Zeal for the field service certainly kept one thinking constantly about preaching, and the organization. Did it keep one zealous the more they talked, yes, until exhaustion kicked in. Mind numbing exhaustion.
You know what I remember most about the JW lifestyle - pressure lots of pressure. Preach Preach Preach, make room for it in our lifes. Preach at the grocery store, bus stop, at work, at school. Carry magazines around with us ever ready to spread the supposed good news. Family, having a life, or enjoying life was not as important as preaching constantly. We were to live, breath, think constantly about preaching. And we could never do enough. Even full time pioneers lived crazed filled lives to get more and more time. Even overtime so they could have extra time on hand in case they got sick. Do you remember the young women on conventions with children in tow going door to door pioneering? She could be on the break of a nervous break down but could never give up her pioneering. I watched my sister in law pioneer for 10 years. She was unmarried and had no children, and worked and was exhausted all the time. Can you imagine a Mom with little kids enduring that. What the heck was God thinking making such demands on families? Door to door preaching was how we showed God we loved him. We were completely brainwashed into believing that nonsense. Before I left as I started slowing down going to meetings, and stopped field service, I would sit in the meetings and think. I am done with this. To heck with God, if he requires this I want nothing to do with him.
That is the one thing I noticed immediate relief on, the pressure was gone to preform when I left the troof. That level of stress is sure to cause people to be sick. Could it cause the body to be vulnerable to disease like cancer? Heart Disease? did you ever look around the KH and wonder why everyone was sick and exhausted all the time. The meetings, the preaching work, family demands. I used to be numb with exhaustion for 20 years as my children were growing up. I didn't even pioneer, but I did preach at every opportunity. I worked full time, attended all meetings, service on Sat or Sun, and assemblies and conventions. I was so exhausted at time I thought I was going to die.
I remember during the time I was caring for my elderly mother whom I could not leave alone at all. The Elders came, wanting to encourage me to get out in the door to door work. I looked at them, marveling that they could not realize I was at the point of a break down due to exhaustion. I had three elementary school age children and my mother to care for and full time home business. My childrens Dad worked two jobs to support us. And here the Elders were concerned I was not getting 10 hrs a month in door to door work. They have me various ways to get more time. Phone calls to householders, writting letters, etc etc. They didn't care about me, my husband was too exhausted to care either. I am surprised I did not lose my mind.
When I finally walked away from it, it felt like 10 tons had been lifted of my shoulders.
Balsam
