Follow the Star All the Way to Bethlehem

by Schizm 104 Replies latest jw friends

  • Satanus
    Satanus

    An angel appeared before Mary Jane and said unto her: "Take these F1 seeds and grow them to fruition and three wise men will buy them off you when they're ripe and ready."

    Meanwhile two cows in the manger are chatting to each other and one says: "The 'Virgin Mary Jane' is glowing like a jolly green giant with her sprouts taken out."

    The donkey walked through the long grass smelling the luscious buds. Small crystals coated the inside of her nostrils. The ripe hairs stood on end swaying in the gentle breeze of breath.

    Three wise men came from the East guided by the grow room lights each bearing gifts of perlite, nitrogen and phostrogen. They also had handy a big bag of magic mushrooms, some clean LSD, decent tunes, a crate of Stella and a few stonkingly good pills.

    Inspector Herod of the Totnes Police proclaimed: "All F1 seeds and cuttings that are illegally grown will be cut down as babies."

    In spite of this, the Virgin Mary Jane gave birth to a lovely Sativa Indica mix that one day will thoroughly waste everybody with one toke, so much so that Jesus may have to be called in to feed the thousands with pizzas, chocolate bars and Stella Artois.

    The plant was named 'Jesus that's fucking strong' and they all lived happily ever after in many of the newly opened cannabis cafes throughout Britain that Tony Blair legalised as he wants to be voted in again at the next election.

    This even pleased Inspector Herod, as he was able to get on with proper police work like catching murderers, rapists, paedophiles and terrorists.

    Apostle hemp

  • Satanus
    Satanus

    How jesus got those marks in his hands:

  • mkr32208
    mkr32208

    This is simply a myth... A made up story... Or as I would say... A LIE and it's easy to disprove... These guys thought this was a star so it was very high and small right? Lets say it was big for a star! Say the size of a jet flying at 20000 ft. Very large in terms of intersteller objects but small to the naked eye...

    Now, next time you see a jet flying over try to see who's house it's going past... You can't! It's stupid! A jet that appears to be almost directly over head is actually several MILES off of your position. This can be established with a simple flight computer and VFR reference map...

    Here's a simple experiment that you can try to prove my point! What you do is go to ebay and get a big weather balloon and fly it over your house at 5000 feet or so. Then have a congregation get together at your house, when some of the publishers in your hall ask for direction tell them to try to find your house based on where the balloon is in the sky... easy right...

    Please try to not be a dumbass... I know how hard that is for you but please... do try!

  • Rabbit
    Rabbit

    Is THAT what Schisms is smokin' ?

    I've always wonder how he could make such an asinine statement ( he makes a lot of them ), like the one about...let's see. If I just HAD to pick ONE of them...YES, I've got it...

    Lot and his daughters ! Schisms must have gotten some BAD stuff when he tried to explain that. After all, the Bible SAYS Lot had sex with his 2 daughters, when he was drunk, right ? Schisms tho' KNOWS that that is, according to God's Laws, a crime...punishable by death. Yet...God sorta "let that one go" and he never even had to go to court, the charges were dropped, by God I guess.

    So, Schisms, who is just smart enough to see the hypocrisy in that Bible story, but, NOT the big picture...has to DO something to save Lot's place as God's favored servant. Schisms... CHANGES the Bible !

    In the immortal words of our esteemed ex-President Bill Clinton..."Ah...did NOT have s e x... with that woman...Monica Lewinsky!", our steamed Schisms says, "Uh...Lot did NOT have s e x...with them daughters of his...!"

    He said that, because he is desparate or was on drugs that night. I really believe he knows he's wrong.

    Rather than explain this asinine remark to anyone, he avoids a simple rabbits questions to explain "How come God didn't kill his servant Lot, after he commited INCEST ?? Schisms told me I was disfellowshiped to him and I should "consider myself shunned". Why ? Because I dared ask him to explain his answer.

    Schisms said, Lot did not knowingly have sex with his daughters, NO...his "daughters snuck into Lot's tent" and "BORROWED their father's sperm" then, "rubbed it into their you-know-whats..." enabling them to get pregnant !

    THOSE ARE HIS WORDS.

    Schisms will go to ANY length to apologize or explain away or cover up ANY horrible thing that happened in the Bible, just to protect it's so-called veracity, honor and sacredness.

    Come on...answer my simple question, then maybe we can shun each other.

    Rabbit - ( of the "Rodents with the patience of an Oyster class" )

  • Satanus
    Satanus

    It appears that the site moved that lovely pic, so here is a copy

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