JW definition of disassociating yourself? (page 2)

jgnat

Hey, Alwayshere, all power to you and your choice. I'd do it too for my grandchild. I just don't want my fellow-worldly-wife getting ideas that ANY exit from the society is graceful.

I do see how no exit would ever be graceful. I was hoping that if he did DA himself that perhaps that method would be less humiliating than a DF. There is no getting around it, it's bad any way you look at it. Even fading has it's repercussions. I would feel better about it if I knew he didn't care about what others (congregation) may think or do or say, but he does. Plus I know he believes all of the teachings, lock stock and barrel. At least, on the outside it appears that way.

Don't think it going to happen anyway. He mentioned that he forgot to get the numbers for the hotels at last nights meeting for the convention (in August in these parts). I wonder if he really forgot, or perhaps it was a slip of the real feelings. I definiitely do NOT want to make a 6 hour drive in August. Plus we will have a new baby by then. I don't think I could hack it. I will have to break it to him that just do not want to attend, but I am not discouraging him to attend, if that makes sense. I never ever want to be accused of discouraging him. As someone posted before, the cruise ship analogy fits quite well. A light touch.

Thank you all for your help, it is appreciated.

Why Georgia

Dear Worldly Wife,

My heart goes out to you. Shortly after I married my husband he decided to go back to the Kingdom Halls and start going to meetings. This was such a big shock to me because I didn't know what the witnesses were about at all.

I was pregnant with our first child then. They put my husband on reproof for marrying outside of the witnesses.

The elders tried to break my marriage apart at every turn - sending my husband out into service with unmarried women whom they considered good sisters. Telling my husband if he divorced me it would not displease Jehovah as long as he married a good sister.

It was really horrible and put so much stress on me - especially after our baby came.

This has been going on for quite a while now.

I can give you some advice if you would like it. Don't fight. It just makes you look evil in their eyes. I fought with him so much in the beginning bashing him over the head with words about how wrong the society is. It just made him run towards them.

So I changed my tactic.

Be kind, be loving and make him want to stay home with you.

I would sabotage meeting times by being in the mood......and he didn't want to go late.

I would make the best dinners and keep the house super clean and just tell him how wonderful he was all the time.

I also would slip in questions from my friends here on the net to make him think but I always asked in a nice way.

He has slipped away. I keep him busy alot.

His damn mother interferes but its to the point where we now have 2 kids and I have told him in a not so very nice way.......if you go back I will take the kids and you will not see them. Luckily for me my husband loves me and our children so very much and knows that I am a woman of my word.

I told him the court will support me because the pedophiles in the Kingdom Halls and the Blood Policy and I will get full custody of our children.

Some other advice.

Make sure all the hospitals in your area have your directives over how you want your body treated and your childs in the case of a medical emergency.

My husband believes in their blood policy. I did not want to die because he couldn't be strong.

So I took the power out of his hands.

If you ever need to talk please feel free to contact me.

roybatty

I don't know if it's true across the board or not (and not that it would apply to most here) but it's was experience as a former elder that someone who was da'd had a much harder time being reinstated.

If someone were df'd for, say, immorality, they could be reinstated pretty quickly if they attended all the meetings, etc. Someone who was da'd for something like apostacy, had to wait much longer.

Anyhoo....for me da'ing myself was the route to go. I liked the "freedom" of it all. No one had to "guess" how I felt about the WT and it's false teachings.

Mastodon

I have completely faded at this point, and my mother, my only relative in the JW's, will hardly speak to me. She didn't even called me when my grandma passed away. Although I have faded, I know that eventually I will DA myself simply because my feelings about everything I have found out about the Society are too strong. My dissasociation letter is over 17 pages long. But what I'll do when/if I decide to send it in, is send a copy of it to each and every person that I consider friends or have seen me growing up in the JW's, including my mom. That way I make sure that each of them knows exactly what are my motives and reasonings behind my decision. It's funny how, when somebody is DF'd, even when the cases are suppposed to be 'confidential', everybody finds out exactly what happened. Yet, when somebody DA's themselves because of serious issues against the Society, nobody ever knows exactly what went on and then the speculations begin and they will vilify you even more. I'll just make sure that everyone I care about in that Organization, knows exactly why I did what I did and if they want to talk to me again or not, it's their decision and their conscience, just as it was my conscience that made me leave. Good Luck Rick

shotgun

I think they are slightly different in the minds of most JW's.

DF'd = unrepentent sinner

DA'd = Apostate, someone in opposition of Jehovah or his organization

The effects from both are about the same but the mindset of those who judge based on these terms is slightly different.

upside/down

Minimus- I agree, I'm not a big fan of DA'ing either. Here's why...

Assuming you still belileve in the Bible and any of the other "perceived" truths you came to know as a Dub, why would you let them get you to throw yourself out? They don't have that right. And you lose the "protection" you may need legally, especially if you're in a Dub clan with children and still need to have some association with them.

I try to think of an Israelite who lived under (pick any of the bad kings) let's say Manneseh, can you imagine being a family head with teenagers at that time? But you are still the family head despite the sh*tty condition of the the nation and the monster you have for a king. What would you do? Renounce you God and leave the country? It just wasn't possible then. Times are different true.

Remember you can quit everything you hate about the Dubs, without DA'ing yourself. I've done it- and it PISSES THE HELL out of certain ones. They WISH I would DA myself, so for now they at least have to be civil to me in public. And I can come and go as I please. I also have children and they have to interact with their Dub freinds at school. So the dynamics of everyone's sitch dictates what they might HAVE to do. Tolerance being the key here.

Now it seems the Dub ways run stronger in some than others and you may FEEL you have to separate yourself from this bOrg perhaps like you're leaving "Babylon" or something. While very Dub-ish, that's fine, as long as you can live with the consequences (don't bitch about being "out", if you throw yourself out). Remember, all things are lawful, but not necessarily ADVANTAGEOUS. i still have some very good Dub friends and have conversations VERY similar to the ones here, I would lose that the second I labeled myself DA'd. I view it kind of like dual citizenship.

As far as a definition of DA'inf oneself, how about this: DA'ing saves us the work of having to DF!

Make those bastards WORK FOR IT!!! Grrr

u/d

PinTail

Hit the road brother" and don't you come back no more no more no more no more; Oh elder oh elder why you treat me so mean, your the meanest elder I ever seen...

In other words just fade out of sight, or they will will you put you on the Guilt Ship Titanic.

Shane

JW definition of disassociating yourself?