the meetings with her so she does not feel alone, then I would go with her on only the sunday ones (and not sure if every week though). I want to wear pants though. I have long abandoned wearing skirts in winter time--no need and its too cold. All my other skirts are way short anyway...hehe. Maybe I should wear my plaid school-girl mini pleated skirt? haha!

    Ok well we obviously will not get loved-bombed. It made my mom happy to know that I am helping out my sister though. It seems for some strange reason, I am getting on my families good side again. Even my brother-in-law. Such a very odd, intense, stressfull month!

  • unbeliever

    I was wondering what happened with your sister. Glad she is working out an agreement with her soon to be ex.

    Going to the meeting is going above and beyond the call of duty. I could not do it. Your sister is lucky to have you.

  • JustTickledPink

    I might be able to do it if the Sunday morning consisted of a few bloody marys.

    She is lucky to have you, show her support, she might come around eventually on her own.

  • Valis

    a lot more intensity I would imagine. Why not just find something to do with your sister instead of meetings?


    District Overbeer

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl


    So you go a few times -- help out your sister, no big deal. I'd do the same, and I have. What you must remeber is that your SISTER is calling all the shots, not you. She WILL get out if she wants to, and she will DO as she WANTS TO.. whether you are there or not. There is NOTHING you can do that will change her mind from what she wants to do: thank god fro free choice! Just be there for her, and let her lean on you.. but don't try to run her life.. and don't try to change yours.


  • mamas

    i think that its best that you keep your sister's interests ahead of your wants. of course you would rather not go. but don't be like the rest of the family that don't have nothing to do with df'd lives. be a part of her life. thats what is most important. i know from experience...i'm going thru my family shunning me because i was recently df'd. please dont be like them. do everything for HER.

  • jeanniebeanz

    Don't know that I could do it, myself. Maybe I'm the only selfish one here, but, I'd really have problems encouraging my sister to go to meetings in a group that I know to be an abusive cult.

    Your love for your sister is great, I just hope this does not open you up to an intensly emotional rollercoaster ride of your own.


  • Golf

    I applaude you. You gotta do whatch gotta do. Your in the best position to know what to do.


  • jwbot

    I want to address everyone here, so first:

    CG: Oh I know what you are saying, I am not going to try to change her mind, I am just going to keep her company because I know she will need it.

    Valis: She wants to go, she is sorta swaying, maybe she will opt out. Maybe I will mention some other ideas. I am already going to take her out to a club at night (perhaps on a saturday night?).

    Jeanie: I can understand your concern. I am not encouraging her to go to meetings, I will only accompany her so she does not feel like crap. I would think the shunning is enough to discourage her from going, and that me being around (an ex-jw) will show her that the love is not within the religion.

    mamas: I do not believe in shunning, and I refused to shun my oldest sister who was disfellowshipped (and reinstated-and possibly the most self rightous person I know now). I will certainly never shun my sister who I am the closest to, at a time when she is most spiritually/emotionally/mentally fragile, it would not be an act of love and I am not sure how anyone could ever justify it.

  • simplesally

    I understand what your motives are and you are to be commended.

    I have a relative that calls to check on me from time to time. He asked if I had gone back to the meetings, had I written to ask for reinstatement, etc, etc. My ex's son lives with my ex now, he is 15 and he used to be forced to attend the meetings when he lived with his mom in Alaska. Well, now that he never goes, I asked him how it was going, did he miss the meetings, etc. I asked WHY he didn't want to go. He told me that it was too much like school. Too much studying. So, I asked if he would go if he didn't prepare. He said no cuz he would be going alone. I said I would go with him. He said no thanks. My relative was shocked I'd offer to go.

    My point JWbot, is that if we facillitate them, eventually, their true feelings may be able to surface. My "step-son" was given every opportunity to attend the meetings..........no studying, I'd drive him and I'd sit next to him. HE DECIDED he didn't want to go. Maybe your sister will get shunned and even go to a few meetings (I did) but eventually the shunning gets to you.

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