Jehovah Hates Foreskins!!!!!!!!!

by gumby 74 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • gumby
    gumby
    Matthew 8:11-12 And I say unto you, That many shall come from the east and west, and shall sit down with Gumbraham, and Nutsaac, and Jehovah, in the kingdom of heaven.

    Let's not forget our beloved and faithfull, Valeah, valaban, valamech, and all the rest of the valites who turned to the true god and also had their foreskins removed and offered them to Jehovah in a skin offering.(blood drained and offered seperate). May they wander like turtlehead, german helmet people foever and ever...amen

    *smokes one more and heads off the the footballgame to lose more money*

    Gumbunchaskin

  • candidlynuts
    candidlynuts

    when i was 6 my mom brought home this wrinkly little squally baby home.. i watched as she changed his diaper and instead of what i had .. he had a bright red bloody weeny. i asked why it was so sore looking.. mom" because he had a circumsision" me: " whats that?" mom: " thats where the dr cuts off part of the skin of his weeny" me: " why?" mom : " because jehovah back in moses day wanted all jehovahs men to have this done" me:" if jehovah made the skin why would he want it cut off" mom: " because" me: "because why?" mom: "because" me: "because why?" mom " because" me: "because why?" etc etc etc... (i spent the first 15 yrs of my life asking "why?" now i dont ask i just dont give a shit)

    never made sense to me that God would make men and want something cut off.

  • Sunnygal41
    Sunnygal41

    [email protected]! And I thought you were gonna say something like "now he can see and pee at the same time!"............lame, I know, but, hey I came up with it in 3 secs..........whaddya expect?

    FMZ...........that was really low of you stealin' Xena's avatar.........and then flaunting it in her face! You're a bright young man, can't you come up with something on your own?

  • beebee
    beebee

    My son had a "bris" (the Hebrew word for the ceremonial circumsicion ritual) and nobody sucked his winker nor did they do anything other than pat it with a little gauze. It's quite an ordeal if you haven't been to one. The men all look on while holding themselves and looking squeamish and the women look away. My six-year old daughter expressed the best sentiment though, "Why are they cutting some of it off when it's so small as it is?"

  • gumby
    gumby
    Sort of..Roundheads versus Cavaliers?

    Englishman

    LMAO...I figured there was more names for the affliction.

    Scully.......no worries gal....I wouldn't want to know cuz I'd never look at anyone the same way. I just couldn't ever speak to shotgun again if I thought he had an ugly ol' anteater down there. I'm sure he doesn't..........pretty sure anyways. Come to think about it......he had it done just recently cuz he said he gained weight and needed to lose some weight. He still looks the same weight to me. Anyways....what were you sayin?

    Gumby

  • z
    z

    The sages of the Talmud, as interpreted by Rabbi Yosef Karo's 16th-century Code of Jewish Law, set down three criteria for male conversion, the latter two applying to females as well: circumcision, immersion in a mikve (ritual bath), and the acceptance of the commandments (Shulhan Aruch, Yoreh Deah, 268, 3). The removal of the foreskin connotes the casting off of gentiledom, and symbolizes the separation of the Jew from the licentious practices (especially in the sexual realm) which characterized the pagan world. (Interestingly enough, the rabbinic sages understood women as "naturally circumcised"). Ritual immersion represents a legal and spiritual rebirth into a new family-nation - after all, every fetus is encompassed in fluid, and birth is heralded by the breaking of the mother's water. (A similar ritual was adopted by Christianity in the form of baptism.) And acceptance of the commandments signals the entry into a religion - a faith community bound together by common adherence to a network of ritual, moral and ethical laws.
    So it becomes clear that we are a nation as well as a religion, a nation with its own language, culture and homeland, and a religion with a unique code of law defining our prayer rituals, feasts and fasts, life-cycle celebrations and ethical behavior.
    Fascinatingly, the Torah records just such a process of development, a "national conversion," as it were, in the portions we are now reading. By participating in the Exodus from Egypt, the Israelites were separating themselves from the Egyptians, the Egyptian enslavement, the Egyptian concept of slavery as a societal norm, and from the immoral Egyptian lifestyle. And the Torah suggests that the Jews symbolized this removal from pagandom with circumcision, since the Paschal lamb can only be eaten by one who is circumcised (Exodus 12:48).
    Precisely when did the circumcision take place? The Torah describes the Israelite preparation for the Exodus, commanding each household to take a lamb on the 10th of Nissan, to guard it until the 14th of the month, and then to sacrifice it to God (which in itself amounted to a disavowal of Egyptian idolatry, since the lamb was one of the Egyptian gods) and place its blood on their doorposts. On the night of the 15th they were to eat the lamb - the first Seder - and then exit from Egypt.
    The Midrash asks: Why take the lamb on the 10th and wait until the 14th to sacrifice it? It answers that the male Israelites were to have themselves circumcised during this time, and by merit of the twofold blood - of the sacrifice and the circumcision - they would be found worthy to be freed from Egypt. (Exodus 12:6, Mechilta and Rashi ad loc). Indeed, in Temple times, a male convert would be expected not only to have himself circumcised, but to bring a sacrificial offering as well (Maimonides, Laws of Forbidden Relationships, 13,1).
    The ritual immersion of the Israelites took place just before the Revelation at Sinai, either when God commanded Moses to see that the people be "sanctified [through ritual immersion] and their clothing be washed" (Exodus 19:10, see Maimonides, Laws of Forbidden Relationships, 13, 2-3), or when the Israelites jumped into the Reed Sea before it split ("and the children of Israel entered into the midst of the waters on the dry land..." Exodus 14:22). And of course the acceptance of the commandments came following the Decalogue: "...And the entire nation responded with one voice and declared... 'All that the Lord has spoken, we shall do and we shall internalize'" (Exodus 24:3,7).
    Indeed, prior to the formula of acceptance, the Torah not only recorded the Ten Commandments as well as the major civil and ritual laws, but also outlined the eventual borders of the Land of Israel (Exodus 23:20-25). In effect, therefore, the Israelites were accepting both Jewish nationality and the Jewish religion. We were to be bound together (am, im) by common genes, land and destiny, as well as by a unifying system of laws, values and lifestyle.

  • truth_about_the_truth
    truth_about_the_truth

    Are you talking about the anti-semite accapella group?

    The Four Skins.

    Some of their hits:

    - I've got you under my skin

    - We've got you covered

    - Cuts like a knife

    - Peels so good

    - Be gentile with me

    - Beauty is only skin deep

  • funkyderek
    funkyderek
    never made sense to me that God would make men and want something cut off.

    Probably because if you live in a desert, sand gets under it and it can get infection. Of course, like most traditions, this eventually became ritualised while the reason was long forgotten.

    -Derek of the "fully intact" class.

  • limbo
    limbo

    Save the Foreskin

    i see gumby has joined the cause.

  • gumby
    gumby

    Due to popular demand by Mary ....I mean....by someone, but I cannot say, I'm bringing this subject back.

    Gumbercized

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